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Do Ultimatums Work in Relationships?

Group Therapy: I Want to Give My Boyfriend an Ultimatum

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Have you ever been so fed up with the person you love that you've wanted to threaten to leave them or present them with an ultimatum, just to get some sort of reaction out of them?

My boyfriend has been driving me nuts lately — it feels like some days, he'll systematically find every way he can to shoot down every positive thing I try to do and say. He's been making bad decisions for his health, isn't looking for a new job despite being laid off recently (and he started that job knowing he'd be laid off after a few months' work), and is just generally being one of those grown-ups who still lives in their dad's basement that I never wanted to date.

He's depressed, which I know contributes to a lot of this, and has decided to wean himself off of his antidepressants and stop seeing his psychologist! I know this doesn't help, but I'm his girlfriend, not his mother. I can't make him take care of himself.

I'm just too frustrated. I love him dearly, and I know he loves me. But lately I've been feeling horrible. I can't leave him alone because I know (from experience) that if I don't put effort in to getting ahold of him, I'll never hear from him. He's just not the kind of person to be very dependent on others. I feel like if I walked away right now, he wouldn't try to stop me or tell me that he wanted me to stay, even though he's told me many times that he wants me in his life. He cares, just not enough. What do I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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