Sorry you're having a rough time. If people are being rude, there is not much you can do except politely say that their behavior, remark, whatever is inappropriate, move on, and ignore them. Doing much more will give them the attention they crave, and won't change their ignorant views.

Also, when you start feeling insecure, you can get paranoid and may start to see disapproval when it's not really there. Sometimes people are looking at you because you're beautiful and exotic looking, not because they think you shouldn't be with a white guy. People's eyes are just naturally drawn to things that look different, they can't help it, and you can't help that you stand out in a crowd if you're in a mostly white area of the country. Of course, if someone is staring to the point of being rude, you certainly have the right to stare right back with a, "What's your problem?" look.

I would talk to your bf if there is someone in particular that is bothering you. If it's one of his friends/acquaintances, he should stick up for you and tell them to knock it off.

Hope your confidence improves!

Just keep ignoring it and eventually you wont even notice. I used to notice all the looks we used to get as well, we would get glared at by old white people, almost every black person we saw and alot of east indian people... I dont know whats thats all about because neither of us are east indian lol I always kind of got a thrill out of pissing those people off, breaking through the stereotypes and making interracial couples more pronounced. The more interracial couples there are the easier it will be for people to accept it. You're doing a good thing, not only for yourself but for interracial couples everywhere! (Play inspirational music)

Anyways, we used to notice the glares and whispers but it was just too much effort to get upset about it. People will believe what they want to believe no matter how beautiful or exotic you are (or in my case, plain haha). If you keep letting it bug you then all it will do is ruin your relationship and prove them right. If you're happy then stop letting outside forces make you unhappy. INCLUDING his ex girlfriend. If he wanted to date a plain old American stereotype then he would, but he's dating you so obviously he doesnt.

Grow a backbone and just rise above the prejudice. Nothing you do can change what they think but dont let them change how you feel either.

I think the problem is in your head. Please do what you can to gain self-confidence, so that even if strangers are giving you funny looks, it won't bother you.

Dont Let it bother you! My husband & I had the Same thing & we still do after 17 years. When we first got together my children were small, 6,5,& 3. At times they would stare a very long time while we were eating out I would blurt out yes they are his...lol Then I would kinda feel bad for stooping to their level but for a time I got to vent. So all I am saying it is their ignorance, so just try your best too over look fools!!
♥T♥A♥K♥E♥ ♥C♥A♥R♥E♥ ♥&♥ ♥G♥O♥D ♥B♥L♥E♥S♥S♥ ♥Y♥O♥U♥!!!
.·:*¨¨*:·..Granny_Gina..·:*¨¨*:·.

This same thing happened to me before (the weird looks) and I probably have a really similar look to you (I'm persian/turkish/russky/german). I just thought that people were looking at me because I looked different... not because they disapproved or anything. Besides? Who cares what they think? People who look at you funny because of your difference in ethnicity are being discriminatory and are not worth your time or worry. Just ignore them. I generally just say hello and act friendly if someone is staring at me. They usually look surprised and say hi back.

I am assuming that you weren't going to dump your bf over this, so you need to NOT feel like you don't look good with your boyfriend! You're right. This sounds like it is turning into an insecurity so you should nip it in the bud. Be proud that you have an exotic look! Lots of "very american" looking girls are probably dying to stand out like you do! Everyone wants what they don't have right?

Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.

For starters your boyfriend actually chose you. And secondly, it doesn't matter what everyone else things, they're just being stupid and ignorant. Those interracial relationship laws preventing people from marrying who they want to are abolished, slavery's over, and there's really not any more segregation, so people just need to get over it and stick their ignorance, well you know where. Really it depends on what you think, and just like everything else, it just comes down two the two of you and your relationship with each others. But yeh, it's totally annoying and can be challenging at times, but it mostly comes down to you and what you think and whether you care what they think. Being with a Spanish chick before I had to put up with random Spanish guys saying stuff about us, racist crap about me, or trying to catch a pass at my girlfriend like I was an idiot and couldn't understand what they were saying. Would even get random looks at some people on the street, but you know what? You can have fun with it. Someone gives you a dirty look, then pull your bf in for a good nice kiss. That would probably make them feel even more sick right? Haha, why let it bother you, it's bothering them yes, but instead of letting their negative emotions cloud you, deflect it right back! I mean it's freakin 2009 and people still haven't gotten over their stupid "omg you're ruining the races." We're all like M&M's, everyone's different colors but but we're all the same inside...melts in your mouth not in your hands...top it on some ice cream, yum yum yum.

