My office has 12 employees, all of whom are women. Most of us get along pretty well, but there is one woman, Sandy, who doesn't get along with anyone. She is generally unpleasant and kind of nasty to everyone, but especially to me. She seems to have singled me out and all of our coworkers have noticed it.
Here are some examples of her behavior:
- She publicly disagrees with everything I say. If we are in a meeting and I have an idea, she tells me it won't work. But if someone else suggests the same thing, she's all over it.
- When she was having computer troubles, I suggested that she defrag her hard drive. She shot down my idea as useless and then tried everything else under the sun, unsuccessfully. When the IT finally came, he told her to defrag her hard drive. She never said another word to me about it, not even, "Sorry, you were right."
- She's in charge of ordering office supplies for the department. But every time I request something, she always "forgets" to order it. She doesn't "forget" anyone else's stuff.
- Every morning, when I walk past her desk, I say, "Good morning, Sandy." She ignores me. But I hear her muttering hello to everyone else.
She is not my supervisor so I don't feel like my job is in danger but I'm getting really frustrated. I've wracked my brain to figure out if there's anything I could have done to her to make her hate me so, but she's been like that with me since the day I started.
I'm not sure what to do. I want to confront her but I really want things to remain professional and cordial. Should I confront her anyway? Should I talk to my manager about it? Or should I just grin and bear it?
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Lanvin
I would confront her on it and if that doesn't help just ignore her and don't bother talking to her unless absolutely necessary.
1While I understand what Liss is saying, sometimes women (such as sandy), never wants to cope with everyone around them. They single out one person just to be rude to. Forget her she's not worth it.
I don't understand why you wanna speak to her in the first place? She's a straight up b*tch.
2Don't you dare force a confrontation, it'll just make things worse.
3Talk to your manager/boss/supervisor and ask for advice about dealing with this. They are there to make sure you have a good work environment. If you skip the chain of command you'll be responsible for any fallout.
my advice .
be as prepared as possible [period].
So if you go talk to your boss, have what she has done written down (the above + more) - dates are important, so if you remember the date, the better!
Be as specific as possible, weather it is talking to her or your boss.
Some people [like myself] thrive on confrontation, some people hate it! You will know which one she is, if she thrives, and you do too, its a bad mix, there will just be tension.
If you confront her, make sure you have told your boss that there are things going on between the two of you, and you feel you need to discuss it with her (as a heads up, so if Sandy mentions it, or skews the story your boss already knows).
And make sure it is not public and in a confined space where you wont be interrupted, for she too, will be able to say anything.
I have always start with the "I don't know what I did to offend you, but I'd really like to resolve this because we do have to work together... etc"
If all else fails . NEVER grin and bear it.
be super nice to her, almost like your her sister who hasn't seen her in 5 years. Ask her how she is doing, how her weekend was, how her boyfriend/cat is etc. (and if no answer) keep on talking (to yourself-ish), carry on the conversation by answering your own questions - she will leave you the eff alone =)
4I would say if it bothers you that much you should speak with a supervisor or an HR rep. No one has the right to make you feel that uncomfortable while working. Having said that I think what she's doing is pretty petty stuff, and while it's annoying I wouldn't say it constitutes anything other than apersonality conflict. If she is this way with eevryone why worry about it. Jsut deal with her in the times that you have to and ignore her the rest of the time. when she doesn't order your supplies or something like that, bring it up tp a superior because she is then exhibiting poor job performance and you have cause to alert someone. I don't think that most workplaces will really be able to do antyhing, as there is no requirement to play well with others at work.
5She's the one who is being unprofessional - bring it up.
6i'm just going to throw this out there to the original poster, do you work at Aldi?
//same exact situation when i worked there
7I think you're taking this all way too personally. Here's how to deal:
1. When she (or someone else) mentions an idea that was first yours, say "It sounds like you're building off my idea from earlier, and I definitely think we should do it."
2. Stop offering her advice. She doesn't want it and isn't asking for it. If she comes to you with a problem, say "I'm sorry, I wish I could help." And leave it at that.
3. Submit all supply requests via e-mail and cc your boss. If the items don't arrive, write another e-mail and say "Hi Sandy, just wondering when I can expect to receive the file folders I ordered." Again, cc the boss.
4. Stop saying good morning. It only gets your day off to a bad start. Even other are only getting mumbles.
And finally, let go of your paranoia!
8Unfortunately, this is a pretty common occurrence when you're dealing with a office full of women 90r men). There is always that one who has to be the head hen. I had a pretty similar thing happen to me when a bunch of newbie’s joined my office. I couldn't believe how vicious one woman could be for no good reason. I finally did exactly what shoe28 described and documented everything and reported it to HR. She was written up and is basically on probation. Her job is in my hands. Thank goodness I believe in karma or she would be gone. Now this isn't going to exactly solve your problem, because these wenches do tend to become your "BFF". You develop a "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer" relationship, which can also be tiresome always watching your back. But you will have let her know you’re not taking her crap. What's truly sad about these individuals is that they never stop their bulling tactics, they just move on to someone else they think won't stand up to them. It's so JH. I hope whatever advice you take it helps, because as one who lived thru 6 months of hell before taking what I considered drastic action, I almost let one bad apple drive me to quitting a really good job and no one person is worth that.
