Growing Apart From Friends 2009-11-30 15:00:56

Are You Pickier With Friends as You Get Older?

November 30, 2009

I'm not sure if we become more persnickety and less tolerant (or tolerable!) as we age, or if we just have a better idea of what we want and expect in a friend, but the older I get the easier it is to recognize when a friendship is no longer working out. It's a lot like breaking up — painful but for the best. Has your bad-friendship threshold lowered with years? Do you wish it would?

Source: Flickr User virgo200745

32 Comments

dexaholic 3 years 25 weeks

I find it harder to make/meet good friends as I get older. It was always easy in school and college, but now? Not so easy.

3 years 25 weeks

I weeded out all the marginal friends years ago, and have acquired a few close ones in the last 10 years or so - very selectively. Life is too short to spend it with people that make you crazy ...

3 years 25 weeks

Yeah, sad but true. Most recently was after my wedding. A bridesmaid was more than awful the weekend of the wedding. It was like a switch got flipped. Pretty unforgiveable stuff. But day to day, I don't deal with drama (applies to family members too), negative people (take a hint, Mom) or people who are politically extreme (at both ends of the spectrum).

Advah 3 years 25 weeks

Not pickier, more honest. If a "friend" is being a bitch to me, then I don't see why we should be friends.

Venus1 3 years 25 weeks

Fewer friends - more lovers!!!

GMarie 3 years 25 weeks

But it's not ever really a dramatic thing, like "I'm cutting this person out of my life". I think that, for me, some friendships are forever and some are for a time. The ones that aren't forever just seem to drift to a natural conclusion as our lives go in different directions. I always keep the door open and really haven't ended any friendships on bad terms since the 8th grade or so ;)

spacekatgal 3 years 25 weeks

Somehow, the drunks, drama queens and Republicans don't seem worth dealing with when you're married. I try to only allow positive people in my life.

janneth 3 years 25 weeks

Opposite for me. I am more tolerant, accepting, and inclusive.

fashionplate525 3 years 25 weeks

Yes, absolutely. The most are friends who I have just lost touch with over the years, but I had one friend I had to end things with up front. It was hard for both of us, but it was definitely for the best.

biarose 3 years 25 weeks

Ever since leaving high school I'm picky with friends.

soapbox 3 years 25 weeks

Yes, I let very few people into my life now a days. I just don't want to deal with crap. I've let MANY friends go this year and I don't regret it. They were only pulling me down.

Kimpossible 3 years 25 weeks

"thinned the herd" LOL love it! ;-)

Venus1 3 years 25 weeks

With friendship I have a lot to give but I suppose I expect a lot back (but no more than I am prepared to offer). As I got older I realised that with some "friends" I was seeing them out of duty and nothing more, although in honesty they did not need me either. Closer friends have become closer but some I have let go on the way because, sadly, there was nothing there. I

Venus1 3 years 25 weeks

With friendship I have a lot to give but I suppose I expect a lot back (but no more than I am prepared to offer). As I got older I realised that with some "friends" I was seeing them out of duty and nothing more, although in honesty they did not need me either.Closer friends have become closer but some I have let go on the way because, sadly, there was nothing there. I

Venus1 3 years 25 weeks

With friendship I have a lot to give but I suppose I expect a lot back (but no more than I am prepared to offer). As I got older I realised that with some "friends" I was seeing them ou tof duty and nothing more, although in honesty they did not need me either. Closer friends have become closer but some I have let go on the way because, sadly, there was nothing there. I

Venus1 3 years 25 weeks

With friendship I have a lot to give but I suppose I expect a lot back (but no more than I am prepared to offer). As I got older I realised that with some "friends" I was seeing them ou tof duty and nothing more, although in honesty they did not need me either.Closer friends have become closer but some I have let go on the way because, sadly, there was nothing there. I

Hiding55 3 years 25 weeks

I think I've always been pretty picky about the people I surround myself with. I have let a few friendships go. I don't think it was because I became more picky though. I think it was because most of my friends moved away and any long distance relationship is hard to maintain. We still talk on facebook every now and then, but that's the extent of it.

GlowingMoon 3 years 25 weeks

You bet. Also, I'm pickier about family members I'm close to. It's the same the principle.

GlowingMoon 3 years 25 weeks

You bet.Also, I'm pickier about family members I'm close to. It's the same the principle.

Zivanod 3 years 25 weeks

We are expecting our first child and I find that we are drifting away from many of our childless friends (the ones that wish to remain childless as opposed to those that wish to one day have kids themselves). I'm ok with it though. Our priorities have changed.

tlsgirl 3 years 25 weeks

Yes, graduating and moving away thinned the herd quite a bit. I just realized I was hanging out with some toxic people, and the space made me less of a pushover.

HoneyBrown1976 3 years 25 weeks

For me, I recognize toxicity a lot better now. Also, some friendships die out, if the people aren't progressing. If they are still acting the same way they did when we met as teens, I have to let them go.

tarabara1229 3 years 25 weeks

Definitely. When I moved away to college, I let go of some friends who didn't really make an effort to keep in touch. And since I've graduated from college and moved to another town, it's happened again. That's not to say I'm opposed to renewing any lost friendships, but I'm definitely more cautious as I get older. I tend to have a (very) few close friends, and a lot of acquaintances.

RoaringSilence 3 years 25 weeks

Oh it's exactly the opposite for me. The older I get, the more I realize no one is as cool and smart and funny and loving as the friends I've had all my life.

vmruby 3 years 25 weeks

I've always been a bit on the cautious side when it comes to people I surround myself with and I still am. I'm extremely fortunate when it comes to having good friends and I am grateful for it every day of my life.

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32 Comments

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