Group Therapy: It Was a Kiss

March 8, 2010

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, well was, I never cheated on him, never denied him sex, or anything else. I went out the other night with my best friend and other people we knew, and he knows. Unfortunately he was working like he always is, his friend saw me with a guy we all know dancing and drinking of course. Well at one point in the evening this guy decides to go in for a kiss, I however pushed back.

Later I called my boyfriend and I told him, and he said his friend had already texted him and told him and said I did not pull back fast enough. I love him; no other girl is going to put up with all the BS he puts me through, working all hours of the night, never shows up for special occasions at my parents' home because he is working, sleeps all day, and when he is off he does not even want to go out. I can't say there is not a chemistry between me and this guy that kissed me, but I don't see him in that way. How can I quit looking like a fool and begging him to forgive me over a kiss that was not my fault? Do you think there could be more to this, like he is tired of being with me and this is his way out?

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35 Comments

louistong 3 years 8 weeks

Your bf is obviously a jerk and he does not care about you. You have compromised too much for him and he is not worth it. There are much better guys out there.. GET OUT while you can, you will not regret it.

3 years 10 weeks

how long have you been with him? he may have insecurity issues. Is he possessive or maybe less better looking than you?

mix tape 3 years 10 weeks

If you loved him you wouldn't put yourself in situations that could make this possible, especially with someone who you feel you have chemistry with. Clearly, it looks like you two have strained the relationship and maybe this is YOUR way of getting out of it. It's unfortunate that you were to blame for it ending, but maybe subconsciously you were hoping it was over.

JessRose 3 years 10 weeks

I agree w/ Nev's take too and the majority. And his friend is also super creepy - is he stalking you? What's the deal?

smaine07 3 years 10 weeks

I think you might be tired of being with HIM, and this could be YOUR way out.

tarynitup 3 years 10 weeks

You just said "no other girl is going to put up with all the BS he puts me through, working all hours of the night, never shows up for special occasions at my parents' home because he is working, sleeps all day, and when he is off he does not even want to go out." This is a list of reasons why he sucks, and then you're worried about keeping him around!?!? Why? You don't like him, and it sounds like he doesn't like you! Yeah I know, you've been through a lot together, you love each other, etc. On the flip side you have a list of reasons why he is NOT a good boyfriend. Regardless of whether your behavior was right or wrong, this relationship doesn't sound like it's worth all the effort. I suggest you work harder for YOUR OWN happiness and fulfillment and avoid making a place for misery and miserable people in your life! Good luck!

tarynitup 3 years 10 weeks

postmodernsleaze 3 years 10 weeks

You shouldn't have to "put up" with this guy. Instead of wondering whether or not he's using this whole situation as an easy get-out, why don't you use it as an easy get-out? It seems like you could do much better than a guy who believes his immature, spying friend over you.

janneth 3 years 10 weeks

Bye bye, boyfriend; hello Mr. Chemistry.

danakscully64 3 years 10 weeks

To be fair, I put up with a lot of crap in my relationship, but my guy is TRYING to change. This guy just sounds like he enjoys holding this over his girlfriend's head. That's a control issue.

Vsugar 3 years 10 weeks

If there is no other girl who would "put up with all the crap" he puts you through, then why oh WHY are you putting up with it????!?!??? You are better off without him, regardless of how it ended. He might very well be in the wrong. He might very well be dumping you for all the wrong reasons. SO WHAT?!?!?? WHy are you wasting your time with someone who obviously makes you put up with all kinds of sh*t that you don't want to put up with?!??? LEAVE. RUN. End it. For good.

3 years 10 weeks

Run.

3 years 10 weeks

Did he really have a friend there who texted him about it, or is he just saying that because he's trying to catch you in a lie (not trying to say you're lying here, but i think this is a common tactic for men)? He sounds like a douche. You could let him know that he can contact you only when he starts being more mature. Beware, however, that he most likely will not change. Hope that helps.

dexaholic 3 years 10 weeks

Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my ex. I'm much better off without him, and you will be without yours too!

hypnoticmix 3 years 10 weeks

What is exactly going here I don't know but what I do know is he can go to hell. One you stopped the kiss and two you told him what happened. You did what was expected of some one in a monogamous relationship. You remembered your commitment to the one you love and were honest all while apparently intoxicated. If he's not satisfied with that he's got issues honey. You don't need some one that unforgiving making you feel bad for doing the right thing. Also from your description of your daily/weekly interaction sounds like you are sacrificing what you really want in a partner simply to make this work. Do not do that and I speak from experience it's not worth your holistic happyness. There are plenty of men out there that would be a much better fit.

hypnoticmix 3 years 10 weeks

kismekate 3 years 10 weeks

Yah, your boyfriend sounds like a loser. You shouldn't have to "put up with" anything. That's just ridiculous.

spacekatgal 3 years 10 weeks

I agree with the majority. You shouldn't have put yourself in that situation, but the fact that he believes spies over you is a major red flag. I had a serious boyfriend once that was finishing up his PhD. It was long hours, and a lot of emotional neglect. It sounds a lot like your situation. What I found was all the late nights of never seeing him had taken such a toll on the relationship it was not salvageable. Trust me, if you cut your emotional losses, in time you'll realize what a terrible situation you were in.

spacekatgal 3 years 10 weeks

genesisrocks 3 years 10 weeks

Didn't pull back fast enough! Are you kidding me? Besides that I think your relationship has other problems than that. When you talk about all his "BS" it doesn't sound like you're getting everything you want out of it. Since he's mad at you use this as an opportunity to step back and reevaluate your life.

danakscully64 3 years 10 weeks

I agree with the majority. He doesn't need to forgive you, you pushed away. The fact that he believes his friend over you is a MAJOR red flag. His friend sounds like a douche too, it was YOUR place to tell your boyfriend, not his friend. Especially since you weren't given time to, if you were planning on lying to him about the situation, then it would have been different. The friend sounds like drama, you should confront him. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend trusts you, run like hell. Overall, it doesn't sound like you're getting what you need from the relationship anyway.

danakscully64 3 years 10 weeks

notinthemood 3 years 11 weeks

I agree with Nevaeh's take... you shouldn't have put yourself in an uncompromising position, but he has no good excuse for sending spies and putting their word above yours. Time to cut this one loose... sounds like you're kind of sick of him, anyway.

Bettye Wayne 3 years 11 weeks

"How can I quit looking like a fool and begging him to forgive me over a kiss that was not my fault.?" You could stop begging! Any guy who dispatches spies and blows you off is a waste of time. Tell me about the guy who kissed you- you have chemistry with him, right? He sounds like a better option.

Bettye Wayne 3 years 11 weeks

"How can I quit looking like a fool and begging him to forgive me over a kiss that was not my fault.?"You could stop begging!Any guy who dispatches spies and blows you off is a waste of time. Tell me about the guy who kissed you- you have chemistry with him, right? He sounds like a better option.

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