Do You Have "the Talk" in Your Relationships?

October 28, 2008

The Hills started out last night with Stephanie telling Lauren that she and her boyfriend, Cameron, had "the talk" to make their relationship officially official. While putting labels on relationships is important to some, others aren't comfortable putting their feelings on the line — a must when having that type of discussion. Sure, there's a level of ease that comes with knowing where you stand in your relationship, but having "the talk" seems a little outdated to me. What do you think? Do you typically have "the talk" in your relationships, or do you tend to let things progress naturally?

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32 Comments

ilanac13 4 years 28 weeks

i think that when i was younger i felt like i needed to have 'the talk' but now that i'm older, it's not the same situation and it's easier just to let things naturally progress. chances are when you don't stress about labels, you find yourself in the perfect relationship already.

nicklegoat 4 years 28 weeks

natually...unless u truely want 2 know but then if u have 2 ask...it may not be worth it.

javsmav 4 years 28 weeks

We didn't have a talk to make it "official." People just started calling me his girlfriend & then he did too. Then eventually I started calling him my boyfriend. We've talked about our relationship every now & then over the years--I think that's healthy, but there was never a how do we define this discussion. we just use our first date as our anniversary. I've never really felt the need to have a RDT. All the guys I've dated have been pretty open & honest about how they feel & what they want. I've never had that 'but where is this going' feeling...unless I felt it wasn't going anywhere & wanted to get out.

Lilavati 4 years 28 weeks

I definitely need that to see where I stand. And you are so right, chow, I have an anniversary thanks to that, and it's in a few days! (On the 3rd.)

chow 4 years 29 weeks

i think it depends on the relationship but one positive thing about having 'the talk' is that you actually have an anniversary to celebrate. it's nice to know where the other person stands.

allien86 4 years 29 weeks

We had a talk, it happened about a month after our first date and I just asked him how do you feel about the way things are going, are you happy? I think having some sort of conversation can save a lot of heartache if in fact one person either doesn't feel the same way about dating/relationships as the other (some of my friends have fallen into the trap of thinking they are exclusive when in fact their supposed bf is sleeping around - a reason I myself had the chat long before sleeping with my bf).

k8 rckstr 4 years 29 weeks

lickety split... i agree its not childish at all... its coming to an understanding as to whether or not you're exclusively seeing each other... I'd rather know if a guy was serious about me than assume he was and find out later that he was dating other girls at the same time because we never discussed whether we're exclusive with each other or not... NOT talking about it at some point in some form or another seems juvenile in my opinion

Jude C 4 years 29 weeks

Every boyfriend I've had has asked me outright "Can I call you my girlfriend?" but that's about it.

Sun_Sun 4 years 29 weeks

i do think some sort of talk is necessary. i agree with the comment "how would you know if you're on the same page". i dont think it has to be all serious and ultimatum-ish, but just some sort of understanding. my [now] husband thankfully initiated "the talk"...just kinda like, so what are we really doing, where r we going. i know what i want. do u? aww memories :)

sparklestar 4 years 29 weeks

Always.

lickety split 4 years 29 weeks

"childish and ingenuous thing to 'decide'", lol. well, hope you enjoy being single! it's not possible to have a serious relationship w/o talking aboutit, and why would you be afraid to discuss what you want for the future? if you love him respect that he has his own plans and the 2 of you might need to make compromises to remain a couple. if all you want out of a man is a sex partner i'm sure he's happy to go that route. but if you expect or desire more please speak up. otherwise the label your stuck with is "booty call".

HeidiMD 4 years 29 weeks

We never had the talk. I didn't care and didn't need the label to know what I had was good, and he started referring to me as his girlfriend quickly enough.

bluesteyes 4 years 29 weeks

ALL women have the talk! I mean even samantha in sex and the city had one :) It's important to talk. We have to talk about stuff to make things work and yes make it official. Talking is great as long as your partner is fully participated. Talking at someone is boring and kills romance

cravinsugar 4 years 29 weeks

Also, I have to say...I have always thought my fiance feels the same way about me as I him, but when he proposed, it was a declaration that he DID feel that way, and that he would continue to. It meant so much, that gesture/act. Def not something we discussed though! We are old fashioned! lol

cravinsugar 4 years 29 weeks

Mesayme, I don't think people are trying to be needy/fake. I think it comes from one person's desire to know if the other feels the same. I think that is natural, but to each their own. My frist relationship we never discussed it...from day one we were together.

cravinsugar 4 years 29 weeks

We had "un"talks. I would ask what we were, and he would answer. One day we were a couple, officially. I was fine with it. I didn't have to reveal anything, and he was in control (since when we started out he hadn't wanted anything serious). no pressure, no strings. we have had serious convo's though, just not that early on!

allourregrets 4 years 29 weeks

My boyfriend and I had "the talk" He brought it up...I was more on the side of "do we have to put a label on it" But he took that to mean that I wasnt serious about our relationship, which I was, so we went ahead and "put a label on it" I think its good to know where you stand and to know that you are both on the same page about where are and where you are going.

k8 rckstr 4 years 29 weeks

If you don't have "the talk", how are you going to know whether or not you're on the same page?

bluebellknoll 4 years 29 weeks

I don't think that the talk is outdated at all. It makes sense to have a discussion to know where the relationship stands. I also agree with nysupergirl in that it doesn't have to be a long drawn out discussion either.

oohsexypenguin 4 years 29 weeks

I've always had some form of "the talk" in my relationships. With my ex, it came after he referred to me as his gf and I kinda freaked out (we'd only been dating for a couple of weeks). With my fiance, we were in the car one day driving to his place, and all of a sudden he asked "Would you like to be officially dating?" So cute, lol! I definitely think having some sort of discussion about where your relationship stands/is going is important, just so both of you are on the same page.

sc cutie 4 years 29 weeks

That's funny. BF and I were just talking yesterday about how we didn't know when we really started "dating." At one point though, I do remember giggling on the phone with him about "so when are you gonna call me your girlfriend?" -- he said "oh babe, I've already done that!"

MissJules5x 4 years 29 weeks

i think if you're feeling a little insecure about the future of the relationship then the talk is always a good way to set things out in the open and get that peace of mind. if you are intimate with someone and spend enough time with someone to be in a relationship the communication should be there and it shouldn't be awkward. sure it can be nerve wracking to be the one to bring it up but it shouldn't be something people shy away from.

nysupergirl 4 years 29 weeks

I think that at some point in every relationship, there is "the talk" weather that is what it is looked at or not. If there were no such thing, the people would not know where they stand with each other, and would more likely than not, walk around being confused, and doing things that may unnecessarily hurt the other persons feelings. I know that in the past, i have had the talk in almost every relationship that i have been in, and the ones that I did not have the talk in were definitely short lived. The talk does not need to be some long drawn out and dramatic discussion, but can be as simple as clearing the air as to what you are and what you are not.

bbkf 4 years 29 weeks

No, I don't see the need to do that. The only time I've had any sort of "talk" was when my husband proposed to me.

bikinib7 4 years 29 weeks

My boyfriend was so silly and asked me if I would be his girlfriend. I never had that happen in previous relationships, it was kind of just assumed. haha - I blushed when he asked me, but at least I knew where we stood. (And we have a real anniversary date to celebrate.. lol)

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