Do Tell: Why Would You Move in With a Significant Other?

July 10, 2009

A group of researchers spent years studying couples to come to this scientific conclusion: most unmarried couples move in together because they want to spend more time together.

Only 9 percent of men and 5 percent of women said they moved in together because they wanted to "test out the relationship before getting married."

Couples I know have moved in for a whole range of reasons, including something as serious as an engagement or something as practical as wanting to save money on rent. What would motivate you to move in with your partner?

Source: Getty

33 Comments

queenegg 3 years 44 weeks

I used to agree with jazztummy, but I changed my mind once I met the right guy. We're together, there's nothing that's going to divide us, so we live together and now we have a baby on the way. Also, no marriage is in sight because neither of us need a piece of paper or a ring to know that this is it. It's strange, I used to be so adamant that I would never live this way.

3 years 44 weeks

We have been together for 3 years and it's almost always been (and currently is) a long distance relationship. I'm getting my masters, and we are in two different states, so when I graduate we are going to finally move in together!

staple salad 3 years 44 weeks

My boyfriend and I are intending to get an apartment together next summer. It's a combination of being able to save several thousand a year and have better living conditions (right now we're living in the dorms... my dorm room alone costs more than our projected rent + food for a year... together, we're probably saving about $5,000 a year by getting an apartment). Plus, we spend a lot of time together when we're both at school, several hours every day, at least. So, it just feels natural as well. In addition, he doesn't believe in marriage very thoroughly because of all the marriages he's seen fail miserably in his family, and while I'd like to get married, being with the right man is more important to me, but if I ever get married, I take it very seriously. I wouldn't marry a guy without living with him first, and if we don't get married, this is close as it may get, even if we're together forever.

Kelliegrl 3 years 44 weeks

I wholeheartedly agree w/jazzytummy.

WomanTribune 3 years 44 weeks

I moved in with my boyfriend after only 5 months of dating. It's a little weird how we transitioned into a one-household couple after such a short amount of time. I was spending nearly every night with him at his place anyway but kept my apartment, then I lost my job so we began discussing the option of me moving in with him permanently, and then before that discussion came to a definitive yes, I ran out of money, got evicted, had nowhere to live, and so I moved in with him. We took it on as a temporary thing. We loved spending time together, but figured I'd find a job, get some money together, and get my own place again. Didn't work out like that and our relationship progressed very fast as soon as I moved in with him and we've now been together for almost 4 years.

RockAndRepublic 3 years 44 weeks

I'm non-plussed about the idea. I cosign what Jazztummy said.

totygoliguez 3 years 44 weeks

jazzytummy what you say is very rational and makes a lot of sense. In your previous comment you just gave me the vibe that just because you were engaged or marry that would guarantee things would work and be less messy . But, you can move in together without having to buy a house together, or even if you buy a condo or house together if its on both of your names you just sell it or make a previous arrangement. If a marriage doesn't work it can also be messy. But what you are saying makes a lot of sense and now that you explained it better I understand where are you coming from.

RachLA 3 years 44 weeks

Not going to until marriage! It's tempting, especially with sky-high rent in LA, but I think it's generally a bad idea. You can maintain some independence in different apt's and I think things like morals, goals and personality are better indicators of a successful marriage than "does he always wash the dishes?". Statistically more cohabitation couples break up, probably because there's not a shared, lasting commitment like marriage. Of course, lots of people blow off their marriage vows anyway.

jazzytummy 3 years 44 weeks

Totygoliquez..what you say sounds very romantic, but the reality is that many women move in with their boyfriends expecting the next step to be engagement, marriage, children, etc. More often than not, that does not happen, the relationship fizzles, and things fall apart. My point is, I would personally not make a huge sacrifice like moving my entire life and career to be with a guy without some kind of commitment from him, and I certainly wouldn't buy a house or condo with a guy who I was just dating...I think that is just a disaster waiting to happen. No where did I say marriage guarantees the relationship is going to work, but it IS a way of saying, we believe in our relationship so much, we are making a legal commitment to be united, to possibly raise a family, and to really try to be together forever. If you just want to have fun and spend time together, fine, move in with him. Just don't kid yourself that just because you move in with him, the next step will be marriage, because odds are, that will not be the case.

