Good Idea or Bad Idea: Abstaining from Sex Before your Wedding Day

June 5, 2007

While some brides walk down the aisle in their white dress in the literal sense, others have been engaging in premarital sex long before their big day. To make their wedding night special, some couples choose to abstain from sex in the weeks, sometimes even months leading up to their wedding. What's your opinion; do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to put on the breaks in the bedroom in order to make your wedding night special?

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52 Comments

2 years 30 weeks

women have lost all sense of dignity...self-worth...a real man does not respect a woman who gives it away outside of marriage...he just wants sex...and he'll tire of you one day

2 years 32 weeks

I have been engaged for about three weeks now. My fiance have been together for about a year, and have a great sex life. However, I googled "abstaining from sex before wedding" because I thought it would be cool to spice things up a bit before the honeymoon. Anticipation can be very sexy! We aren't planning on getting hitched for another two years. I think a month or so of delayed gratification will make the night extra special--especially since I already know what I have to look forward to! :D That's just my take on it.

3 years 4 weeks

Long time lurker, thought I would say hello! I really dont post much but thanks for the good times I have here. Love this place..

3 years 7 weeks

hi all I just thought it would be good to introduce myself to everyone! Can't wait to start some good conversations! -Marshall Thanks again!

la ragazza piccola 3 years 14 weeks

I think that it is a wounderful idea to wait:)

lyssa23 3 years 14 weeks

I am actually three months in the abstinence game. I told my fiance 3 months ago after our break that I didn't want to have sex till marriage. It ghas been rough for him as he alwayys makes comments and sorta makes me feel guilty like I am doing something wrong. But for me its easy as pie...I guess because I am too busy taking care of our twins :)

3 years 16 weeks

I know that I might be a little late on this post, I think its rather interesting that women don't want to stop at least 2-3 months before there wedding night. I am getting married in may and we have stopped all sexual activity, we are soulmates so when you know this you will know that there is more to life then sex. Yes it does play a big role in your relationship but again there is more then just sex. Honestly speaking it sound like a lot of ppl who posted there comments are not even engaged or soon to be married, if you were you would know that arguments dont' just come from "not having sex" there are alot of other things to worry about really. just my opinion.

3 years 43 weeks

I've known my fiance for 2 years, 1 month. Since date 4 we have been sexually active..very very often...almost everytime we see eachother. We talk about it constantly..we are both sexual people. BUT now I have made the decision to stop having sex until our wedding night which is in 6 weeks. I just feel like our relationship is just too physically dependant. I feel a lack of as strong a mental and spritual connection. HE DOES NOT AGREE at all! In fact it has created alot of grief for me. I am questioning his true feelings for me. If he can not love me without the sex then he does not really love me. All I want is to be certain without any doubt that we are truly authentically in love with eacother, and that we can have a trully joyfull and happy marriage, as long as we both shall live. I have faith, I believe God has given this test for a reason. I believe had we not had sex so early on in our relationship none of this would be an issue. I think everyone should abstain from sex as long as possible...first know without any doubt that you are both, mentally, spiritually, emotionally connected before you get physical. Good luck to you. God bless us all.

KathleenxCouture 4 years 51 weeks

Hahhaa my boyfriend and I can't go more than 2 days without having sex so this would be impossible for us to do BUT I may consider it because if 2 days can go by and then we have mindblowing wildly amazing sex then I can only imagine what 2 weeks would be like and then BAM haha

ThePerfectScore 5 years 42 weeks

I take a break for a month b4 the wedding... It's only 4 weeks... Plus he's not marrying me just for sex...and think of it this way... you don't open your christmas presents in july! you've gotta wait!

ninjastarlett 5 years 49 weeks

Maintaining virginity until the wedding has its perks, at least to those who believe in your spouse being your first and only. If this is what you're waiting for, just wait. =) But if you're already sexually active and put it on hold for the pre-wedding weeks or months.... BAD IDEA. Like the whole circus of wedding-planning isn't stressful enough without you losing your best and favorite de-stressor!

jadenirvana 5 years 49 weeks

Hmm, I know it is very common to have sex before marriage, and for the most part I agree. I am just curious, in all contexts of a relationship, does the ideal modern marriage/relationship ever include any vestiges of mystery, dignity, grace, etc? It seems like these days couples move in together before marriage, have sex before marriage, tell each other everything (i dont mean open communication, i mean verbal diarrhea). A lot of couples pee in front of each other, etc. Maybe this is a different thread, but I am just curious if, sex aside, you girls think any kind of restraint or "saving it" concept is still valid in a modern post-SATC relationship? Do tell!

