Do Tell: What Are Your Future Priorities?

September 22, 2008

I have a friend who’s spent the past year working like a dog to finish her MBA while simultaneously climbing the corporate ladder. She loves dating, but she has no desire to have children or even get married. Meanwhile, I have other friends who have completely set aside their careers to work on building a family. I respect both choices very much, but I find it fascinating that there’s such a distinct difference in priorities. Are you leaning to one of these extremes? Do tell, where are your priorities as far as family versus career in your own future?

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34 Comments

cedany 4 years 33 weeks

I'm a newlywed and my husband and I are very young (19&20). We're just going to work on getting through school, traveling etc. We're both creative types, so we won't climb the corporate ladder; we want to open a bookstore in a few years' time. We both grew up moving from country to country, so we won't settle down for long in any one place. Of course, it helps that we'll both inherit quite a lot of money... otherwise things would be very different. We'll never procreate, we discussed this very early on in our relationship. Our families have histories with genetically transmitted conditions and we don't want to risk it... however, we might adopt in our late 20s after things are a bit more stable (and we become citizens of the same country). Right now we're busy taking care of our dogs and chinchillas! :)) If we had to choose which one of us works more on his/her career, I would stay at home and write and he'd be the breadwinner. He's the more responsible one.

JaimeLeah526 4 years 35 weeks

I could care less about either of these things. I do not plan on having kids and I don't really care about my career either. As long as I have enough money to get by and live a happy comfortable life I'll be happy. Of course, I wouldn't mind having a great career but I'm not going to sacrifice anything in my life to have that.

Manny654 4 years 35 weeks

I'm currently on a study abroad during my third year of undergrad-with everything on plan to graduate on time, I'm looking at grad school to get my phd. It's always something I've wanted since my dad didn't go to college and my mom did, but became a SAHM. The boyfriend is totally supportive, and honestly I can't see myself without him now. Marriage may be in the cards, but kids aren't for quite some time!

lickety split 4 years 35 weeks

first it was career, then marriage/kids. now i just want to be happy and for my family to be happy and healthy. we have had a rough few years and it looks like we are now in a peaceful phase. i don't want or need anything MORE i just want what we have to flow.

angelbaby2 4 years 35 weeks

i dont understand why this question is always one or the other. Lots of women have both and are very happy. Sounds to me like this is a 1950's type of mentality question. If a woman wants to work and have a child, that doesn't make her a bad mother. Same as a woman who chooses to stay at home. That doesn't make her a bad mother or future employee.

jlynn818 4 years 35 weeks

Can I pick both? I'm in undergrad right now and have had a long term boyfriend for over 3 years now. We pretty much plan on getting married after we graduate- although I want to wait until at least some of our debt is cleared. I'll still have a ton of school left after I graduate here because I want to eventually earn a PhD and do the whole career thing, but at the same time I want to have babies too! A few years after marriage anyway. But really, who knows what'll happen.

Mesayme 4 years 35 weeks

I spent my 20's married with kids, my 30's transitioning to single with kids working on a writing career...preparing to spend the rest of my days writing and traveling. A second marriage, would be more surprising than having a child in my 70s :D

hithatsmybike 4 years 35 weeks

Career is the focus of my 20's, but I'll make family the priority of my 30's.

HeidiMD 4 years 35 weeks

I am working on becoming a full partner at the practice I'm employed by, but that will take a few years. I'll probably work there for a few years, and either pursue a different fellowship or open my own practice. In the long-term, I'd like to do at least one tour with Doctors Without Borders, but probably more. I'm also getting married to my long-time boyfriend at the end of December, which I'm VERY happy about.

HeidiMD 4 years 35 weeks

GlowingMoon 4 years 35 weeks

I'm happily married right now, and we're decidely child-free by choice. My personal life is going well.I do have some business goals. I'm working on them right now.For me, everything is on track.