Haha GScott. I love the m&m's comparison.

Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.

Fallen: "plain old American stereotype"

really? Was that needed?

As to the poster who wrote this entry: Love who you are, obviously your bf does. People will always find a reason to look down on others (for lots of stupid reasons) but you can't let it affect who you are, why you love yourself or your ability to walk with your bf with your head high and full of pride (because I'm sure thats how he feels while walking with you).
If people stare then let them, you have your own life and love to be happy with.

Oh, I'm sorry Smacks83 is "very standard American looking girl" any better?

Unless you're throwing yourself into the "plain old American stereotype" category then why would you be offended?

I just don't see why you would make other groups "plain". And no, I'm Latina myself, I just don't get why you need to put down others (who fit the "plain American" girl) to make someone else feel better about themself.
And since America is a big old melting pot, what exactly do you consider "American" looking? Native Americans with long black hair? Those that came from Europe with fair skin? Mexican tribal people that were here before we decided to draw a line down their land and claim it?
To me there really isn't a "standard".

"Unless you're throwing yourself into the "plain old American stereotype" category then why would you be offended?"

So I can't be bothered if someone says something unkind about another racial group? Why, because I'm not of that racial group so I should care? I'm pretty sure if someone said something about your bf you would be pissed.

Um, actually a "plain old American stereotype" isnt a race, it's a STEREOTYPE. Many people love that apple pie, stars and stripes, girl next door American stereotype perpetuated in thousands of movies.. which is why it's a popular stereotype. I would never tell someone that they're plain because no one is TRULY plain. Everyone has something in them that makes them special whether it's their love of dance or their expertise in spicy foods. I might look at someone and think "well she seems kind of plain" but someone else might look at her and think "God that chick is amazing! I wish I could be her/date her/get to know her" everything is subjective so I wasn't being offensive to the "plain" girls out there because technically, there is no such thing.

I said nothing wrong or offensive, you're just *attempting* to blow this all up so you can feel better about yourself. I bet your patting yourself on the back and saying "Yea, I'm so non-racist! Standing up for plain 'ol american girls everywhere!"

LOL get over yourself and stop trying to make me look like the bad guy.

I don't get how wondering why you are seemingly putting down one group to make someone feel better is blowing it up, but ok. Thats how you feel. I don't "pat myself on the back" when I am actually curious by someone's comment. I question it. But ok, turn me into the snob if thats what makes you feel better.

I've owned up to my comments, always do.

The plain American girl you're all describing actually sounds like someone of Scandinavian descent . . .

lol I dont know if you understand what a stereotype is. Dictionary.com describes it as: a simplified and standardized conception or a set form; convention. Meaning that it's not an actual group of people who refer to themselves as the American Stereotypes, it is the simplified version of how people perceive a typical American.

I never said that all American women are plain and old, I didnt even say that there are even true American stereotypes out there. The OP was nervous because she perceived his ex girlfriend as being the "very standard American looking girl" aka the Stereotypical American girl (Luisa is right, she's most likely of Scandinavian or European decent but that's besides the point as it is still a Stereotype I'm referring to not a race.)

My point is, I never said anything bad about anyone. I never bad mouthed Americans, I never called anyone plain, all I said is that if her man WANTED to date someone who fell under her percetion of a Plain old American stereotype then he would have instead of being with her; regardless of what her actual idea of a plain old american stereotype might be. If I said that all Americans like apple pie, bad movies, war and ... whatever the hell else American stereotypes portray THEM I would be stereotyping/prejudice/potentially racist but because I actually referred to STEREOTYPE then obviously I was quite aware of what I was saying.

Understand?

Maybe you should read a bit more carefully into what I said before trying to shame me.

