I had been "seeing" this guy for about three months, when it appeared to me that he really wasn't that interested in me anymore. He would always say that I worry too much but eventually admitted that "He didn't want to be in a serious relationship, but enjoyed my company and still wanted to be friends." I stupidly agreed b/c I really liked him.
Through the time we had been seeing each other, we fooled around but never actually slept together. I had told him that I didn't want to have sex unless we were committed and since he couldn't commit, we didn't let it get that far. Well...being the idiot that I am, I decided to hang out with him one weekend and go out to have drinks. He invited me to stay the night since he didn't want me driving home intoxicated, and I agreed. The deal was we'd sleep in different rooms.
Long story short . . . I drank wayyyy too much. I didn't even realize I was so drunk until the morning. I had blacked out, and woke up to find that we had sex. I apparently came on to him, very aggressively and wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me he resisted a couple of times and told me things weren't like that anymore, but I kept pushing. He also said that I was acting completely out of character and that I usually freak out about things like that, but that I was all for it. So he agreed to it.
I don't remember any of it.
Needless to say, he says he had a great time and doesn't regret it and asked that I don't regret it either. I agreed, but told him afterward that being just friends sucks for me. He says he knows, but it's all he can give me.
I feel sooooo embarrassed and ashamed for doing this. I tried so hard not to sleep with him and I suddenly get drunk one night and am all for it!? He tried contacting me a couple of days ago, but I didn't respond. Idk if I should speak to him again. I'm hurt that I let myself get into this situation and also that he agreed to sex when he knew I was acting differently. I know it takes two to tango, but I never wanted it to be this way. Now I just feel hurt, and awkward. He says everything is cool and he's not upset about it, but I feel terrible. I don't like casual sex like that . . . especially with him. I feel cheap.
What do I do? Just move on, ignore him, and forget about the whole thing or talk to him about it? Being just friends is too hard, especially when this just happened. I really like the guy, I just can't believe I let it get that far, especially when I knew he didn't want anything more than friends.