26 Awkwardly Unsexy Stock Photos

One of the best and worst things about writing for a love and sex site is the constant need for sexy stock photos. If you happen to glimpse at our screens while we're choosing photos, you'd think we were really into awkward softcore porn. Most of the photos leave something to be desired on the hotness scale, but some are downright hilarious, perplexing, or disturbing. Regardless, they deserve to be shared; here are 26 of the weirdest sex photos we've found.

01
Sad Socks
Pexels

Sad Socks

So much to unpack here. Why is she wearing athletic socks? Why is the kitchen so empty? Is she sad because she's moving? Why isn't there any coffee in her mug? And how am I supposed to find the sexiness in a photo with so many unanswered questions?

02
Oh, Just Your Typical Threesome in a Barn
Corbis Images

Oh, Just Your Typical Threesome in a Barn

They look overdressed for this setting. Also, should they be smoking in there?

03
You Can Never Have Too Many Sex Toys
Shutterstock

You Can Never Have Too Many Sex Toys

However, you probably don't need to use them all at once.

04
Do Not Try This at Home
Corbis Images

Do Not Try This at Home

Even the thriftiest among us should not wash and reuse condoms.

05
This Guy Will Bang Anything That Moves, or Doesn't
Corbis Images

This Guy Will Bang Anything That Moves, or Doesn't

I get it: dudes make stupid jokes like pretending to have sex with a mural. But why would I ever need a stock photo of that?

06
Keeping the Magic Alive
Corbis Images

Keeping the Magic Alive

I'm glad that this couple is still intimate after all these years, but if they want to incorporate whipped cream into their lovemaking, I don't want to know about it.

08
More Like "Cock-y Machine," Am I Right?!
Corbis Images

More Like "Cock-y Machine," Am I Right?!

That joke might get me reported to HR, and the behavior featured in this photo definitely would.

09
Um.
Corbis Images

Um.

This is what happens when you get your role-playing accessories from a high school drama prop department.

10
Threesomes With Scarves
Corbis Images

Threesomes With Scarves

Anytime there are multiple pastel scarves hanging above the bed, you know it's about to get nasty.

11
All I Need Is This Blowup Doll
Corbis Images

All I Need Is This Blowup Doll

Never mind that this guy is stranded in the desert without a shirt or shoes; he simply MUST get that blowup doll inflated!

12
Love Is Like an Open Book
Corbis Images

Love Is Like an Open Book

On a roof, I guess?

13
Floral Slipper Love
Shutterstock

Floral Slipper Love

He can keep his hat on as long as she can keep wearing her house shoes.

14
I Think You're Doing It Wrong
Shutterstock

I Think You're Doing It Wrong

This is one of the most puzzling uses of furry handcuffs I've ever seen. Also, very unsafe in the case of a fire.

15
Because Easter Is Such a Sexy Holiday
Shutterstock

Because Easter Is Such a Sexy Holiday

Seriously, I'm not even religious and this disturbs me. The carrot is a subtle touch.

16
Like "Laying the Pipe," Only More Perilous
Shutterstock

Like "Laying the Pipe," Only More Perilous

"Hey baby, let me lay you down on a makeshift log bridge." (In what appears to be an urban setting?)

17
Pan-Sexual (Get It?)
Shutterstock

Pan-Sexual (Get It?)

Are they fighting or about to make love?

18
This Strawberry Really Hits the Spot
Shutterstock

This Strawberry Really Hits the Spot

There's just something about fruit that really turns a lady on, you know?

19
Do You Have the Key? I Thought You Had It!
Shutterstock

Do You Have the Key? I Thought You Had It!

Let's hope someone helps them out.

20
All Keyed Up
Shutterstock

All Keyed Up

This seems like an awkward way to play an instrument.

21
Spring Cleaning?
Shutterstock

Spring Cleaning?

We were color-coordinating his button-downs and one thing just led to another . . .

22
Doll Face
Shutterstock

Doll Face

Not suitable for children.

23
D*ck Fingers
Shutterstock

D*ck Fingers

Those actually go on . . . oh, never mind.

24
Online Dating
Shutterstock

Online Dating

In the not-too-distant future.

25
How Do You Like THEM Cupcakes?
Shutterstock

How Do You Like THEM Cupcakes?

Boobs or cupcakes? Boobs AND cupcakes.

26
Sometimes You Just Gotta Do a Sexy Field Dance
Shutterstock

Sometimes You Just Gotta Do a Sexy Field Dance

In a skirt.