Good Idea or Bad Idea: Remaining Friends with your Ex's Family

June 20, 2007

Breaking up is hard to do, we all know it is, but if you spend any significant amount of time with your partner, chances are you have grown attached to his family as well. But what happens if you want to remain close with your ex boyfriend's mom, or sister, or cousin? How would you feel if your ex kept his running lunch date with your dad? Although everyone's breakup and relationship is different, what I want to know is, do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to carry on a relationship with an ex lover's family members?

32 Comments

Elmack 1 year 48 weeks

A really, really, really bad idea! My partners ex keeps in close contact with his family. This makes me feel like I don't want to be at family functions and be in the same room as her, so I stopped going so then he stopped going because he didn't want to go without me and now he's almost estranged from his own family...because his ex didn't know when to back off.

2 years 9 weeks

I know it depends on the situation but overall I don't know if necessarily it's a good idea... I've been through this situation where my bf's ex is friends with his sister and I know it's none of my business to say anything to her. My bf is totally over her which is fine but what I find awkward is that the ex is still hanging out with his sister. Fair enough, my bf did hang out with his sister's ex for a while but I don't think they have such a close relationship... And now I find out that she's Facebook friends with his sister's crush... The impression it gives me is that she doesn't have that many close friends... And sometimes it makes me feel insecure that she seems like share more in common than I do with his sister... I don't know but somehow the situation bothers me...

justagirlintheworld 2 years 29 weeks

Butterdreams, in answer to "Could leaving with my ex-bf mom and dad work out?", please watch the new movie 'She's Out of My League'. Living with them could end up making him feel horribly awkward and out of place in his own home. The ex of the main character lives with his parents and drags her new boyfriend around with his family. I think that is inconsiderate of her and his parents, as it would be of you and your ex's parents. Not cool. My boyfriend of a year and a half now lives on the opposite side of the country from his parents and ex-girlfriend. They dated for about nine months, but about four of those months were [very] long distance. She is just now starting to get over him, although she's been through two boyfriends since their break-up. She hangs out with his parents on a regular basis and it bugs me. It's hard enough trying to form a strong bond with your bf's family when they're on the other side of the country, but when their relationship with the ex is always going to be stronger and more comfortable, there's a feeling of failure. I want them to know that I'm the one, but she can't seem to let that happen. Supposedly she continues to hang out with them because she doesn't have a very stong relationship with her own parents. She has a new boyfriend right now. I wish she would form a bond with HIS family, rather that hold onto the one she isn't a part of anymore.#6, "people that stick around after they get dumped by their ex's are called psycho-stalkers. being one of these is not a good idea for anyone. grow up and move on - there's more to life than being stuck in the past." That's what I think sometimes, but I tried to talk to her so that we can at least get along and not feel awkward with eachother and instead of speaking to me, she asked my boyfriend to ask me to not talk to her. I just wanted to get along and understand where she's coming from.

justagirlintheworld 2 years 29 weeks

Butterdreams, in answer to "Could leaving with my ex-bf mom and dad work out?", please watch the new movie 'She's Out of My League'. Living with them could end up making him feel horribly awkward and out of place in his own home. The ex of the main character lives with his parents and drags her new boyfriend around with his family. I think that is inconsiderate of her and his parents, as it would be of you and your ex's parents. Not cool. My boyfriend of a year and a half now lives on the opposite side of the country from his parents and ex-girlfriend. They dated for about nine months, but about four of those months were [very] long distance. She is just now starting to get over him, although she's been through two boyfriends since their break-up. She hangs out with his parents on a regular basis and it bugs me. It's hard enough trying to form a strong bond with your bf's family when they're on the other side of the country, but when their relationship with the ex is always going to be stronger and more comfortable, there's a feeling of failure. I want them to know that I'm the one, but she can't seem to let that happen. Supposedly she continues to hang out with them because she doesn't have a very stong relationship with her own parents. She has a new boyfriend right now. I wish she would form a bond with HIS family, rather that hold onto the one she isn't a part of anymore. #6, "people that stick around after they get dumped by their ex's are called psycho-stalkers. being one of these is not a good idea for anyone. grow up and move on - there's more to life than being stuck in the past." That's what I think sometimes, but I tried to talk to her so that we can at least get along and not feel awkward with eachother and instead of speaking to me, she asked my boyfriend to ask me to not talk to her. I just wanted to get along and understand where she's coming from.

3 years 28 weeks

I'm going trough a tough situtaion.... My ex-bf and I still speak to each other and his family is still really close with me specially his mother, ever since my ex and I have broken up we no longer see each other or ask each other out we just e-mail or text each other on regular basis while his mother insist in keeping in contact by going out to dinner and being friends I honestly don't feel like that is such a bad idea I used to think it was crazy and psychotic to even keep in touch but why not, her son and I still speak and are in good terms plus his son is great friends with my sister and my family loves him very much. The thing that I'm confused about is that his mom has asked move in to her home to rent one of the rooms and he along with my family see nothing wrong with it and I kind do I guess it will be awkward but I kind of like the idea and everyone in exception for my girlfriends are fine with it. Question - Could leaving with my ex-bf mom and dad work out?

3 years 33 weeks

Bad Idea - I'm in the same boat as Ananymous....The fact that my family hasn't moved on in the 11 years I divorced my ex has caused me to distance myself from any activities where he will be invited. I no longer question their loyalties or priorities....I know what side they rest on. I truly believe he hasn't moved on even though he drags his current, live in girlfriend to MY family functions. I know what's wrong with him....what the heck is wrong with her??????