9Good Luck.
1)Your going to have to ignore her disagreeing with you in meetings, if everyone else is hearing it than your boss should say something or you can ask her to look into the behavior.
2)Dont offer her advice anymore, simple enough. That way you dont set yourself up for disappointment
3) Email her the request for copies or hand print, and blind copy it to your boss, or hand her the request telling her that you ordered supplies and expect to get them. Keep track of it.
4) IF you know what she is like, quit expecting a miracle.
You know she is a turd, so quit breathing in her stench.
10no everyone will like you...for whatever reason she obviously doesn't.... ACCEPT IT!
KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL..you don't have to help her in hopes she changes her mind.
When ordering supplies...email and cc your boss.
11Tell your superiors, and then ignore the b@tch.
12If you do decide to confront her take a third party with, preferably a superior. That way your back is covered if she turns on you. It has happened when a person confronts the other over a crappy attitude then, person goes to management to put in a complaint. Then its a case of he said she said.
13Go to HR first, and have everything documented. If she was just being rude, that's one thing. But she is directly inteferring with you work, that's not something to grin and bear.
14I think the only thing here affecting your work quite honestly is the office supplies. If she is not ordering what you requested- she is hindering your work. I would most definitely send an email to her and request the items and emphasize that you need those items for work. If they don't arrive you have an email written record. At that point, fwd her the email and CC your boss and ask why these items were not included and if she needs help in a system so that she does not always forget. That way you have turned the situation around and have attacked her work not her personality or her behavior. In the end, you don't have to be her friend and you certainly dont seem to need her to get your work done besides office supplies so let everything else go.
15luisamapacha has some good practical advice.
RockAndRepublic took the words right out of my mouth though.
By the way, I don't feel that the comments about luisamapacha were appropriate. I personally disagree with a lot of what she says, but to be preemptively mean on a post just seems sort of odd and/or bitter.
Actually, the mean-spirited comments are a perfect example of how the original poster should NOT respond if someone ticks them off. It's much easier to side with someone who takes the high road rather than with someone who starts being b*tchy also. From an outside observer's perspective, you can't tell who's who.
I'd steer clear and keep being a good employee and a good person.
16I agree with luisamapacha...
I find that a lot of women in the work place tend to take things personally, whereas men don't care if somebody likes them or not. Its business, as long as you get your job done, just ignore her. If she is preventing you from doing your job, then address the issue to HR, and definitely cc your boss on any emails/requests you send her way.
Your best bet is to stop trying so hard to get her to like you, it's just not going to happen.
17Discuss this with your boss, they are keeping track of the business and employees, so they may not know what is going on...also they are there to make sure the office stays productive and all the workers are comfortable in their profession. Don't confront her...this will only make the situation worse and it is unprofessional. Luisamapacha has some pretty good advice about emailing and help. If there are any other instances like those listed above, be sure to document them for your boss...and remember the date! Good luck, I hope the b*tch gets tamed!
18I'm not sure why people are all up in arms about luisamapacha- but I generally find that when somebody is honest and articulate on the site they get attacked by others. C'est la vie.
19That sounds incredibly annoying. Speaking from the point of view of a longtime manager who's had to defuse quite a few personality conflicts, though, I would say to be careful what points you bring up when you discuss this issue with your supervisor. Only bring up points that directly relate to your work and how her behavior adversely affects that; steer clear of any personal aversions or things like general unfriendliness that doesn't have to do with work. Think about what she does that actually affects your job, stick to that, and remember that you don't come to work to be friends with everyone or even to get along with everyone, you come to work to be productive. When you speak with your supervisor, that would be a good point to bring up, too. Frame your argument in the sense of "her behavior has a negative impact on my work," rather than in a personal or emotional way. That will give your supervisor more incentive to deal with the problem.
20You ain't said but a word. she's a b*tch, so therefore you can be one too. I wouldn't go out of my way to be one (although it's soooo much fun). but just stop speaking to her.
the next time her computer crashes, say "aww . . .look at that . ." and walk off. (i know, it's petty, but i LOVE laughing at stupid people).
the only thing that bothers me is about her holdin' up the supplies. Everyone i work with knows how i get about having my colorful post-its!!!! i would tell who ever is directly above her on that matter. Just say, 'could you order me such and such, because everytime i put in a request with Sandy, she seems to forget. and i really need to mail off such and such before the cut-off date . . ."
hook that b*tch!
21OMG, it's Tuesday. It's my official "I'm a C*nt Day!".
1. take her parking spot
2. accidentally spill coffe on her files
3. bring a treat for everyone, and make a big deal about it at lunch. but don't bring her any.
4. when you say good morning, mention how you thought that she was on a diet, and how it didn't take her long to quit it.
muuuhahhahhahahahhahah!!!