3 years 44 weeks

I'm waiting for marriage since I know what it's like to live together and break up. I think it's smarter for me to wait... no one in my family gets divorced and I don't plan to either.

totygoliguez 3 years 44 weeks

I would like to move in with someone b/c the relationship is series and we love each other. Jazzytummy having a ring on your finger or a piece of paper that say that you are marry does not guarantees the relationship is going to work.

nylorac 3 years 44 weeks

i would love to move in with my bf; we live on separate coasts and it would just make sense for one of us to move in with the other rather than finding our own separate places. we've spent so much time apart that i think we both deserve it!

havok636 3 years 44 weeks

we're moving in together in august because we're still in college and we're both sick of the dorms/ we can't afford to have our own apartments.

jazzytummy 3 years 44 weeks

Personally wouldn't do it without being engaged. I've seen too many relationships plateau and stall out after awhile, people get bored, want to move on, etc, and then there's the moving out drama. Definitely a no to buy property together without a legal commitment.

booe1104 3 years 44 weeks

We were together constantly at first and have been doing the long distance thing for about 6 months. I wanted to go to grad school and he wanted to go to Culinary school so we decided to move to Florida together. It fit both our needs and we can see each other all the time instead of once a month. In my previous, 3.5 year relationship he moved in with me because my roommate moved out unexpectedly. It really saved me the hassle of having to find a roommate in the middle of a semester. And it really worked well for a long time.

lms 3 years 44 weeks

I never lived with anyone prior to getting married.

cherryblossom 3 years 44 weeks

my boyfriend and i have been living together for five of our six years, we never even talked about living together, it just happened organically, a few of my things came here and there as i needed them and eventuallly i just started living with him, it was a mutually loved concept, we just spend everywaking hour together, and i hope to god we last forever just as we are. :)

3 years 44 weeks

Call me old fashion, but I am waiting for marriage to move in together! :)

Cinnabun 3 years 44 weeks

I love seeing him as much as I can. And split rent is always a good reason too. I also really enjoy taking care of him so I'd get to take care of the house and suprise him with dinner every once in awhile.

xxstardust 3 years 44 weeks

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting an apartment together next fall, which will be our senior year of college. We'll have been together almost 3 years at that point so I don't think we're rushing into it, and it makes a lot of sense for us. We'll save a ton on school housing (it's far cheaper to live off campus and cook one's own meals, at least where I go to school), and we'll be living there at least 2 years, as we're both doing a 5th year masters in teaching program at our college. We 'lived together' in his dorm room (a double room but he got no roommate, so a BIG single) all last year, and loved it. It was a good test run, I think - if we hadn't been able to handle it I always had my own room to go back to, but I never had to. And I think if we can handle living together in one 8x10' room for a year, we can handle an apartment! =]

thisbulimicwar 3 years 44 weeks

well for me and my bf it was a combo of wanting to spend more time together especially since we just spent the last 4 years in a long distance relationship with me away at college in another state and also to c how we live together before getting married. more the first reason tho

misshk 3 years 44 weeks

I think it depends on a lot of things. But one thing I can say is that when your ready, and it feels right why not do it? If you both discuss it and weigh out the pros and cons, then it makes it easier. My guy and I have already discussed moving in together for so many reasons but one reason is clear: We enjoy being around eachother and we really believe that when its time and we cant live without one another we will live together. Its as simple as that. He recently bought a house 3 months ago and Ive been spending so much time there, my own apartment doesnt quite feel the same. Been living by myself for years now, its a little overrated because its only fun for the first little while! But thats just my experience. My lease is up in December. Not sure whats going to happen but I like what we have going because it doesnt feel rushed.

ms jamerz 3 years 44 weeks

My boyfriend and I moved in together 3.5 years ago when we were both 18 for two reasons. One because I was always at his place anyways so it seemed to make sense and two, I had been out on my own for a year and he was still living at home when his mother fell suddenly ill with 5 brain anuerysms and was hospitalized for over 9 months. She had always done everything for him and his two younger sisters so needless to say they were pretty much clueless about things such as how to do laundry and cook actual meals. I moved in to help them learn how to do those things with the added bonus of being with him everyday and we're still going strong! :)

kurniakasih 3 years 44 weeks

I was engaged to him when he asked me to move in together.

Chrstne 3 years 44 weeks

I have been living with my BF for about a year. Why? It was mutually beneficial. We wanted to take the next step before marriage. However, I called off the engagement because THAT was mutually beneficial as well (and no plans to immediately wed). It wasn't for money or because we felt like it. Everything we do is either beneficial or a good investment in our lives. I love him very much. But, in big cases, love is not enough. ...oh, and moving in together to spend more time together I think is probably a mistake. Enjoy the whole bed and being alone while you can ;)

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