Financial Problems in Relationships

Do You Fight About Money With Your Significant Other?

April 15, 2010

Happy tax day! Many of us have money on the brain today, but hopefully finances haven't prompted too much trouble in your relationship this year. SavvySugar has tons of tips for striking a balance between you, your honey, and your money, which include: tracking spending together while maintaining some independence, saving for the future, and being honest about your purchases.

In an ideal world, we wouldn't ever fight about money, but as relationships grow and unexpected financial challenges come our way it's hard to avoid stressful situations. Does money cause conflict in your relationship?

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22 Comments

2 years 33 weeks

I feel he spends and spends and spends... although he makes more money then me (not for long) I still think its the mans job to provide for his family. call me old fashioned, but when was the last time he did the dishes or cleaned the bathroom or for god sakes put a load of laundry in. I am feeling very used in my relationship and I really wish he would help stick to a budget for once. I just get frustrated when we are down to our last ten dollars so I go without lunch and he goes out buys a pack of cigarettes, a drink, and wendis. There goes that somewhat safety net so we wont overdraft. Stuff didn't work out the way I need it to and here come the fees!

3 years 4 weeks

Money and fighting over money is always a problem for us. My husband just spends spends and I scream and scream. Maybe I should look for a boyfriend on the side because my lazy idiot of a husand isnt man enough to take care of his wife!

RoaringSilence 3 years 5 weeks

It's the thing we have arguments about the most. And even if we don't fight, there's often one of us that's not happy. We come from very different families, and have extremely different views on things like savings accounts.

RoaringSilence 3 years 5 weeks

chequettex 3 years 5 weeks

When we first got married and combined our bank accounts, we had a little more money (yay for generous wedding gifts and steady work!) and coupld generally spend as we pleased. After the nest egg ran out and we didn't have such well-paying jobs anymore, money was tight and we disagreed about how to spend it. When we realized that our money was going to run out SOON if we didn't start planning better, we started trying to budget. At first we fought a lot about how to budget things - he wanted to put cash $$$ in envelopes for different categories for each month, but I couldn't understand why the "beer envelope" was so much fatter than the one for my shopping for personal items and clothes, especially since I made more money than he did. Eventually we settled on a system where we each pay our share of the monthly expenses from the money we earn individually, and the surplus is saved and/or spent as each of us sees fit. (We also each do our own laundry, ha ha!) We haven't argued about money since we started this system. Of course, we also don't have a lot of expenses - we rent a place smaller than most married couples would, we have no car (we use public transport and bikes) no TV (no cable bill) no decent furniture (not even a real couch) and no credit cards. Our only debt is his student loan which we are paying down every month. But the more "stuff" we cut out of our lives, the happier we are together.

chequettex 3 years 5 weeks

When we first got married and combined our bank accounts, we had a little more money (yay for generous wedding gifts and steady work!) and coupld generally spend as we pleased. After the nest egg ran out and we didn't have such well-paying jobs anymore, money was tight and we disagreed about how to spend it.When we realized that our money was going to run out SOON if we didn't start planning better, we started trying to budget. At first we fought a lot about how to budget things - he wanted to put cash $$$ in envelopes for different categories for each month, but I couldn't understand why the "beer envelope" was so much fatter than the one for my shopping for personal items and clothes, especially since I made more money than he did.Eventually we settled on a system where we each pay our share of the monthly expenses from the money we earn individually, and the surplus is saved and/or spent as each of us sees fit. (We also each do our own laundry, ha ha!)We haven't argued about money since we started this system. Of course, we also don't have a lot of expenses - we rent a place smaller than most married couples would, we have no car (we use public transport and bikes) no TV (no cable bill) no decent furniture (not even a real couch) and no credit cards. Our only debt is his student loan which we are paying down every month. But the more "stuff" we cut out of our lives, the happier we are together.

rossy 3 years 5 weeks

I also needed a middle option - I'm not in a relationship. I fight MYSELF over money issues! Bringing another person into the mix would just be mean. lol

3 years 5 weeks

we were just joking bout this the other day, we don't fight about money (we're 1. not very materialistic people and 2. quite lucky not to have to worry given the balance between our needs and incomes), but we bicker about energy saving, both on an individual basis (effort, personal stress reduction is worth something!), and environmentally. We have our first baby coming and are still thinking: ok: a microwave to sterilise bottles etc is handy, but can we do without? what's the environmental impact not just for our energy bills, but production costs and landfill... same goes for a dryer, reusable/disposable nappies etc... Is this the modern version?

boredgourdless 3 years 5 weeks

I think the problems that my husband and I have run into with money is that it's hard to go from taking care of yourself, and having your own savings/spending ideology to blending your economy with another. Plus, when money gets tight, the stress can be brutal. I think the key (and I'm no expert) is to recognize where the stress is coming from, and not let a small money fight get out of control.

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Four SF4 sticks is definitely excessive. If he has friends over, they should have their own sticks! They're like $150 for a good one!

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Four SF4 sticks is definitely excessive. If he has friends over, they should have their own sticks! They're like $150 for a good one!

KadBunny 3 years 5 weeks

Lmao, that's true SKG. It's just that.. he's got like four now. :P But the last purchase he made was two for 30 pounds, which was a crazy good deal, so he was forgiven. ;)

tlsgirl 3 years 5 weeks

Um, sometimes. It doesn't cause constant tension in our relationship, but we occasionally squabble about it. I need a middle option. Mostly it's tough because we don't have a lot of it right now and I'm having trouble having finding a permanent job (please, Universe, no more lawyer temp work. I beg of you).

tlsgirl 3 years 5 weeks

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Kad, for the record? Street Fighter sticks are rare and worth the money.

kurniakasih 3 years 5 weeks

There were times when we got in a heated talk over money matter, but most of the time, it was just normal although definitely not a fun talk :) I consider balancing the budget to be work LOL.

GlowingMoon 3 years 5 weeks

Sometimes. However, by and large, we get along when it comes our finances. Most of the time, we are on the same page.

KadBunny 3 years 5 weeks

I'm not married nor do I even share a bank account with the boy, but I tend to yell at him for his inane purchases like a yelling Dalek or yet another Street Fighter fight stick.. :P But he helps his mom with the mortgage and groceries etc. so he totally deserves them. :)

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

Yeah, I totally agree with Skigurl. We don't fight about it, but let's be honest - when you are married money is something you talk about a lot. You have to decide what goes where. There is accountability for money spent. There is give and there is take. It's not always a fun conversation. But, a good marriage means you can work through these things.

spacekatgal 3 years 5 weeks

skigurl 3 years 5 weeks

i need a middle option: no it doesn't cause tension, and no we don't ever fight seriously about it BUT since we've moved in together there have been a few minor conversations which always end with "why are we fighting about money, this is so stupid" and we end it we're not hurting for cash, so we don't need to be tense...it will just be little things like "i really don't think you needed that _______" and then we will come to our senses and say to ourselves "why the heck do i care what he/she buys with his/her money?"

skigurl 3 years 5 weeks

i need a middle option: no it doesn't cause tension, and no we don't ever fight seriously about it BUT since we've moved in together there have been a few minor conversations which always end with "why are we fighting about money, this is so stupid" and we end itwe're not hurting for cash, so we don't need to be tense...it will just be little things like "i really don't think you needed that _______" and then we will come to our senses and say to ourselves "why the heck do i care what he/she buys with his/her money?"

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