Community Manager 5 years 49 weeks

Hey Everyone, Make sure to stick to topic and not attack each other! thank you, team

Karla686 5 years 49 weeks

lickety split: i know what the post asked for, you dont have to remind me, all im saying is that the word you picked was harsh. i didnt say having sex was stupid because i dont believe that and i have respect for others. i was not taking a personal swipe at you because if i were you'd notice, im just discussing the responce you posted. i was calling "it" (the word you said: stupid) rude and disrespectful, not you. you dont have the right to call me rude or disrespectful because you dont know me, so save those allegations for someone else

Nicadema 5 years 49 weeks

Sparklinseahorse--thank you for reading my comment LOL. You are right. You have to do what is best for you for your own reasons. I also agree that no one should have sex until they are ready. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 21. It was MY choice, to take that step when I felt truly ready and was with someone who loved me. So Bravo to you my dear, for doing what is right for you. Of course, I didn't get married until I was 32! Staying a virgin that long would have killed me!

sass317 5 years 50 weeks

I think its entirely up to the couple. I have friends that waited until marriage, I have a friend that waited until she was with the guy she knew she would marry and lost her virginity to him when she was 24. I dont regret not being a virgin when I got married. Its all about personal choice. My mom wanted me to move back to my parents house for a few weeks before the wedding, but I didnt see the point- trying to do that would have just made things more stressful- and we didnt abstain for any length of time before the wedding, and we did actually have sex on our wedding night and it was amazing and special bc it was our first time as husband and wife.

pink_magnetism 5 years 50 weeks

It's a personal choice , but is there really a point to stopping for weeks or months leading up to the wedding when you've already been having sex? I can understand wanting to build some anticipation, but then there's the possibility that by doing that, when your finally get to it after the wedding, the expectations are too high since you're both tired.

lickety split 5 years 50 weeks

karla686, "rude and disrespectful" to who? you because you have a different point of view? the post asked for our individual opinions on the question. that means i was on topic and you were taking a personal swipe at me; making YOU rude and disrespectful.

rubialala 5 years 50 weeks

I think it's a good idea to stay a virgin until your wedding night. I didn't and I regret it. But if you have had sex and are currently having sex with your fiancee, what's the point of stopping until the wedding? It will help you relieve a lot of wedding stress until the big day comes!

Karma-Co 5 years 50 weeks

I think its every1's personal choice... To each his own :)

SparklinSeahorSe 5 years 50 weeks

nicadema i read your comment! :) i totally agree with you. i think it women want to be abstinent for their own personal morals, that's totally fine. and if a woman wants to be sexually open, that's totally fine too. but it should be her own choice what she does and not what her old-school relatives tells her. i personally am 19 and am still a virgin and haven't done anything besides kissing a boy. personally i just don't want to go through the stress of having casual sex. sure, i've thought about it, but it just doesn't feel right for me. i'm not planning on being a virgin until i'm married - just until i find a guy who i have a serious relationship with and i will be comfortable with. to each her own!

chancleta 5 years 50 weeks

pinup: LOL true true!

chancleta 5 years 50 weeks

a couple weeks...ok? more than that is like torture

Debbie Dee 5 years 50 weeks

wow...the responses are actually kinda surprising....i was thinking of doing a post just like this, so i'm glad i got the feedback i was looking for...

Nicadema 5 years 50 weeks

Look. Historically and traditionally--the practice of coming into a marriage with the woman a virgin was only about the guy being sure that he was getting a disease free woman not pregnant with another man's child. If a woman had sex before marriage then, she was considered trash and "ruined". Women were chattel, a possession the husband OWNED. In the beginning of the last century (not too long ago!) when women were fighting for the right to vote, they didn't even have rights regarding their own children. If they left their husbands, they would possibly never see their children again. I understand people wanting to abstain, or come into a marriage a virgin, but at least analyze for yourself why you are doing it. Don't buy the old rhetoric and tradition line. In just the last 100 years women been finally able to stand their ground, defy the old patriarchal traditions and live life on their terms. The sexual revolution happened for a reason. Of course, no one ever reads my comments any way--so I'll be shocked if anyone reads this. It's why I rarely bother.

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