Do Tell: Would You Rather Get Dumped or Ignored?

January 16, 2008

The dating game can be extremely cut throat. On a first date, it's easy to tell if there's an attraction or not, but what happens when one person feels it and the other doesn't? Well, someone's bound to get hurt, of course! A common complaint I hear from women is "why didn't he call?" To play devil's advocate, I must ask, do you always call him? Of course, it's hard to accept that the main reason he doesn't call is because he's just not that into you, but let me ask you this: Would you rather have him call and straight up tell you that or have him just disappear, never to be heard from again? I'd take the latter, but ladies, do tell, what about you?

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carnivalist 4 years 11 weeks

As a man, I can't for the life of me see why it would be better to be ignored. As many have said, it leaves someone hanging and gives them that tiny little bit of hope that eats away at you "It's the hope that kills you" and all that. And girls; lots of women do this too - it's one of the reasons I gave up chasing girls more than ten years ago. Unfortunately I've recentlylet my guard down and been messed around a little bit by an attention seeker. We never dated, although she did ask me for a drink when I first got to know her, but we talked and flirted by text for a few months. I felt for her a little bit, because she told me how hard she was on herself and how people spread horrible rumours about her being a good time girl and so on. Anyway, all of a sudden she stopped coming in to the Radio station where she was volunteering. I left it for a few weeks and then just simply texted her asking if everything was OK and then left a brief message on her answerphone to the same effect a few days later - both of which she ignored. I was actually worried that I might have creeped her out in a "sexual-harrassment at work" kind of way. Fool that I am I sent her a longish message apologising if I'd made her feel awkward; trying to reassure her that there were no hard feelings; that she should continue with the voluntary job as she was so good at it and that I would stay out of her way (as I say I felt a certain amount of sympathy for her and used to try and boost her confidence) and that I wouldn't contact her again. Anyway, I then found out from a number of sources that she was a bit of a female player and also had a habit of trying to get men to like her even if she wasn't interested. So ironically, the rumours she was so upset about were actually true. I know we didn't actually date, but we were friendly and so it does hurt to have been ignored - especially since it isn't down to the fact that she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but because I've served my purpose by giving her the attention she wanted. I know many of the girls on here will call me a wuss, but I can't help feeling a little hurt by the situation.

carnivalist 4 years 11 weeks

As a man, I can't for the life of me see why it would be better to be ignored. As many have said, it leaves someone hanging and gives them that tiny little bit of hope that eats away at you "It's the hope that kills you" and all that.And girls; lots of women do this too - it's one of the reasons I gave up chasing girls more than ten years ago.Unfortunately I've recentlylet my guard down and been messed around a little bit by an attention seeker.We never dated, although she did ask me for a drink when I first got to know her, but we talked and flirted by text for a few months. I felt for her a little bit, because she told me how hard she was on herself and how people spread horrible rumours about her being a good time girl and so on.Anyway, all of a sudden she stopped coming in to the Radio station where she was volunteering. I left it for a few weeks and then just simply texted her asking if everything was OK and then left a brief message on her answerphone to the same effect a few days later - both of which she ignored.I was actually worried that I might have creeped her out in a "sexual-harrassment at work" kind of way. Fool that I am I sent her a longish message apologising if I'd made her feel awkward; trying to reassure her that there were no hard feelings; that she should continue with the voluntary job as she was so good at it and that I would stay out of her way (as I say I felt a certain amount of sympathy for her and used to try and boost her confidence) and that I wouldn't contact her again.Anyway, I then found out from a number of sources that she was a bit of a female player and also had a habit of trying to get men to like her even if she wasn't interested. So ironically, the rumours she was so upset about were actually true.I know we didn't actually date, but we were friendly and so it does hurt to have been ignored - especially since it isn't down to the fact that she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but because I've served my purpose by giving her the attention she wanted.I know many of the girls on here will call me a wuss, but I can't help feeling a little hurt by the situation.

MandyJoBo 5 years 17 weeks

DUMPED, definitely. I'd rather be dumped than strung along. That to me implies that he cares nothing about me or my feelings. I've only been dumped once, I cried, and moved on. You have to rip it off like a band-aid and then begin to heal.

MandyJoBo 5 years 17 weeks

pink_magnetism 5 years 17 weeks

I think it depends on how long I've known the guy. If we just met and he doesn't call, or we've been out once and doesn't call, i might be a little irritated for a day or so, but then that's it. I wouldn't want to have them tell me they don't like me, or sent me a text/email or something!If we've been dating a bit, as painful as it might be, I think I'd prefer the dumping to them suddenly disappearing. As long as they don't tell me that they want to end it because I'm so great that they don't want me to get hurt, that's the lamest thing ever!

pink_magnetism 5 years 17 weeks

I think it depends on how long I've known the guy. If we just met and he doesn't call, or we've been out once and doesn't call, i might be a little irritated for a day or so, but then that's it. I wouldn't want to have them tell me they don't like me, or sent me a text/email or something! If we've been dating a bit, as painful as it might be, I think I'd prefer the dumping to them suddenly disappearing. As long as they don't tell me that they want to end it because I'm so great that they don't want me to get hurt, that's the lamest thing ever!

