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Does He Want to Date Me?

"Is He Wasting My Time?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Help me out here guys. Usually when I hear someone say something like they don't know what they want I'm out the door because it usually means they know exactly what they want and it just isn't you. But I'm thinking this may be an exception.

I met someone at the end of June and we immediately hit it off. We are both pretty busy people (I have a corporate job and am a personal trainer on the side, plus run my own website and he has a manager position at a big firm, travels a lot for work and is in law school) but he made it clear right away that he wanted to go out. We found a few hours to catch a movie together about two weeks after we met. The night went great and things got physical, but there was no sex (there probably could have been, but he was the one that slowed the pace). He followed up with a call both that night when he got home and the next morning. A few days later he was leaving on a business trip to China for two weeks and said he would like to get together, but we just couldn't find any time so he proposed meeting up as soon as he got back. We stayed in pretty good contact until he left.

He went on his trip, came back and started texting me, but he didn't ask me out that day. So, I asked him the next day if he would come to charity function with me as my date and he said he would love to but that he couldn't because he had plans with a coworker that evening. Ok. No big deal. A few days go by and the contact seems to get less frequent. I e-mailed him and he got real chatty, but still no asking me out. At this point I decided to call him out on it (he was back from China for like a week at this point). I asked him if he was ever planning on asking me out again. He said yes, but that he was so busy getting caught up at work that he just didn't have the time, but that I'll be the first to know when he does. I kinda laid down the law and I told him I'm not looking for a texting buddy or an e-mail friend and if he wasn't interested in actually dating me we should scrap it and both go happily find what we wanted. He apologized and said he definitely wanted to go out again he just needed to find the time; however, he also said that if I thought it was too much work, or I feel like he's leading me on that he would understand if I walked away because there wasn't much he could do right now. Obviously, I took that as a red flag so I went radio silence on him for a few days.

He got back in touch and the conversation was chit chatty and friendly, still no asking me out but he did say he can see his schedule starting to clear "very soon" and that we would have time to get together. During the course of this conversation we were talking about different types of relationships and I basically asked him what he's looking for. His answer: "I honestly just really don't know what I'm looking for right now."

What should I do? I made my intentions clear what I wanted and what I didn't want and he's still kind of coming around. He really IS busy. My thing is when I move on, I really do move on. There's no going back. I don't talk to that person again for a very long time and I don't know if I should take that drastic of a measure with this one. I'm thinking it might be better to just give him space, let him figure out what he wants and then come to me if and when he knows. In the meantime, I don't have to cut him off, but I am definitely keeping my options open if someone else great comes along. Agree or disagree? I don't want to be the girl that waits around for someone, but I actually do like this guy and felt a big click with him. I think it might be worth the shot of playing it a different way.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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