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First Dates

Dear Sugar
I went on a date Sunday afternoon with a great guy. We went to the beach and then back to his place to eat dinner and watch a movie. We kissed a bit and then he drove me home.

I called him today and left a message thanking him for our lovely date. He called me back and told me that he had a good time, but that he doesn't see us as a couple and that I should date other men.

When we got off of the phone, I felt horrible because I thought we totally clicked! I'm not sure if he wants to go on more dates with me because he did say that I am welcome to go swimming at his building anytime.

I am so confused. I really thought he was into me but I guess I was wrong and it hurts. Am I getting attached too quickly? We only went on 1 date but I am terribly disappointed. Let Down Lila

Dear Let Down Lila
Don't be so hard on yourself - show yourself some compassion. It could have been a number of things that made him feel that you are incompatible. How was your kissing session? Was it passionate or G-rated and so so?

Maybe he's not looking for something serious and he could sense that you are. That was nice of him to offer his pool to you, although a rather awkward gesture since he doesn't seem to want to go out with you again. I advise you not to go over there. It'll just pester him and make you look like somewhat of a desperado stalker.

Try and remember that not every date is going to be a mutual love connection. Don't let 1 bad experience affect your self confidence. You've got lots of fabulous qualities, and just because he didn't recognize them, it doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there who will.

Here are some dating tips to think about the next time you are out on a first date:

  • Increase connection by focusing on conversation where you can explore each others backgrounds and interests. Also, don't forget to balance talking and listening.
  • Compliment your date, but don't over do it - A simple, "you look nice tonight" will suffice.
  • Be yourself, upbeat and positive. Instead of worrying about being nervous, relax and allow conversation to flow naturally. At the same time, avoid awkward debate topics and leave you past behind you. You don't need to reveal all of your skeletons at once. Remember, relationships are like onions. In time you will learn about each layer of another person.
  • Try not to act needy. That can be an instant turn-off.
  • Lastly and most importantly is honesty. Be upfront about your feelings and your intentions. You will know by the end of the date if you'd like to go out again. There's no need to say that you'll call if you won't and why hide it if you had a great time? Everyone likes to know where they stand.
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