Good Idea or Bad Idea: Fibbing About Money

March 20, 2007

I just listened to an NPR piece about money and marriage, and the ways in which couples either lie or omit details about how they spend and what they spend it on. Even when couples set aside separate funds for personal spending, it seems many people still feel defensive or uncomfortable about how they choose to use those funds.

What do you think? Is it okay to tell little white lies or medium-sized white lies about how you spend your money? Do you? Is it a good idea or a bad idea in your book?

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15 Comments

popgoestheworld 6 years 8 weeks

I think that whether or not you share an account would depend on a lot of different factors. For example, my boyfriend runs his own business, and if anything bad ever happened to the business, it could put our finances in jeopardy. So we would keep our assets separate to protect both of us in that event. Also, I have had my money invested for several years in certain accounts that I chose and like, and he has his money invested elsewhere. Quite frankly, I feel like I'd be too lazy to go through the paperwork and the tax ramifications of trying to move it all around! That said, I like the idea of a shared account that we run the household with to give us a sense of financial togetherness.

aebeull 6 years 8 weeks

Uh, ok #12, either you're not married or you're the one who didn't bring much money into the relationship. I've had three serious relationships and always talked freely about my financial situation (which is quite secure) I guess bc I was too naive to know any better and also not clever enough to lie well. And guess what? every one of them wanted money from me and were so insulted that I was not entirely eager to share (I did share some - turned out very badly in each case). I'll never share an account. With anyone. Ever. If you want to be with me, deal with it. IMO couples who share are just asking for quibbles, bc there is no way you are always going to approve of your partner's spending.

jahnut 6 years 8 weeks

I think if I were to have a joint bank account with someone then I wouldn't tell even the smallest lies about what I've bought and how much it cost. It seems like a silly thing to do when they can just have a quick look and check. However, I frequently knock a few pounds off the price of something when I bring it back home and my boyfriend asks how much it cost. I'll put that down to being a student who doesn't really have the money to be spending on things, even if it was only £5 to start with.

andaman 6 years 8 weeks

I also think married couples with separate bank accounts are quite strange too. I think you share the life, you build a secure future together, you want to grow old together, why keep your money separate? You can have your own identity without a separate bank account if you ask me.

andaman 6 years 8 weeks

I have the same bank account with my hubby. He knows what I spend (like wise). We share the same attitude towards money. I would say we are quite sensible. I think it's very strange that some married couples have secret bank accounts. Where is the trust?

mandiesoh 6 years 8 weeks

if they are seperate funds then what's the problem?? fibbing is always bad, it has a way of turning around and biting you in the azz! LOL

SeptemberLights 6 years 9 weeks

well, lets just say i have a shopping problem. i know its bad, but i always tell my boyfriend i got something 'on sale' and throw out the recipts before i get home. luckily we have seperate accounts so he will never know....mwa ha ha

CGW 6 years 9 weeks

I feel like when it comes to money, the truth will come out eventually anyway.

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

I'm not a fan of lying in general for obvious reasons, and those reasons extend to lying about money. Besides all the obvious trust issues, you can get into financial trouble by bouncing checks or increasing debt.

DearSugar 6 years 9 weeks

And then I forgot to link. Grrr. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6870929

DearSugar 6 years 9 weeks

Here it is, Beachy. I've had it bookmarked since Jan 16 . . . I'm so behind with everything!!!

BeachyAthlete 6 years 9 weeks

Can you post a link to the story so that we can all hear it?

Marci 6 years 9 weeks

Any kind of lying, no matter how small, can cause problems in a relationship - so I vote against it under any circumstances. That being said, I sure understand the temptation to lie about what is spent sometimes. There's something about finances that make us feel exposed on some weird level, even with our partner.

Trixie6 6 years 9 weeks

Bad, bad, bad idea. From personal experience, I can say that even little white lies about money can be relationship killers. Money is such a huge issue that I think that you have to have total honesty about it.

MuppetsForDinner 6 years 9 weeks

I think this comes down to HOW much money you're spending and HOW much money you have. If you lie about buying an extra cup of coffee it is certainly different than buying $500 boots. This is especially true when the couple has a joint account; I'd seriously question a relationship where a person freely spends the another person's money on expensive and frivolous items. But that's just my take.

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