I'm not saying YOU are blowing up, I was saying that you were trying to blow the situation up bigger then what it needs to be... which is exactly what you did. Just because you THINK I was being offensive (because you obviously didnt understand the point I was trying to make) doesnt mean I actually was. I stand by what I said and I always do, I'm not trying to negate what I said, I'm trying to explain it to you so that next time you hear someone say "stereotype" you'll understand what they're trying to say.

Smacks83 - no one said anything even mildly offensive, there is such a thing as being too PC.

On topic: I agree with the other posters, there's always something. Judge your relationship on its contents, not on the looks you might get.

smacks 83-troll perhaps??????????????mole hill out of nothing? yes!

No one's making sense here. Am I to understand this? (and to be blunt) people are interpreting Fallen's comment of plain American stereotype that everyone stick to their own kind...manifest destiny, blah blah blah, white people rule, white man should only be with white woman, give dirty looks to anyone not with this own race? This whole argument is silly. Look, everyone one of use will die within a 150 year time span from when we were born, so after we're all dead and gone, why the hell would it matter who our children or grandchildren or their grandchildren end up with? Last time I checked dead people don't think, or have emotions. So, if you're "white, or purple, and want to marry an orange or grey person, go right ahead. In the end, whoever doesn't like it can just go in a corner and whine about it because really, they're the ones ending up miserable and stressed out in the end, while the happy couple is making rainbow babies.

^Anyway, there's massive typos in that, but I'm sure everyone gets the point.

Let them stare, be proud of your relationship.

She was interpreting my comment of "plain old American stereotype" as being racist against plain old American stereotypes... yea, very dumb

Let me join the band wagon than: Fallen, how could you say such a thing?! I'm so appalled that im going to ask for my $200 back. And i'm calling the cops on you. Aghhhhhhhh! And you copied my hairstyle!

LOL Wtf R&R? you're crazy haha

They're probably not even looking at you two because you're an interracial couple. They're probably checking you out because you're both so good looking!
Seriously, I've said this before and I'll reiterate it here; people stare at anything. In some cases it will be because you're a little darker than your boyfriend, but in most cases it is because people like to stare. Learn to love yourself and move on. That is basically all you can do!

Fallen- I see where Smacks is coming from, though I also disagree with "plain old" being offensive. I don't think you need to talk down to her and say her thoughts are "dumb", just explain your meaning and move on.

Be careful or he might dump you for a plain american girl because you have no self esteem.

Who cares what other people think!!!! My fiance is filipino and I am a "plain ol' american girl" (btw, I say that with pride ) with blond hair and blue eyes. We don't really care how other people see us. The only opinions that matter are our friends and they think we are just two peas in a pod.

You are just feeling insecure because this is a new experience for you. I know it sounds cliche but, celebrate you differences, whether its your tan skin or his fair hair. Don't let a superficial external pressure you into breaking up with him. You'll always wonder, "what if. . ."?

There's always someone out to spoil something beautiful....sigh.

I bet you'll have adorable kids!

Why in the world should that make you feel bad.It's no one's business.Be proud of who you and your boyfriend are.Who gives a sh*t what anybody else thinks.

I cannot believe that some people out there are still ignorant enough to pull that immature crap.

i agree with lilegwene. I really think you're jumping to conclusions here. yes there are some people who are uncomfortable with it, but people really have better things to do than to worry about who you're dating.

This is really shocking if people out there are making you feel bad because of the different backgrounds -your boyfriend obviously loves and wants to be with you due to yourself!
You shouldn't worry what other people think and embrace your diversity and what makes you you - the people that love you do

What is with the stock photo for this?! The two people are both white and she has a huge a$$ in those 80's jeans... I'm confused and terrified by this photo.

Fallen I agree and will also point out that i detest people who walk with their hands in eachothers pockets...

Ha, I'm a plain old American girl. I once dated a man of a different race. I got called every name you can think of by the people in his neighborhood of the same race as him. Barbie, cracker, white trash, you name it. I could deal with the looks but the name calling and people going out of their way to try to verbally put me down like that shook me up a bit. It sucks but if all you are getting is a few looks deal with it. People stare at me all the time because I am almost 6 feet tall. I'm not crying about it though because that's who I am and I am ok with myself and I have fun with it sometimes. If all you are getting is a few weird looks ignore it and concentrate more on becoming comfortable with who you are. That's the only way you'll truly get past it.

