Group Therapy: Chubby Hubby

Stop cooking too much. That way he can't go back for seconds.

That's a good idea lily. Also I would get snack food out of the house. Do you do the grocery shopping or does he? If he does, I would make out a list for him of what to buy, either that or go with him to monitor what he buys!

For some activity, why don't you guys go for walks together? The weather is nice and cool now, it could just be a walk around the block. Then once the weather gets cold, you could join a gym. The gym I belong to has tons of classes and there are people of every shape, size, and fitness level there.

And I know how you feel.. my bf has gained 25 lbs since January. While he has been making an effort to eat better and be more active, I would be lying if I said it hasn't hurt my attraction for him.

People will do that when they become comfortable, and thats absolutely okay. My man has gained weight as well since we're together, but I love him just the same and am absolutely attracted to him still because I love the whole package. Its deep for me.

With that, people will lose weight when they are ready to and not a minute before.

Cook healhier, and not large amounts of food. Serve the appropriate sized portions, and before you sit down and eat, put the food in the freezer/fridge to be used as leftovers OR only cook what you need.

Go out for walks after dinner every night and help him work it off.

And quit being so shallow.

I agree with the others except for the shallow part. I think you have the righ to feel the way you do...you are a human! I thinks its time for a heart to heart...be honest. And then work together to lose the weight. Invite him to go for walks, go shopping and if that still doesnt work have you ever thought that he might be depressed?

It has nothing to do with not loving that person "deeply" *rolls eyes* And its not being shallow to not be okay with your spouse gaining weight.

I can relate my hubby has gained a bunch since we have been married. His Job isnt an active one, and he doesnt exercise, we also eat healthy but he does eat too much, and i know his lunches are terrible. It is really up to the individual but I KNOW that if i am motivated to get up and move so will he, so that is really my answer to this...be an example, dont be harsh but impress on him that its unhealthy and he will feel better about himself if he does.

Lately i have been the only one shopping, so there is no temptation to get unhealthy foods. I love shopping anyway, its deep for me......

I don't think it is shallow... of course we love them... but you have noticed a change. My hubby gained some weight after our wedding as well. So we made it a game to lose weight. For every 3 pounds I lose he has to lose 5 pounds. Each time you win you get to pick the movie of your choice and the other person has to cook you a healthy dinner. Then we start over for the next 5/3 pounds. We both know we could lose a few pounds now weighing ourselves is a game. So if I order an extra beer at dinner he won't and mention that he might win the next weigh in. It encourages us both to try to do better... even if it is just to win a movie!

PLUS... If I get up and go work out... it makes him want to get up and go with me so he won't lose! Then that gives us extra time together in the mornings!

It's not shallow to want your husband to lose weight. Not only is excess fat unattractive but more importantly it signifies a less healthy lifestyle and a lack of care for himself. The fact that it's compromising your sex life is a huge blow too.

I'm sure he does hate being overweight, but you can't *make* someone want to be healthier. The change has to come from them. However, that doesn't mean there are a few ways you can help him to want that change.

This site: http://myfatspouse.com/ is part tongue in cheek, part serious, and ALL politically incorrect (in this fat-enabling world we live in). It might give you some ideas though.

Exercising together is a great idea. It may help motivate him, you'll spend quality time together, and you'll be getting active too. Is he stressed or depressed about anything? There may be deeper issues, or he may simply have gotten too comfortable in the relationship.

Good luck! And don't feel guilty for a second for worrying about this - I don't think it's too much to want your husband to be healthy and happy, to have a normal sex life and to not have to worry about him developing diabetes/heart disease etc in the near future.

I am glad someone asked this because we are in a similar situation. I do all the shopping, and do the cooking, but obviously at work he does make his own food choices and I have a feeling they aren't good since I am still healthy and he is not. He won't take a lunch because there isn't a fridge at his work.

I also try to get him to go for walks with me. But, there's only so much you can do... try to lead by example, keep good food in the house, and suggest things that are fun for him.

