Right now I think you need to get your priorities straight. You should NOT make this decision based on what your bf thinks you should do or based on what your bf will do about the decision you make. It is YOUR body, it is YOUR life, YOU make the decisions, not him.

I think you need to tell your bf you need a little time and space. Then really do take that time and space and think long and hard about what YOU want to do, without his influence. Pretend your bf isn't going to be in the picture no matter what happens, and then decide what to do based on that. Plan for the worst, expect the best. So, if you decide you want to keep the baby, make that decision thinking it will only be you to take care of the baby. And if you decide you don't want to keep it, make that decision thinking it will only be you in the future. Your bf obviously already pulled a 180 as you said, so why base any decision this important on what he thinks...he could always change his mind and be gone and then what would you do? Honestly, it sounds like what you really thought was the best thing to do in the first place was abort the baby, and the only reason you changed your mind was b/c of what your bf was saying. Umm, has your bf been through 9 months of pregnancy? Has your bf been through months/years of taking care of a screaming hungry/upset/etc. child at all hours? Has he had to change a baby's diaper a million times a day? I'm guessing that's a no. But you have right? B/c you said ANOTHER child, so you've been through this before. You know what's best for you. You need to make this decision based on what YOU can do, your bf is not reliable at all, forget him for this decision, as harsh as it sounds, b/c he has no idea what he is talking about. Someone who won't ever even have a chance of getting pregnant and going through that experience has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER, to judge you no matter what decision you make. He has NO idea what you are going through and he never will. So, you take that time away from your bf, and you really really think, and leave him out of the picture. You make the best decision for you, and you alone. Take care of yourself right now, b/c you can't ever rely on someone else to do it. Then, inform your bf of your decision, and if he isn't supportive of your decision, he isn't the right guy for you obviously. Sorry, I feel a bit strongly about the topic, particularly men putting their two cents in about it, haha. Hope I helped though. Good luck to you, in whatever decision you make.

Bottom line is that you need to make the decision that is right for *you*. This is a boyfriend not a husband and he can change his mind about you as quickly as he changed his mind about wanting to be the father to this child.

Some relationships can survive crises. But I'm not sure if yours will or not. Better to know now, though, rather than later.

Why would you WANT to get back with a guy who desperately tried to make you keep a baby you obviously dont want and cannot handle by promising to be there and that you two will be happy and he's so psyched to be a daddy etc etc and then two weeks later completely bails. When the girl is pregnant... that's the easy part. He is showing his true colours right now and basically saying to you "If you have this baby, I'm outta here" Why would you want to stay with a guy you cant f*cking rely on? Who has no idea what he wants or what he even thinks??

As Muirnea says you should never base a decision THIS important on someone else. Think hard about what YOU want and go with that. Regardless of what the sperm donor thinks.

Good luck

I think Fallen is right... he's shown you his true colors. It would take a big, BIG move on his part to convince me to take him back, if I were in your situation. That is the ultimate betrayal... to leave and let you deal with the mess that both of you created together. I'm sorry, but I don't think you're going to be happy with him in the future, no matter what happens. Whatever you do, don't do it because you think he's going to come riding in on a white horse to start being the man he should have been from the start. Do it with a clear conscience, understanding all the consequences and knowing that you can handle them.

You need to make your decision based on him not being in the picture at all, because, honestly, he probably won't be.

The guy is a major tool to give you a guilt trip about abortion, then turn around and say, sorry, I'M not ready. What if he had told you that in your third trimester?

Hard as it is, you have to stop thinking about this relationship and be prepared for the fact that if you keep this baby, you will be a single parent of two. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, he likely won't stick around either. He is about himself only...you need to be about you.

This is -your- decision based on what's right for -you-. His opinion doesn't count anymore, period.

Sounds to me like you want your relationship to work, and as upsetting as the situation is, I would not lose hope. I am cautiously-optimistic that he will pull his head out of his arse and stick with you no matter your decision. What matters is that both of you be open and honest with each other if you want this thing to work.

Wow. Talk about selfish. Instead of thinking about the life of your existing child and your unborn child, you're more worried about doing the right thing to keep this lame-ass guy around. Unbelievable.

You need to base your decision on what's best for you and your family - that means you, your child and your unborn child. NOT based on how this loser might or might not react.

I'll never forget one of the most powerful Post Secret cards (www.postsecret.com). A woman wrote "I had an abortion to keep him around. I should have kept the baby and killed him instead."

I agree with several of the other posters. At this point, you need to decide what is right for you, regardless of whether this man stays involved in your life or your baby's life. What do you truly feel is the right thing to do? Do you have a lot of support from your family, are you financially prepared to raise this child? Is there a way that you can make things work, in the case that this guy is not there for you? I would suggest you talk to your family (if they are supportive of you) and perhaps even before doing that, a counsellor to help you determine what is the best thing for you to do. I would agree that this man does not seem to be reliable, so I think you should base this decision on your life. Good luck.

You can only be the judge of what is best for you. I woulnd't listen to other peoples judegements.
All the best, take care xx

News flash...... it's not about him or what he wants anymore and it's definitely not a decision that should be made based upon keeping this selfish douchebag around. He sure doesn't seem like he's worth the effort nor does he sound much like father material to me either.And bringing a child into this world hoping he will change his mind about being a dad is the worst choice possible.What if that doesn't work? Are you willing to put that innocent baby through that emotional turmoil with a man who can't seem to figure out if he wants to be a parent or not?