charleney_2k 5 years 17 weeks

oh, thank god! after reading the responses here i know i am not totally crazy or the only one who REALLY HATES being ignored, even by someone i have only known for a few weeks. (i was ready to accept that i just have abandonment issues since i'm adopted, LOL) i haven't had much luck meeting guys in my small town, and when my sister mentioned there were available men MY AGE (who'da thunk it LOL) on myspace i set up my profile. don't know if it's the guys who frequent that place or what, but i have been on dates with three guys...i spoke to the first guy for about 7 hours by phone before the first date. afterward, he acted like he was totally falling for me and i tried being practical and told him we needed to date other people. he talked to me a few more days just on myspace then TOTALLY froze me out and we have never spoken again. date #2 used a fake call from one of his kids during dinner to get him out of the movie (figured it out in hindsight..i am totally gullible and believe everyone at the time! LOL) but, without prompting from me, INSISTED he would call me the next day. didn't. that was fine. he then proceeded to, yes, IGNORE me after that on myspace. date #3 may have just been a player, but he told me i was awesome, gorgeous, ETC and after two dates said he would be calling me to make plans thursday. yep, thursday was four days ago and have never heard from him. (and there is NO sex and barely any kissing involved in all cases!!) the aggravating part of all this is that they are your friends on myspace, so they continue logging in every day and you are VERY MUCH AWARE that you are being ignored. and none of these three guys even removed me from their friends list. and i just want to say on my behalf that i am no stalker. i had all their phone #s and didn't call once. neither do i message them in any desparate way. i don't want to be anywhere i am not wanted! is it wrong to want a friggin courtesy email sent to me: "things are not going to work out, nice meeting you", press send? what is wrong with people that they can't have common courtesy for their fellow human beings? thanks so much for listening, friends..had to get that off my chest!! i lost my insurance so i cannot afford therapy right now.. LOL :)

charleney_2k 5 years 17 weeks

Harmonie 5 years 18 weeks

A first date is always a risk, escpecially if it's someone you just met. If it's not vibing and it's been a week and he hasn't called, usually I would take the hint even though it might hurt. But if I really felt there was a chance, I might leave a message to meet up again. No answer after that? I get it. I'm not gonna chase a guy who clearly isn't up to it.

bettywhite 5 years 18 weeks

would always always rather hear "i'm not into you" right away than be left to wonder for a week or more if he's ever going to call. i went on this date with this one guy - so nice and cute. he called me 2 days later and told me he wasn't over his ex and couldn't date anyone. he was probably totally lying and just didn't like me, but i didn't care. he'll always have a warm spot in my heart for having the balls to call me and tell me what was up instead of leaving me to wonder what happened. i was bummed for about 24 hours and then i got over it. MUCH preferred to that week long waiting game of "is he gonna call? why hasn't he called? what's wrong with me, wah!"

julie090583 5 years 18 weeks

If it's just one date, while I would prefer the guy just call me and say "it's not happening," I think it's acceptable if he just chooses not to call. HOWEVER, if it is after a second date, he needs to man up and be honest and not string you along. If it's a third date and he doesn't call, he's a straight up coward, and selfish to boot. It's way more hurtful when someone just disappears.

robins 5 years 18 weeks

dumped!! i hate being ignored!!

Asia84 5 years 18 weeks

i've had male friends who say they don't like the confrontation. bullc*m! we live in the age of email and text message; you don't even have to see the gal you're dumping. if you're gonna be an a*shole i rather it ATLEAST come through a text message. "we r done" , "nice knowin ya" , "i got back with my ex" at least the latter gives you closure . . .

Asia84 5 years 18 weeks

i've had male friends who say they don't like the confrontation.bullc*m!we live in the age of email and text message; you don't even have to see the gal you're dumping.if you're gonna be an a*shole i rather it ATLEAST come through a text message. "we r done" , "nice knowin ya" , "i got back with my ex"at least the latter gives you closure . . .

Asia84 5 years 18 weeks

Honestly, we wouldn't like to be told, "i'm just not into you, bye." phone call/text/in person. But i rather my feelings be hurt briefly, because then, i can stop waiting for your call, or planning the actual time (trying not to seem like a bugga-boo) to call again. that is the worst feeling in the world. tell me that you don't wanna talk anymore. give me the satisfaction of calling you a jacka*s vs. double checking for missed calls that don't exist.

Asia84 5 years 18 weeks

Honestly, we wouldn't like to be told, "i'm just not into you, bye." phone call/text/in person.But i rather my feelings be hurt briefly, because then, i can stop waiting for your call, or planning the actual time (trying not to seem like a bugga-boo) to call again.that is the worst feeling in the world.tell me that you don't wanna talk anymore.give me the satisfaction of calling you a jacka*s vs. double checking for missed calls that don't exist.

hikitty 5 years 18 weeks

DUMPED. At least getting dumped gives you some closure whereas suddenly being ignored leaves you with your own assumptions... I was just thinking about this topic not long ago. The sad sad thing is that I've never, ever been dumped. I've been ignored (at least more than five times). It's really a sad realization to be made to feel like I don't deserve the respect of an upfront answer. Because on the flip side- I've always been upfront with guys I have no interest in (if we went out on a date). Dang, dating is a hardcore sport where you often need thick skin...

hikitty 5 years 18 weeks

ThePerfectScore 5 years 18 weeks

OH MY GOD>>> DUMP ME ALREADY! I wont dump you if your ignoring me b/c then it has no impact whatsoever b/c its not like they would even care......... I hate being ignored... drives me fucking insane......

ThePerfectScore 5 years 18 weeks

SparklinSeahorSe 5 years 18 weeks

dumped. i HATE being ignored.

SparklinSeahorSe 5 years 18 weeks

dumped. i HATE being ignored.

veronicaraye 5 years 18 weeks

dumped! truth is the best

veronicaraye 5 years 18 weeks

dumped! truth is the best

emalove 5 years 18 weeks

Dumped! As much as it may hurt, I'd rather know the truth and have the person be straightforward with me. You shouldn't have to try too hard to get someone's attention...if they like you, they like you. If they don't call, just move on.

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