I think depression has a lot to do with it too, which is a vicious cycle because I bet he is depressed more now that he has let himself go.

Have a heart to heart, but don't tell him the attraction bit because he probably is already feeling ugly. And don't feel bad or shallow either! There is nothing wrong with trying to look good for your spouse and vice versa.

Its not shallow to want your husband to be healthy, lower their disease risk, and live a long life

Nice one, CaterpillarGirl.

It's one thing to gain a little weight but my goodness...60 lbs?? That is not good.

i agree with everyone on here.. shallow is when you go bizerk over 10 pounds but 60 lbs... thats really pushing the limit

that's great advice, rosey_y. if you know he's unhappy about the weight he's gained, maybe it's just a matter of helping him find the motivation to start doing something about it. so like others have said, work out together, turn it into a game or a contest to make it more fun. or even go to weight watchers meetings together? i don't think you're being shallow at all.

Be gentle, be gentle, be gentle! The tips about making just enough food so that there are no leftovers, or packing up the leftovers right away, are good. The tips about going for walks are good. I would expand that to include any kind of physical activity the two of you used to do in the past, but make it all about you, like, "Gee, honey, I would love to go for a walk right now, but I also really need to spend some time with you because I love to bask in the glory of your company. Would you mind going with me?"

In addition, make sure that his mental health is stable, and that he knows he's loved and wanted. Give him lots of hugs, kisses, cuddling, and yes, sex...you don't have to shower him with it, but if you're always avoiding it, he'll catch on pretty quick. Spend time with him doing the things you enjoy. If you're truly concerned about his health, approach from the emotional angle, "Honey, I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately. Are you feeling okay? Is there anything bothering you?" If he really is depressed, get him some counseling if you can. If he opens up about feeling bad about his weight, make sure you keep the conversation about being healthy so that you can share a long, happy life together, not about how he's lazy and no longer fun or sexy. Nothing makes an overweight person defensive and resistant to advice like being told they are fat and unattractive. It's depressing, discouraging, and counter-productive. People don't gain that much weight for no reason, and if you are supportive, loving, and promote a healthy lifestyle, his weight should start to come off. If it doesn't, there's something bigger going on, and I'd recommend getting a doctor involved.

maybe you could think about the life circumstances (job stress, low self-esteem, depression) he might be experiencing and try to help with THOSE, instead of concentrating on what is really a secondary problem to all of that.

^^she's not magic! my bf and I both struggle with our weight, and while I do have depression issues, we love each other very much and support each other in our endeavors. A partner can only do so much to "fix" someone's emotional problems. It sounds like the OP has a solid relationship with her husband. It is not "shallow," either, to care about your partner's fitness... she's saying it doesn't just affect her attraction, but also his personality! That's a LOT of change in a relationship. I know for a fact that our weight problems could be fixed by making healthy meals at home in smaller portions, but we are both gluttons and can't commit to cutting off junk food when we're stressed out. I agree, mutual exercise, small switches to healthier food, and perhaps going on a diet together might work. I know we are much better when we put our heads together on a diet plan.

I don't know what more you could do besides support him and be an active partner in a healthy lifestyle for him... it sounds like you're trying your best to make that effort, so cudos to you! I agree with the others, don't cook too much food at meal times, and ask him to go for walks with you after or before you eat. If you get into some sort of routine, all the better! Good luck and best wishes!

If you've been married for 6 years, you should be able to talk to him about this. This is not the type of issue that you should just grin and bear.

Choose a time outside the bedroom and away from the dinner table and talk to him about his health. Tell him "I can tell you're not as happy with yourself as you used to be . . ." and point out that any man with a waist over 40" is at high risk for diabetes and heart disease. Ask him to make an appointment to get a physical exam, and say that you will too, so that the two of you can assess your health and avoid future problems. Get a gym membership and go together 3 - 4 times per week. Don't present it to him as an option - make sure he knows it's a new routine for the two of you.

If he's a little sensitive about it, too bad. Right now it's the elephant in the room and you need to call it out. He owes it to himself, to you and any children you have/might have.