3 years 40 weeks

I am also dealing with the same thing right now! My ex hangs out with my sisters, talks to mom, and hangs out with my best friend and her husband. It leaves no room for my friends and family to form a relationship with my current fiance! They have to choose who they are going to invite to get-togethers, and my fiance and I usually get left out so that my ex won't be uncomfortable...This is causing me to be distant from my family and friends and question their loyalty and priorities. I believe that if you remain close friends with your ex's family, then you haven't truly moved on, and are still holding on to some kind of hope. When you have a final breakup you have to close that chapter of your life and move on! When you break up with someone, you break up with the family (and any friends you did not have prior to the relationship) too! I'm not saying that if you see the ex (or the ex sees the family) in public that you should not be cordial, I just don't think it's necessary to call them up to talk all the time, or get together to hang out, etc...

3 years 44 weeks

"people that stick around after they get dumped by their ex's are called psycho-stalkers. being one of these is not a good idea for anyone. grow up and move on - there's more to life than being stuck in the past." WOW I couldn't have said it better myself! :-) Dealing with one now... not fun! Just had to make sure I wasn't crazy and being a total bitch. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way...

melda 5 years 40 weeks

i think it depends but also its bad idea even stupid

SexyNeverLeft78 5 years 44 weeks

It's both IMO. It is too close for comfort but the ex really should have anything to do if you remain friends with his family. Sometimes you develop close relationships that shouldn't end just because your relationship did. The only thing is not everyone is cool with that, so remember that when the next one comes around.

halakahiki82 5 years 48 weeks

such a bad idea.my hs bf and i were together 4 years, and i kept moderately in touch with him mom -- after he followed me out to the east coast from the midwest. she got really really sick, and he never went back to visit, really. so i'd visit when i'd see my family over the holidays, but in the end, it was too much to deal with and i didn't feel like putting myself in the middle.i did feel a bit guilty for a while, but that passed. it wasn't my problem. and, it's been so long now that if i were to drop by or whatever, it would be entirely too awkward.so.not.worth.it.

halakahiki82 5 years 48 weeks

such a bad idea. my hs bf and i were together 4 years, and i kept moderately in touch with him mom -- after he followed me out to the east coast from the midwest. she got really really sick, and he never went back to visit, really. so i'd visit when i'd see my family over the holidays, but in the end, it was too much to deal with and i didn't feel like putting myself in the middle. i did feel a bit guilty for a while, but that passed. it wasn't my problem. and, it's been so long now that if i were to drop by or whatever, it would be entirely too awkward. so.not.worth.it.

moosie 5 years 48 weeks

i think it's fine to stay friendly with them, but when you go out of your way to hang out with them is just a big no no.

Cher412 5 years 48 weeks

Sadly, there was always a communication gap between my exes parents and I ... so we never really did communicate much past, "Hi. How are you?" But then again, my exes really weren't worth the trouble of getting to know their families. haha

rlveronica 5 years 48 weeks

I guess it depends on the relationship. I've stayed friends with some of my exes & their families and it's worked out just fine. :)

ninjastarlett 5 years 48 weeks

Depends... but in general, bad because it's probably not going to work.

CatarinaBella521 5 years 48 weeks

In my situation it was better to just cut all ties...if we pass on the street we have a nice conversation, but we don't make plans to go out for lunch or whatever, we've all moved on

Pinkgirl88 5 years 48 weeks

it depends... peoples feelings must be taken into consideration

kins 5 years 48 weeks

sigh...sometimes i think i miss my ex's family more than i miss him

popgoestheworld 5 years 48 weeks

Like many others, I think it depends on how long you were together and how bad the break up was. And no, not everyone who remains friends with their ex's family is a psycho stalker. People who are adults in long term relationships often get close with other family members. To me, it's a sign of graciousness and maturity that Jen Aniston and Brad's mom still get together. They clearly formed a bond and it's wonderful that they still cherish it.

popgoestheworld 5 years 48 weeks

loveli1 5 years 48 weeks

Think about How Angelina probably feels about Jennifer Anniston hanging out with the pitts lol. If the guy finds a new girlfriend its hard for the family to accept her because they are so used to you

viridiana 5 years 48 weeks

It's a bad idea. I dated a guy for 8 years, and became really close to his whole family, but specially his sister who, by the time I met her, was just 13 years. We broke up almost two years ago, and he got married to another girl and left to live abroad. This summer his sister is getting married and she asked me to go to her wedding. Obviously I politely refused to go, because its a family moment, and I wont feel O.K. at the ceremony with my ex and his wife. I have been in touch with the family by phone, and I 'm still e - mailing with his sister, but haven't been that close. At the beginning it just hurt my feelings to speak to someone who is naturally attached to some one that used to be very important to me, and now that I have a new relationship with a great guy it's time for me to make closures and build a new life also with my family's boyfriend. I will always care for my ex boyfriend family but it would never feel the same.

JustMe21 5 years 48 weeks

Bad idea. A good friend of mine got a divorce and she still hung out and called her ex's mom. That caused major issues with him and his new wife so they cut ties with each other.

MiyabiNa 5 years 48 weeks

I don't think it's a great idea because to the son or daughter of the parents the ex is staying friends with, to me it would seem very invasive in their lives. Like...if my ex was still hanging with my parents and coming around to visit, I would feel like they're somewhat being nosey and spying on my life~ seeing who I was hanging out with or dating...and if he was ever "visiting" when I brough a bf home, how awkard would that situation be?!??! I just say it's a big no-no! Too troublesome and awkward.

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