GlowingMoon 4 years 35 weeks

I'm happily married right now, and we're decidely child-free by choice. My personal life is going well. I do have some business goals. I'm working on them right now. For me, everything is on track.

elmer7887 4 years 35 weeks

I would not even consider getting married until i finish with all school entirely. I am in my fourth year in undergrad, and need to get a masters(another 2 years). I'm in a relatively serious relationship, but him and I agree. As for the long-term future, I want to be with someone who would see us, either, as both working, or he stays at home. If i am going to go to school for seven years, I think i should take advantage of it. I have always felt like I wanted to be the bread winner, but i am still very young, so my biological clock isn't quite ticking....that could change though!!

bchicgrl 4 years 35 weeks

It's hard to decide, I just starting online classes to get my AA degree in Early Childhood Education while working a job i absolutely hate so I want to be focused on getting through the first semester so i can actually start working with kids again and getting paid well for it. On the other hand me and fiance are getting married next year and we would really like to have kids soon after. *Sigh*

lawchick 4 years 35 weeks

Ha, thanks Jude C! He is a great husband, though -- since I have this stressful job and work a lot, he does all the grocery shopping, errands, home repairs, etc!

Jude C 4 years 35 weeks

That definitely is a good point, lawchick. By the way, good for you for being the breadwinner! :cheer:

Jude C 4 years 35 weeks

That definitely is a good point, lawchick.By the way, good for you for being the breadwinner! :cheer:

lawchick 4 years 35 weeks

I don't think it's an either/or question either, Jude C. BUT of course if you're super busy with your career, you may not have as much time as you like to devote to your family. Right now I'm the breadwinner (husband has been in school and waiting tables), and I wouldn't consider having kids until my husband gets a good job and I move into a less stressful one. I'm concerned my stress level and job requirements right now would not make for a healthy pregnancy.

sonya ina 4 years 35 weeks

My husband and I want to start having kids in 4-5 years, so I still have plenty of time to continue working on my career. However, when the time comes I still want to work, maybe not full time, but I really like my job, so we'll see!

Jude C 4 years 35 weeks

I'm focused on both: I want to build more career and financial stability so that we can start a family. I don't think it's always an either/or question.

princess_eab 4 years 35 weeks

Well, I'm 29 and I want to have a family - I'm sorry to say I'm not as career-focused as I should be. I'm in the middle of completing my Ph.D. and once I'm done I'll be at least 31. I want to finish the degree but I don't necessarily want an academic job, for which I'd have to be totally open to being flung by myself as fay away as the middle of Kansas or one of the Dakotas. I knew this when I started, but I wanted to complete my education and it's very important to me to finish this degree. I have other skills, though, and I'm confident I'll be fine in whatever I want to do. The issue now is that I'm in something that looks slightly serious with someone in the UK, and wouldn't mind moving there when I'm done teaching. Also I really, really want a family, and I wouldn't mind being a SAHM for at least a few years. I realized as I got older that having a happy home is really important to me...

Deidre 4 years 35 weeks

After 4 years climbing the corporate ladder, I realized that I was pretty unfulfilled personally. I shifted careers from corporate marketing to HR for a non-profit, and the move was perfect for me. I enjoy working with people on a more personal level, and my stress levels have subsided greatly. In this switch, my priorities have really become more home-oriented. I'm getting married next year, and the focus is currently on getting that done and then getting a house! I'm so happy that I had my previous career experiences, and was able to learn what didn't work for me. No regrets!

psychobabble 4 years 35 weeks

I'm starting a Masters in Nursing and just got married this summer, so I'm trying to find balance right now. My husband is in medical school so the focus right now is to get both of us through school. We've decided that children will have to wait until at least when he's in residency in 3 years. As for a puppy, which we both desperately want, our apartment doesn't allow one and we want to wait until we're settled with a yard and the time it takes to care for one properly. So, my future priorities now are career and finding a balance.

fancifulfabi 4 years 35 weeks

I'm not ready for marriage yet, but my bf and I are so close it's hard not to dream of a house with a white picket fence sometimes. I'm still finishing up my undergrad now and I have a lot ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to having children one day... I just hope they aren't too distracting because I want a career too! :P

bluebellknoll 4 years 35 weeks

Well, my priorities have started switching from career to family. I just got married earlier this year and I'm not a spring chicken anymore so I suppose it's about time I change gears.

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