I've recently had an awful argument with my wife. We were fighting because she was trying to justify all the reasons why I should not act disappointed when she goes out until the middle of the night to be with friends when I am not around. I complained that I never know where she is or with whom she is with.
This is a new behavior that started only after we were separated during the summer because I was unfaithful and came clean to her. I have since committed myself to my wife and making our marriage work, but it seems the tables have turned.
How can I be compassionate to the pain she still holds in her heart without reacting to her dysfunctional behaviors? We are living under the same roof but not as husband and wife. She no longer feels married as she has told me, and she needs time before she can decide whether to work things out between us. Please help me get through this tough time. In the Dog House Dan
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Dear In the Dog House Dan
Let me first say I am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch in your marriage. Recovering from infidelity can take some time, but if you are both willing to make it work, it can be done. I can only imagine how uncomfortable your house must be so opening the lines of communication, and really listening to each other is a must.
While your wife is most definitely reacting to your cheating, she needs to remember that two wrongs do not make a right. Have you considered going to couples counseling to see if your marriage has a chance of surviving? No one said that this was ever going to be easy.
Since she feels she needs more time, you are going to have to respect her wishes; I just hope she isn't trying to hurt you like you hurt her. All that will do is create more resentment and will slowly chip away at your love. Good luck to both of you; I hope you can both find a way to be happy.