It's one thing to overshare via Facebook, but arguing with your significant other so everyone can see takes things to a whole new, ugly, level.
People actually admit that they Facebook fight so friends can weigh in. It's like The Marriage Ref but, impossibly, worse. “A lot of people aren’t with us if we have a fight at home," Ashley Andrews says of her fiancé. This way, “All our friends can kind of comment on it.”
People aren't just doing it for input, though; they're doing it to protect reputations. Their own reputations. Ryan Stofer, an avowed Facebook fighter, admits public arguments with his ex-girlfriend were mere attempts to save face. "She’d be talking to her friends on Facebook about how bad a boyfriend I was," he said, "And I would be like, ‘No, I was decent.’ "
Psychologists say arguing on Facebook won't protect either person's image, much less the image of their relationship. Public arguments convey instability, volatility, and unhappiness. What is a joke to the couple may be a relationship falling apart to their friends. And because the support of friends and family has proven to sustain relationships over time, chipping away at its image one status update at a time erodes its private stability in the long run.
But does any couple who uses Facebook to send passive-aggressive messages stand a chance?
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Public arguments convey instability, volatility, and unhappiness ===> AGREE
i find it ridiculous when people air dirty laundry on facebook...and no i don't think a couple who does that is normal...but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't stand a chance...it just means they are equally socially awkward and dorky...maybe they're perfect for each other...but neither of them are ever going to be my significant other!!
this also stands true for people who are all lovey-dovey on facebook...um you don't need to do that..you see each other every day, you have email, you have texts, and you talk on the phone...why do i need to see your love poems? seriously
1I know a couple of people who do this, and UGH. It makes you look childish and makes others uncomfortable. Keep your dirty laundry to yourself, please. Oversharers on facebook are one of my major pet peeves. The only people worse than the fighters are the ones who leave intentionally vague "please feel sorry for me" messages. Shut. Up.
2I totally agree. Spacekatdude and I don't agree on everything, though our fights are very rare. It's very important to keep a united front, so we take care of these things privately.
People that try to drag other people into their drama make me crazy.
3I couldn't even fathom doing this. Not only is it childish but completely embarrassing for everyone involved. When it comes to the internet I think it's a good rule of thumb to never speak about work or relationships unless it's going to be in a positive light.
4this is so strange to me. it's never crossed my mind to have a public argument on facebook & no one on my facebook friends list does this. is it really that common?
5@zzleigh, I couldn't agree more.
My ex-husband and I kept our entire divorce off of facebook. There were days when I really wanted to rant about him and get some support from my friends...so I picked up the phone. We're still polite and kind to each other both online (because neither of us want to be seen as aggressive or unstable) and off (because we're raising a kid).
If I was in a relationship with a man who tried to fight with me on Facebook, I'd be over at his house for a face-to-face chat in record time.
6I cannot stand when I see Facebook updates referring to arguments with their significant others. To me, it just looks like a desperate grab for attention. I never comment on those types of updates. I roll my eyes.
Social networking is fine, but seriously, you sould be able to gauge what's appropriate to use as a status update. Getting too personal is just annoying.
7The other thing that weirds me out about this is that I know a lot of people who are "friends" with casual acquaintances or people that they work with. It just makes it even odder that they would then go about airing their ickiest moments on facebook for public comment.
8I agree with everyone above. Everyone is all about facebook nowadays and in a way it is good to reconnect with friends especially old and long distance friends, but many people make it their life. Sometimes there are things that are better off left private.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my ex are one of those people but then again maybe it was bothering him so much that he had to just post it. He said stuff in there that made people feel sorry for him and comfort him, which made me wonder whether he told people that I dumped him. I was tempted to comment why he's acting so heartbroken when he's the one who broke my heart, but I just left it at that and quit facebook. I don't want to care anymore.
9Do people actually do that? Facebook is the last place I would ever air my personal problems.
10I can't imagine what in the hell would possess a person to do something so idiotic in the first place.......
Ahh i totally agree! My favorite is when people put lyrics to emo songs as their status updates. Might as well write "feel sorry for me please!"
11WTF? Are you serious? People actually do this? How f*cking lame...GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one wants to see that and anyone that would get involved in stupid DRAMA like fighting on Facebook is seriously lame.
12my bf won't be my friend on fb because he says that's asking for disaster. At first it really bothered me, but when I read things like this I begin to lean more toward his way of thinking.
13I'm just into this fb thing only recently, and oh boy, that's the last thing I want to share or read about on facebook. People actually fight on there? What an embarrassment.
14I hate when people overshare.
15I have a friend who feels the need to put hearts in her status and tell the world how 'awww' her boyfriend is everyday. And he doesn't even have an account.
Another one updates her closest 300 friends on the status of her divorce everyday.
I just don't know why people do this. But I was never the kind to talk about personal stuff unless I know someone really welll.
if your boyfriend won't add you as a friend on facebook, there's a huge problem there! he's hiding something!
16I have to agree with skigurl....... something's up.
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