Friend Keeps Talking About Boyfriend

"How Can I Get My Friend to Stop Talking About Her Boyfriend?"

December 23, 2012

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have this friend — she's great and we help each other a lot and hang out together. The only problem with her is that she keeps talking about her boyfriend at every little opportunity. I'm annoyed because any little chit chat or serious discussion ends up being about him. I'm going through relationship problems myself right now, so her stories are annoying me even more. She's sensitive, so I don't know how to tackle this. What do you think?

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4 Comments

henna red 25 weeks

Look, you have an issue with a friend. You don't want to talk about your issue with your friend....with your friend. The only way to solve problems is to actively deal with them. The only way to develop appropriate or acceptable boundaries, is to let people know what your boundary is, and then enforce it....either verbally, or by physically removing yourself from the unworkable situation. The two of you obviously have a very different set of boundaries....she overshares....you let her. I'll bet she feels closer to you than you do to her. She isn't going to stop. You say she is a good fellow and you help each other....but your reply her sounds like you help her, and she relys on that, and you are the place where she dumps her emotional baggage. The only one who can make that change is you. Give Donna's suggestion a try....don't respond. But I suspect that it will more likely upset her, or make her angry....because you will be changing your behavior, your response to her which is something she depends on, without telling her why. Great relationships are balanced. There is give and take. When one person does all of the taking, and another all of the giving and is afraid to address an issues, there is not a good balance in the relationship. If you want to keep this friend in your life, be a good friend to her by teaching her what a good friend is. Or at least that you also have needs, and not to just be the place she comes to when she can't deal with her boyfriend. Ultimately, I would say, that if you can't happily fullfill this role in her life, and the if you don't want to be closer to her, and have that share and share alike kind of connection, then the best thing you can do, is to maintain a little distance. Whatever you choose to do, if you want something to change, you are going to have to the agent of change....because she is getting what she needs here, and you are not. You are not happy, so you are the one who must make a change. good luck

Donna Freundt 25 weeks

That's a bit rude of her to just ignore your problems and start talking about herself even more. Real friends (good ones), hear your pain and try to help you as much as they can. To me it sounds like you two aren't the greatest of friends anyhow. When she talks about her boyfriend I would try doing what she does. Just go really quiet after she stops talking and then change the subject. Maybe she will get the picture that you aren't interested in discussing him anymore. Sometimes being subtle works. I mean if you just flat out refuse to comment on what she has said about him anymore, she probably will get it.

iti1991 25 weeks

I agree but I don't want to talk to her about my relationship problems because she is not that close and it is not that she keeps talking because it is a new relationship.Whatever happens,she fights with him or hangs out somewhere, she relays.And even if I try to say something about my problems she starts talking about her issues with more enthu.

henna red 25 weeks

Be honest. Tell her how you feel, gently. And then ask for some equal time. She's happy, and she's doing that thing we all do when we fall for someone.....be happy for her, but let her know that you are hurting from your relationship difficulties, and see how supportive she can be. After all, if you don't tell her there's a problem, the problem will never be addressed. You might want to try steering the conversation, but it's my experience that we're all pretty deaf, dumb, and blind when we're in that initial hormonal euphoria. Personaly, I think this is one of those things that friends just have to suck up.....it eventually evens out, balances. I think your best bet is to distract her with your troubles, and to actively seek emotional support....give her something else to talk about...you. And remember, at some point, either in this relationship or in another, you will be in her shoes.....wanting to constantly dwell on your guy. Also, girl, I'd like to suggest that you talk to a relationship counselor to help you and your guy deal with your issues. If you're serious about fixing whatever is wrong, then be active about the issue. good luck, good friends are one of the most valuable things you will ever have in your life. Don't sabotage your friendship because your friend isn't seeing your unhappiness....just point out your unhappiness, and let her be a good friend.

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4 Comments