(disclaimer: don't do this for real. it's petty . . .and you're suppose to take the high road. plus, it might get you in trouble at work. this is all for laughs . . .although Tuesdays are my official b*tch days.)
22^^^I wish a b*tch would do that... It'll really be end of story! lol
23If she's purposely leaving out your supply orders, I would take it up with the manager. Someone said to print out all your requests and CC your manager. I agree with her. Also, if she's just nasty to everyone, I doubt she's just nastier to you. From your perspective, it may seem like it. In any case, she's not a team player in that work environment of yours. She needs to shape up or get fired.
24I completely agree with luisamapacha.. but that's not to say that you're wrong. It just means that you have a right to speak up and do not have to put up with her b.s.. I work with someone like this and I finally made the decision to be assertive and not let her get to me anymore. It has made a world of difference.
25Asia, you bleepin' kill!
26Lots of good suggestions.
I would definitely make your superior aware that there's a problem. Whether he acts then or not, he should be aware of the situation. Your boss absolutely wants a healthy and friendly work environment for everyone.
Writing confrontations down would be a good idea. If a particularly significant confrontation occurs, you should write down what happened in your words, have a witness sign it, and give it to your superior (and keep a copy for yourself). This is for security in case it turns into a more serious problem.
Other than that, I would try to avoid interaction with her as much as possible. I've found that it's a lot easier to tolerate people when you see/think about them very little. And try to find the humor in it. When you have a run-in with her, just laugh at how ridiculous she is.
27LMAO Asia.
I agree to the practical ideas from luisamapacha. That's probably I'd do, but if it's Tuesday...I may just go w/ Asia
28I had this same problem at my last job. Obviously, I ended up quitting (for a bunch of reasons, but this girl was number one). I never confronted her, but I did kill her with kindness and it seemed to help a little. I never had the guts to confront her myself. I'd maybe start by saying something to your boss about it and finding out what you should do from her. If her advice sucks, I would go ahead and confront the b!tch. Good luck!
29I agree with Luisamapacha.... and my side is seriously hurting from laughing at Asia's response (I'd love to see the things you mentioned happen in real life, it'd totally make a boring work day rock!)
But on a serious note and professional note: You're letting this affect you way too much. Let it go, and go on about your work. Except the supplies...I agree with all the above commenters who suggested cc'ing your boss.
30sure, it sucks, but I don't see why it matters. as long as she's not personally attacking you in meetings or anything, who cares? I often find that it's the people who run their mouth about you that really bring the work you're doing down, not doing annoying little things like not saying "hello" back to you.
31or who knows...maybe I've just had some AWFUL coworkers lol and now I think what's bad could def. be worse. bottom line: if it affects the way you do your job, then it's a problem for you, and you should talk to your boss about it. just understand that you run the risk of sounding like you're asking, "why doesn't she like meee?"
She obviously doesn't want to speak to you for whatever reason. I am sure this is frustrating since you have no idea what it's about, but why do you care? You work with her that's it. There is no reason you need to have a relationship beyond business. Unless she is endangering your chance in advancing or making you look bad in front of a superior I would leave it alone.
I work in an office with lots of women and some can be very petty. I think the best thing you can do is just not speak to her and go about your business. Why do you insistn on putting yourself in the situations where she can shoot you down. It is not a requirement that you help her with her computer, say hello, or anything else that might give her a chance to make you feel like crap, so don't do it.
32the comments on this one are too funny.
the two biggest things I would do:
1) kill her with kindness.
2) BE GREAT AT YOUR JOB. Whatever her problem is, she will hate you more if you're the boss's "favorite."
I don't know about telling the boss. You might seem like a hypersensitive employee if your boss asks you for specific offenses and you say stuff like "she doesn't say hi to me in the morning." i'm not saying you're overreacting because I would be REALLY pissed too.
33I had a similar situation in my office too. Eventually I simply stopped talking to the woman except about strictly professional things (for example, I would never say 'how was your weekend?'). When I had to talk to her I made sure to be extremely professional and courteous, but outside of that, I just did not speak to her. She got the message and started to behave more professionally; she ended up getting a job somewhere else shortly after.
341. Yeah, talk to your supervisor.
2. And: act the exact same to her. Better still, ignore her. I've had the exact same problem, with a roommate for example. Pull down your white flag and treat her like air. She might suddenly start acting respectful to you.
And my hunch is that she's just jealous of you. Do you get more accolades than her from your boss? Did you recently beat her at something? Are you drop-dead gorgeous? It could be any number of these things.
And.. chin up
these small-hearted people are not worth your energy.
35Talk to your supervisor and if you have a human resources office, talk to them. She needs to be singled out for her childish and appalling behaviour and she needs to be held accountable for it.
I've had this happen to me. It's always the bitter old hag hating on the fun-loving younger woman that has everything they never will.
And KILL her with KINDNESS. Nothing will infuriate her more and you can't get in trouble for it.
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