I lived with my ex, who is Filipino (I'm white) in a very conservative, mostly white Polish neighborhood. I used to get stared DOWN everywhere I went by the older people - I mean, sitting in a restaurant, some old man would just be glaring at me with the nastiest look on his face. I think lots of them thought I was Polish and taking up with a Puerto Rican dude from the "wrong side" of the neighborhood (this is Brooklyn). Anyway, it really made me upset and I finally just started staring back. You have to tell yourself that honest people will look past skin color, no matter what their initial prejudices might be. Also, if it's older people, you have to remember that they might disapprove of so many things about modern life (sex before marriage, not going to church, living together, even women working!) that you can't win. The nice ones will deal, the rest of them will just die bitter and angry people. seriously.

p.s. not that there's anything wrong with Puerto Rican dudes either - I'm just trying to set up the ethnic makeup of where I live and what the majority think about it...

My boyfriend and I get tons of looks, from "my" people and "his". I look right back and keep walking.

Once we had a woman yell at me "Ain't nothing wrong with a black man!" and after I realized what she'd said, I told my boyfriend we needed to have a massive PDA in the middle of the sidewalk.

People aren't going to accept, for whatever silly reasons they have. Maybe they're jealous. Maybe they're ignorant. Who knows, who cares. They aren't the ones paying your bills, buying your things, directing your life. That's up to you and whoever you choose to share your life with.

Though my boyfriend and I are settling down in a predominantly "his" area, so we'll go places, and I'll feel out of place. The best I or anyone else can do is be yourself, and let who you are show people why you are so awesome and he is with you.

I plan to start carrying a disposacam, so when people stare disapprovingly, I can either ask them if they'd like me to take a picture and mail it to them (with a hilariously polite letter), or to take a picture of them and say "you're glaring at me now, but now I can glare at you FOREVER!!!!"

Don't let ignorant people get you down. I can't believe that people still pass judgement on this situation. You seem happy and confident, so hold your head high and enjoy your relationship. Good Luck!

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Timing Is Everything

Omg, LOVE the mom jeans in the stock photo. Nice job, Sugar.

I'm in on myself. At the end of the day, what's important it the two of you. Never lose focus on that. There was something that drew the two of you together and you're with each and only responsible for that. People can look, stare, make comments, point, but that still won't matter because you're not in a relationship with them, you're in one with him and if others have a problem, that's on them.

thank you luisa!!! i totally couldn't even read the post because i was too distracted by the early 90s stock photo!

...and the fact that both of the people in the picture are white

My advice has already been said so I will go on record to say that the picture on this post is borderline disturbing.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt (This Is My Story, 1937)

yeah, "just say no" to mom jeans and pocket-holding!

Mom jeans make your ass look long, ladies. Just stay away.

LoL, I thought it was just mean...I'm thinking, what does the stock photo have to do with the subject. And why is his hand in her pocket...and the outfit...looks so granny =\ I'm scared...

Like everyone else is saying, love yourself because he does.

Secondly, to make you feel better when people give you nasty looks, remember these two things:

Interracial sex is hot. The people glaring at you are missing out and you are not.

Secondly, think of how much prettier your mixed-race children will be than their kids.*

I'm White and my husband is Mexican. We get these looks all the time and I actually think it's a little funny that other people go around being stressed out and angry at every interracial couple they see. Think of how much time they spend being angry because of other people's life choices that don't affect them in the slightest.

*Stereotype, yes, but people of mixed race are very often quite beautiful, and it's designed to make you feel better.

My husband is half Indian, half Mexican. I'm half white, half Filipino. We're about as interracial as you can get lol. I'm sure we get looks too, but I just choose to ignore it and focus on our amazing relationship. You're lucky to find love no matter what shape, size or color it comes in - just appreciate what you have and let the rest fall by the wayside.