Handle This: He Won't Let You Break Up With Him

March 26, 2008

Much to your chagrin, it appears that you’ve run into one of those situations with the new guy you’ve been dating where he likes you a lot more than you like him. He’s really great, and you don’t want to just lead him on so you decide to end things. You go to his house to talk about it with him, and initially, he appears to take the news really well.

Afterwards, he asks if you want to go out to dinner. Trying to follow through on your "let’s be friends" promise, you agree. But as soon as you get to the restaurant, he starts acting like you're still a couple! Over the meal you start mentioning moving on and your very separate futures, but after dinner, he leans in for a kiss. Although you pull away, you just don’t know what to say. He's either in deep denial or not getting it, so how would you handle this?

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25 Comments

2 years

I could be firm with my problem ex, but we have a child together... So no matter what, I still have to deal with him. For the sake of my daughter I try to be as nice as I can in order for he and I to co-parent. But this just seems to give him the illusion that I'm coming back.... I"M NOT! It seems like being nasty to him and telling him off is the only way to make him listen, but then he threatens me with lawyers and child custody battles. He'll either be super sweet to try to convince me that he is the guy I should be with, or he'll be a total a-hole to try to threaten me into being with him. What the hell do I tell him to make him accept that it's OVER!?

2 years

If he likes you that much then he'll keep trying to get back in with you. The only answer with this type of guy is to sever all ties, end all communication and keep your mouth shut about him. Trust God and move forward. My last ex wouldn't stop calling and since I felt sorry for him, I kept answering. After a while I was wondering what was wrong with me that I'd break up with such a nice guy (even though I still didn't want him back). Then, because I pray, God began to remind me why I wanted to break up with him in the first place. He was emotionally needy and an emotional manipulator. I was still trying to help him. That action was bringing me as much dread and misery as I was experiencing before I actually told him that I wanted out.

lindssaurussss 4 years

I wouldnt of gone to dinner. would of given space for a few weeks and then coffee to see if they are ok. if that cant happen without em getting it. i would split cold turkey.

rpenner 5 years

well i've definitely used the friends line, and meant it, i don't think i'd do dinner just the two of right away.

seraphicstar 5 years

whoops. as a continuation... now, (3 yrs later) new boyfriend and I are married, and the ex is my best friend. took about 8 months but old boyfriend got over himself, and now its weird to even think of him as a boyfriend/ in any kind of sexual way!! go figure.

seraphicstar 5 years

whoops. as a continuation...now, (3 yrs later) new boyfriend and I are married, and the ex is my best friend. took about 8 months but old boyfriend got over himself, and now its weird to even think of him as a boyfriend/ in any kind of sexual way!!go figure.

seraphicstar 5 years

this happened to me in highschool. i actually had to go out and find someone else to date and that made it clear that we were not together anymore >.< now, the new boyfriend and I are married, and the ex is my best friend... go figure!!

seraphicstar 5 years

this happened to me in highschool. i actually had to go out and find someone else to date and that made it clear that we were not together anymore >.<now, the new boyfriend and I are married, and the ex is my best friend... go figure!!

j2e1n9 5 years

Oh god, this has happend to me twice, once in the nice friendly way and once in the angry violent mean way. I dont know which one is worse and I cant go into detail b/c I'd rather not relive it!

girlie871 5 years

yeah i dont think being friends ever works. i have a friend who has remained friends with all of her exes and that requires a year of turmoil after the official break-up.

porkypocky 5 years

Yea, the title cracked me up too. How does one go about doing that? This was like my first boyfriend, we "mutually" went our separate ways, but as soon as I got a new man he started talking to all my friends again just to ask what he was like and stuff...he hadn't talked to them in months. He also figured out when my orchestra rehearsals were and snuck into the theater to watch me from the balcony...and THEN had the balls to tell me a few days later. asdfjsdjksj If I had known he was there I would have beaten my ex to a pulp. My boyfriend would too. Two words for the guy: GOODBYE FOREVER. I wouldn't even want to be friends with him after that. good riddance. I think how they act after the break up really shows a lot of their true colors.

porkypocky 5 years

Yea, the title cracked me up too. How does one go about doing that?This was like my first boyfriend, we "mutually" went our separate ways, but as soon as I got a new man he started talking to all my friends again just to ask what he was like and stuff...he hadn't talked to them in months. He also figured out when my orchestra rehearsals were and snuck into the theater to watch me from the balcony...and THEN had the balls to tell me a few days later. asdfjsdjksj If I had known he was there I would have beaten my ex to a pulp. My boyfriend would too.Two words for the guy: GOODBYE FOREVER. I wouldn't even want to be friends with him after that. good riddance. I think how they act after the break up really shows a lot of their true colors.

flyinglimegreen 5 years

If he's really that much more into you and can't take no for an answer, seems like the only option is to cut off communication completely. Ask that he stop contacting you and never call or email him again. It's better for both parties that way. Because every time there's some sort of connection--whether it's a call or an email--after the break up, he'll always read more into, like you still like him. Guys like that will only understand what you mean if you back it up with solid actions. And you're thinking most people can tell the difference between just friends and more than that. Well, when guys fall, they fall hard and i feel like they don't have the same sensitivity to nuances like, just friends versus being a couple. That's just my opinion: guys are dumb when it comes to subtleties.

TASTEthiss 5 years

i find the title pretty amusing. he wont let me break up with him? OH REALLY? i consider myself to be a nice person but not a doormat. i dont put up with controlling/obsessive behavior. if he cant accept that its over then ill let him know again.. but this time when im finished saying what i have to say he wont even WANT to talk to me anymore.

TASTEthiss 5 years

i find the title pretty amusing. he wont let me break up with him? OH REALLY?i consider myself to be a nice person but not a doormat. i dont put up with controlling/obsessive behavior. if he cant accept that its over then ill let him know again.. but this time when im finished saying what i have to say he wont even WANT to talk to me anymore.

Martini Rossi 5 years

I would repeat myself but this time a clearer assertive tone. Then I would ask him how he felt and answered any questions he may have. After that I'd go home...alone!

Asia84 5 years

if i tell you that we're done, it kinda means in all aspects. so i don't see me being "just friends" with somone unless we were friends before we dated and it just works better as friends. see, the reason why you're dumping him is because he likes you more than you like him. now, how do you suppose you can be friends with him feeling this way? and even if i did chump out and agreed to being just friends, i would've declined on dinner, because i know what his intentions are.

Asia84 5 years

if i tell you that we're done, it kinda means in all aspects.so i don't see me being "just friends" with somone unless we were friends before we dated and it just works better as friends.see, the reason why you're dumping him is because he likes you more than you like him. now, how do you suppose you can be friends with him feeling this way?and even if i did chump out and agreed to being just friends, i would've declined on dinner, because i know what his intentions are.

linb 5 years

I'd avoid him - screen my calls, etc. If he doesn't understand what "just friends" means, then we will be "just exes"

Marci 5 years

I made the mistake of trying to be friends with someone I had dated a few times after I told him I didn't want a relationship with him. He just never went away. He called every day, often several times a day, turned up everywhere and became stalker-ish. I learned a big lesson from that. Make a clean break of it.

javsmav 5 years

Yeah, you can't be friends and you just have to ignore him. I had to do that w/ my last boyfriend. He kept thinking we'd get back together but the harder he tried, the more I knew that we were NOT meant to be together.

Papaya 5 years

I'm having the exact same problem! And then I said, "I can't be friends," and he's been yelling at me ever since about how I always get what I want. It doesn't matter how many times you clarify it to him, he just keeps trying which then makes me angry because it seems disrespectful.