Good Idea or Bad Idea: Saying 'I Love You' First

April 3, 2007

It's scary. It's exhilarating. It's wonderful. And someone's got to do it first. Does it matter who? Does it feel safer to you if he's the one to do it?

Do you think it's a good idea that you're the one to say those three little words before he does?

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17 Comments

3 years 5 weeks

Well i said it to my current bf first after 6 months..and he didn't say anything back, just gave me a hug. now i'm scared to say it again to him, even after a year and a half. It doesn't help that he's not good at expressing his emotions either. This just reminds me of the OC when ryan said "thank you" after marissa told him she loved him.

Neekoh 4 years 34 weeks

Resey, I absolutely agree with you! Live and love to the fullest.

Midnightkiss4u09 6 years 7 weeks

I'm married and we both say I love you :)

kendalheart 6 years 7 weeks

I say if you feel it, go for it!

ReseySugar 6 years 7 weeks

If you feel it, say it. Life is just too short.

LaLaLaurie06 6 years 7 weeks

The two relationships I have been in where the three words were said, both times it was initiated by him!!! The first time around 3 months. I said it back b/c I believed it. That relationship ended not so hot. The second time was around 1 month. NOT KIDDING. What is up with the guys professing their love to me so quickly? I'm not like some supermodel or lorelei. I'm actually a little nervous about saying it back and now am plagued by when I should say it, why don't I feel the same yet, etc. I think the first time I was able to say it back b/c it was college and we were around each other all the time. We spent time at each other's place of residence so it was like I knew lots about him in very little time. This second relationship we live about 30 minutes away and only get to see each other on weekends due to my late work schedule (I work in another city), so I'm not feeling it as quickly. Plus, he still lives with his parents (he's looking for a place but wants to buy and is not sure what will happen with us in the future...oh, it's complicated. Maybe someone understands), so it's hard to have alone time to see how we really function on our own. I want time but I'm worried about waiting too long. I don't want to have sex with him either before I'm sure, as that's how I roll. I don't just have sex with someone b/c I'm in a relationship with them. It has to be a solid relationship. Any advice?

pixiechick 6 years 7 weeks

I love Jerry Maguire :) It definately depends on the relationship. And it depends how long its been. It would scare the hell out of me if some guy I just started dating just blurted out I love you. I'd wonder what kind of emotional problems he had.

pixiechick 6 years 7 weeks

andaman 6 years 7 weeks

Jerry Mcguire handled it nicely in the film..though he backed off a little in the middle of it he eventually came back :)

andaman 6 years 7 weeks

If you say it and he runs away, then you know he's not meant to be (he should have handled it better than to run away). There I think that's a good advice for new relationships.

Marci 6 years 7 weeks

I second everything lickety said. As usual.

designergirl 6 years 7 weeks

Someone's got to say it first. Usually the guys to scared to say it first. in my experience.

lickety split 6 years 7 weeks

i haven't been in this situation for so long it seems a strange question. obviously if you don't feel like you should be able to say it there is something not quite right about the relationship. and yet a tiny part of me remembers discussing this very topic with many different girlfriends. men are so, what is the word, afraid of being trapped (maybe) that you sort of have to be a little distant in the early stages. they like to do the "hunting". after writing this i think it's probably a better idea to let him go first. and then NOT jump on it when he says it. respond but not with "oh god! i'm so glad you finally sid that!"

calibabi 6 years 7 weeks

it totally depends on the situation. i've said it first, and i've said it second. the important thing is really knowing that you mean it.

a gentle rain 6 years 7 weeks

It depends on how far into the relationship you are, the other person, how long you knew each other beofre you started dating, your personality, how old you are. Its a combination of many many things. I say go with what feels right.