Ensure Evermore

Dear Sugar
I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend (who is 24) for a year and a half. We were friends before we dated for about 2 years, and we are great together and so in love. But this is my first really serious relationship with a guy. I basically live with him, and I know he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, (we discuss marriage openly). The problem is that I am 110% sure that I want to have kids by 25 and he is dead set against it and speaks very negatively about having children. He says he doesn't want them at all. When I tell him how much it means to me, he tells me he'll think about it and maybe one day he'll change his mind. I am not so sure that's a good enough answer though. Can you offer me any advice? Aspiring Mama

Dear Aspiring Mama
Having children is huge! If it's something that you want and he doesn't, you have to examine your priorities. Sit him down for a serious talk because this could be a deal breaker. Since you are dating and just in the phase of talking about marriage, this is a perfect time to time to share your feeling about your hopes and goals for the future. Listen to what he has to say... Are you guys heading down the same path or moving in different directions? If he says that he doesn't want kids, but would consider having them for you, that's no recipe for him being a good and active Father - have you thought about that? Something else to consider is that your boyfriend is only 24 years old. His biological clock is probably not ticking yet and I am sure that he still sees himself as a child. But this conversation will help get you focused on some serious issues that you can't avoid if you want to have a successful partnership. Let's not forget that 55% of marriages end in divorce. Here's to hoping that this talk will help put you in the remaining 45% category.

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