Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

September 4, 2007

The debate continues: can guys and girls just be friends? So far, the votes are split evenly down the middle. With 50% of you saying no, men and women can't be friends, it got me thinking about friends with benefits. I have a pretty strong point of view on this topic but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to mess around with someone you only consider a "friend?"

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44 Comments

2 years 8 weeks

I had a friends with benefits partner for about 3 years he was a friend and a drunken night one thing led to another and it continued for 2 years until i found out i was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with it. I then miscarried two weeks after telling him and he never so much as asked how i was doing? what happened nothing? so he lost a lot of my respect. We didn't talk then for seven months continously getting into fights when we seen each other, another drunken night and we ended up having sex this continued for about 5months and then the fighting continued don't think i could ever forgive him and now we don't talk at all and havent for about 7 months. Friends with benefits is a messy situation to get yourself into

3 years 7 weeks

Well, I've got a friend with benefits and it's working out just fine. Of course, there are a couple of things that aid this... like the fact that we actually live in different cities and we only see each other a couple of times a year. He only calls me when he gets into town, and then I make time to see him, leaving room for more involved activities if we're in the mood. That's it. Neither of us is interested in a relationship (least of all with each other), but we both love sex... so it's great. No romance, no complications, no jealousy. We can actually discuss the other people we're seeing/hoping to see without any jealousy involved. We have crazy fun when we're together and the sex just adds another layer of fun to the mix.

3 years 15 weeks

I have a fwb and it is working out great but that is because he was stright foward on what he wanted from the very start he didnt try to sweet talk me to sleep with me he was clear on what he wanted i know it would be different if one of us had feelings for the another but I see him strickly as a sex buddy and he sees me as the same and the sex is amazing! I mean amazing lol so i say yes it is good to have a fwb (espically if you dont want to be in a relationship but enjoy sex) as long as you know what you want from the start, dont get emotionally attached and if you do feel yourself getting attached to stop asap! oh and another thing we were never and arent close friends were more hi/bye I could never do that with a close friend that you talk to on a daily basis you are more likely to fall for close friends

babysoftpink 4 years 30 weeks

I think FWB is easier done for those who can be emotionally detached themselves from sex and the person. The attitude should be: Sex is just sex period. Absolutely no other feelings. If you can do that you can protect yourself emotionally. But again, FWB could infect you with a deadly disease that could kill you and it would be for nothing. Because if you are infected with a deadly disease from a bf or a husband, at least you would have died for someone who you have loved at one pt in your life but it would have been completely meaningless for a FWB except for the "one" bad decision you made.

calli gurl 4 years 41 weeks

i think that it would totally effect the friendship and that it makes u kinda slutty. u really dont wanna be labelled as a person who goes around making out or sleeping, for that matter, with JUST anyone.

ur_momm 5 years 36 weeks

bad bad bad bad bad.

ur_momm 5 years 36 weeks

bad bad bad bad bad.

quietone84 5 years 37 weeks

I think it varies between people. I've done it a few times with success and it helped me to not settle for somebody I wasn't compatible with just because I needed the sex/affection.

pinktulips 5 years 37 weeks

I had one at one point and he just got hurt...course I was kind of using him for some other reasons....but I am older now..and dont think I could do it...

scoop45 5 years 37 weeks

Someone will get hurt before its all over with!! Seems harmless Lol

marthalilian126 5 years 37 weeks

DANGER! That is my personal opinion of the friends-with-benefits situation. I have never seen it work out well and I have seen it crash and burn from many different vantage points. I know that I have been hurt when I grew too attached and I know that I have hurt others. Also, once you add the benefits in, the whole friendship dynamic changes, whether you want to admit it or not. It is a slippery slope and one that I would like to stay as far away from as possible.

pink_magnetism 5 years 37 weeks

If your both on the same page and aren't wanting anything more then sure. The danger is if one of you starts developing feelings for the other or wanting it to be something more than it is.

geekygirl 5 years 37 weeks

i'm with ninjastarlett - staying on the same page is the key. i've had one fwb and it worked out well, we were somewhat friendly, got drunk and slept together and kind of casually kept it up for a while (just every couple of weeks). he's eight years younger than me so i knew he probably wasn't into going steady and he knew i was just after fun. still good mates, just stopped having sex after a while and now i've got a steady bf (who's one of his good mates actually) and he's seeing a girl. worked out fine, just don't go trying to find love when it's just sex/companionship.

ninjastarlett 5 years 37 weeks

The problem isn't BEING on the same page, it's STAYING on the same page. I think it works on an extremely temporary basis and must be completely mutual... which is rare. =\

cravinsugar 5 years 37 weeks

I am against it. I have not tried, it, but my beliefs contradict this whole idea.

Tnkrbelli 5 years 37 weeks

I say that if you are with a person who is on the same page and you both don't want it to get too serious than why not? I personally am a hopeless romantic and don't like surface relationships, but some of my friends love these types of relays.

talrocks 5 years 37 weeks

bad idea!

talrocks 5 years 37 weeks

bad idea!

kiddylnd 5 years 37 weeks

Hmmm...not for me, and I think that in the long run folks will get hurt. Not now, but maybe later on down the line. Just to throw this out there - Friends with Benefits can happen between MEN & MEN and WOMEN & WOMEN. I've had many female friends who thought that it wasn't as big a deal to have a tryst with another girlfriend because they thought that it didn't count and that they wouldn't get hurt. It seemed that got a LOT more complicated than they ever dreamed it would!

kiddylnd 5 years 37 weeks

Hmmm...not for me, and I think that in the long run folks will get hurt. Not now, but maybe later on down the line.Just to throw this out there - Friends with Benefits can happen between MEN & MEN and WOMEN & WOMEN. I've had many female friends who thought that it wasn't as big a deal to have a tryst with another girlfriend because they thought that it didn't count and that they wouldn't get hurt. It seemed that got a LOT more complicated than they ever dreamed it would!

designerel 5 years 37 weeks

it CAN work if you communicate beforehand your intentions and remain emotionally unattached. however, once feelings come into play, it's not such a good idea anymore unless you/the FWB is strong enough to endure the hurt that may come.

d_ford 5 years 37 weeks

It can definitely work if both people are on the same page. I've had a few of them, and it definitely can work. Definitely don't want it to be someone who you are really close with because it can go horribly wrong, but it you are both single and not wanting commitment, then go for it.

d_ford 5 years 37 weeks

SugarCat 5 years 37 weeks

Bad idea - had my first ever real experience with this over the spring, and I have to say, I think that as people get older it gets a lot harder to do something like this. Some have different priorities in life and yeah, just using my vibrator would have saved me a lot of trouble!

FiestyRed36 5 years 37 weeks

I think the general concept of a friend with benefits is great. But in my experience, one person ends up getting attached or feelings get involved and then it becomes more than just sex. And then, it would have just been easier to keep using my vibrator. LoL

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