Your only objective right now should be to do what is best for you,your existing child and most importantly your unborn child because when all is said and done he won't be there for you anyway. Good Luck to you!

your priority is that baby, not his happiness, not even your own. If he wants to continue but not with the baby in the picture than he can stay away and pay child support.

You also need to think about getting better birth control.

I don't think that the guy sounds like a keeper. If I were you I would distance yourself from him ASAP. Also, if you do decide that you are unable to be a mother to two children, please consider adoption. There are so many caring people out there who would love to have a child but for one reason or another cannot. Also, abortion is NOT the cure all that many women believe. It is painful. It is permanent. Check out some of the testimonies at www.hopeafterabortion.com.
I wish you all the best!

Who cares what he wants. If he want to leave you because you have a baby, he's not worth being around. Make decisions for YOU, based on what you think you should or should not do. If you decide not to have the baby, then make it based on a fact that either you're not ready for another one, you can't afford one, etc. Don't make that very serious decision based on what some jerk off says.

Who cares what he wants. If he want to leave you because you have a baby, he's not worth being around. Make decisions for YOU, based on what you think you should or should not do. If you decide not to have the baby, then make it based on a fact that either you're not ready for another one, you can't afford one, etc. Don't make that very serious decision based on what some jerk off says.

this decision is about you and how you feel.not him or anybody else,just you and what is good for you.at this point if you keep the baby he might bail out so maybe you should think about life without him in the picture since it seems like he can't make up his mind about what he really wants

Obviously you're not ready to take care of another child.

Oh, sweetie. All I want to do is give you a hug ... then punch your boyfriend right in the mouth. I'm shocked you're still seeing him to be honest. Giving you the bait and switch and asking you to make all the big changes in your life has shown you that he would have a been good dad. Right now, his choice doesn't matter, it's on you. If you want the baby, keep it and love it like hell. If you don't, you know what you need to do. I just think you should be thinking about whether or not you should keep him in your life.

Dump the boyfriend and do what's best for you and your 1st child. Also, find more reliable birth control, or don't sleep with any guys you date until you know who they really are and what their priorities are.

I agree completely with everyone else. Please think about YOU first. This guy just made me feel sick inside at how he is jerking you around when he is about to be a father. He is a disgusting person and I hope you know that you deserve much much better. Your poor child- this is your priority FIRST and FOREMOST. Get rid of this tool.

I can't see how this guy was committed at all. How can he say he's not ready to be a father? If he was really committed to you, he would already feel like a father to your FIRST child.

Despite what another poster said, DO NOT make a decision based on an assumption that he will pay child support. He's proven himself to be a deadbeat already, and I don't see him being reliable enough to send money to support his offspring. Most states don't have the budget to go after delinquent parents for child support, so if he falls behind on payments, you might not have much recourse.

Frankly I'm apalled by many of the comments here. There seem to be a lot of assumptions being made about both you and your boyfriend, when really there isn't enough information being given to make such judgements. I agree with most people here that this should be your decision. But as for him being a deadbeat, tool, or whatever cause he changed his mind? That's just bull. No one here can say that with any surity. I think it would be completely understandable for a guy to take a few weeks to start freaking out about that sort of thing, regardless of his initial reaction. That's not to say that he's definitely NOT going to be unreliable, but really from this one incident I think coming to that conclusion is a big stretch. And in regards to making a decision based on how it will effect your relationship - you deserve happiness just as much as everyone else in this world, if being with this guy makes you happy, and if he treats you and your existing child well, I think that's something worth taking into consideration. LilLucy is right. Do what's right for you.

regardless IF he will or wont pay support YOU GET IT ANYWAY

As much as I hate to say this, I really agree with beenthere. Having an unexpected pregnancy is a scary thing. Guys especially tend to freak out. People make mistakes and say things they don't mean. I know I have. PLUS, I am sure the distance factor isn't really helping anyone's sanity in this situation. He said he wants things to continue on as they have been, but whether or not you keep the child, what he wants is impossible. Things will change between you two.

The bottom line is, you have to do what's right for you and your children. If he is going to be a good father, take care of your family and help you raise them in a healthy environment that's one thing. If not, I would kick him to the curb. I would tell him to take some time and think about whether he wants to be a permanent part of your child's life -- maybe then you will get a better idea of what's going on with him.

Good luck.

Beenthere and SeaAre86 - you have to learn that Dear Sugar edits these posts after they've been up for a few days. What you're reading up top isn't the poster's original writing, hence all our "negative" responses.

Yeah, the original post is a very different story. Those couple words that are changed around makes a HUGE different in how the post comes across to everybody.

Why in the world does Dear edit these posts so much?! Dear? It just seems to cause a lot of friction...

Dear changed it? boo hoo... I thought this group therapy is for helping/supporting each other, not to edit the truth to boost readership...disappointing...

You know what? He doesn't matter at all. Whatever the hell he wants to do has got NOTHING to do with what you actually should or want to do for yourself. The only thing that matters right now is the BABY.

If he wants to be there... fine... but if you want to have this baby then you need to be prepared that he might not stick around for the long run. But you know what? It doesn't sound like he would have done that anyway. Does he think that sex doesn't come with consequences or something? He is behaving very immaturely.

yea if your a single mom & he bails out ,well youve done it before.i can relate from my moms expierence. my mom has always regretted her aborted child & everytime i mention it she tries to do whatever she can to stop the convo,well its seems the guilt has been eating away at her.i think my lil sis or bro is up in heaven & maybe it wasnt meant to be. go with your instincts & if you dont want to have a baby cuz of the $ like my mom or even effort,honestly not a good enough excuse, there are other options & even if you really struggle with money,well your doing that all for that little one, ur motivation to keep going.