P.S. how is it "shallow" that this woman wants her husband to be physically and mentally healthy? I would say that its completely the opposite...it'd be shallow if she wanted him to get lyposuction or a nose-job or become a body builder...shes just asking for him to be more conscious of his weight for his own good and the good of their relationship and lives together.

It's not shallow at all! You married him in part, I'm sure, because of physical attraction. I would just be honest with him. Chances are he knows that it's a problem too.

Be honest. Brutal truth. It works

You didn't marry those 60 extra pounds, and you haver every right to express a concern.

I think your first step is evaluating the food in your house. Back off of processed foods if you haven't already. Fill your fridge and pantry with fruits and vegetables. Cut high-fructose corn syrup out of your diet. (That's harder than you think it is.) Don't buy ANY sodas or high-calories fruit juices - focus on water, milk, and orange juice.

And it may hurt him, and it make make the relationship rocky for a bit, but you have to bring this up. You have every right to a sexy, active, healthy husband, just like he has a right to a sexy, active, healthy wife. Go for it!

oooooh I know! Get him a subscription to Men's Health. It's a wonderful magazine with lots of great tips for men on exercise, and which low fat foods taste the least nasty, and there a few pics of well toned men, maybe it will inspire him.

You need to find a time to talk about it when it's not the heat of the moment, ie: when he wants a second helping and you don't want to give it to him, or after he's finished a too-heavy meal.

Are you in YOUR top physical condition? I had a similar issue with my fiance - not quite that heavy, but he was definitely gaining weight. We went for a walk and I told him I was not happy with my health. I told him that even though I look good in my favorite jeans, I was not in the kind of shape I wanted to be, and that I was concerned now that I was 30 about maintaining my weight and health, and that I was concerned about aging. I said,"I want to look and feel better at 40 than I do today at 30, and I want us to grow old together. I want us to look and feel sexy for as long as possible, I want us to still be randy for each other and have a great sex life when we are old, and that's only going to happen if we take good care of our health. I am committed to doing it for myself, but I can't do it alone - I need your help to stay on track and focused. Can I count on you?"

And it totally worked!! We have both lost about 15 pounds, and are in much better shape, and our lifestyle habits have really changed. Good Luck.

You need to have a heart-to-heart with him. Be honest about the way you're feeling. The important thing, though, is to do it kindly. My boyfriend and I BOTH gained significantly after moving in together, and I thought that since we'd gained, pound for pound, the exact amount, that it was something we were both dealing with. Then one day he just kind of exploded at me about it, and it wasn't pretty. Don't wait to talk to him until you angrily burst it out. Plan what you'll say, and be gentle. You don't even have to mention physical attraction, because that is just hurtful, and, at this point, unnecessary. Focus on his health and the fact that you miss the activities you used to share. If he continues to not make an effort, THEN you can bring your diminished attraction into it.

This is not shallow at all!!!! I think you've gotten some great tips on here, and I really agree with being honest with him and telling him how you feel. A. It's a health concern, and I big one at that B. It's affecting your relationship and needs to be dealt with before it gets worse, and harder to recover from. Yes, it's going to be a difficult conversation for both of you, but one that needs to be had.

60lbs is a lot of weight. my wife and i have an understanding 4 or 5 lbs is totally cool, but extreme weight gain (unless the result of some illness) is totally unacceptable. I really don't think that's shallow. A lot of men and women get comfortable and then put on weight, I disagree with it as being acceptable and if you have an issue with it you need to be clear about it with your husband. Especially if it's impacting your intimacy/sex and you have concerns about his health. I like VSugar's approach and it really is the heart of the matter - physical appearance is a slippery slope - do it together for your future, for your kids, for your love of each other. Also Clarient is 100% on - high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, white breads, soda - these are all disgusting fatbody candy.

I do not think it is smart to dance around this issue. Be a straight shooter.

every man has to eat. its more about how much hes burning off. get him to exercise with you. or just have crazy long sex every night... or both he will lose alot of weight i bet