Do Tell: What Do You Tell Your Friends When They Complain About Their Love Lives?

July 7, 2008

I have a few single friends who don’t embrace the single life quite like my other friends do. They really want to find someone they connect with, and they feel completely defeated when they don’t. Those feelings of frustration are understandable, but sometimes I'm at a loss for what to offer them as comfort. I try to avoid the clichés, and end up fluctuating between trying to keep them hopeful and joining them in their lamentations. Since I need a little help on this one, do tell, what do you tell your friends that just can’t meet someone? Or what do you like to hear when it’s you complaining?

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3 years 24 weeks

Most of my friends are single, and a couple of them in particular seem to always complain to me about their single status. At this point, I feel like I've said the same things (you need to like yourself first, you should go out and meet people, not just sit at home and wait for them to knock on your door, etc) over and over until I'm blue in the face, so usually when they start being mopey and text me things of a "feel sorry for me because you have a man and I don't" nature, I just tell them that I love them and that I'm here for them.

Missy Prissy 4 years 45 weeks

well if its about the (sex) love life then I offer ideas to spice it up. Stuff I know my friends would enjoy and feel comfortable doing.if it is about their love love life I usually just let them vent out their frustrations, offer advice and support for each particular situation.

Missy Prissy 4 years 45 weeks

well if its about the (sex) love life then I offer ideas to spice it up. Stuff I know my friends would enjoy and feel comfortable doing. if it is about their love love life I usually just let them vent out their frustrations, offer advice and support for each particular situation.

xojennifer 4 years 45 weeks

none of my friends complain about their relationships: they show off. haha, they talk, and talk, and talk about how amazing their weekend with their boyfriend was, and so on. I mean, I do the same (almost? I mean I do talk about my relationship from time to time), but not in the same way. Its like they do it to make me jealous of their relationship, when im perfectly happy in mine :)

xojennifer 4 years 45 weeks

none of my friends complain about their relationships: they show off. haha, they talk, and talk, and talk about how amazing their weekend with their boyfriend was, and so on.I mean, I do the same (almost? I mean I do talk about my relationship from time to time), but not in the same way. Its like they do it to make me jealous of their relationship, when im perfectly happy in mine :)

lickety split 4 years 45 weeks

oh, and if they ask what i think i tell them "if you wanted to be in a relationship you would be". come on, how many billons of people are there on the planet and they can't find one?

lickety split 4 years 45 weeks

i generally find that people who haven't met anyone one (despite any protests to the contrary) do not want to meet anyone. being in a relationship requires things that single life does not. it's way eaiser to be single rather than make the effort to actually be in a relationship.

Blackwood 4 years 45 weeks

also, I kind of think that maybe it is the fact that so many people around me are in relationships (and they're the ones who are always complaining) that makes me think "why would I want that? That's not me at all!"Of course, I respect people who want a relationship and are happy in one. The only thing I can't stand is people who moan and whine about wanting a relationship/ the relationship they are in, but without actually doing anything to change it. While I may agree it's sad, I also consider that depends on the person to do something about it.

Blackwood 4 years 45 weeks

also, I kind of think that maybe it is the fact that so many people around me are in relationships (and they're the ones who are always complaining) that makes me think "why would I want that? That's not me at all!" Of course, I respect people who want a relationship and are happy in one. The only thing I can't stand is people who moan and whine about wanting a relationship/ the relationship they are in, but without actually doing anything to change it. While I may agree it's sad, I also consider that depends on the person to do something about it.

Blackwood 4 years 45 weeks

I'm always the only single one. And I've always enjoyed it! Not once I cried to my friends or to anyone about my singledom! Actually, if anything, singledom is like my trademark! haha I'm very proud of my maidenhood and ever since I was in high school I would tell anyone that I'd die a virgin. So far it hasn't happened, but it could, and most horribly, it was very close to actually happen once.

Blackwood 4 years 45 weeks

I'm always the only single one.And I've always enjoyed it! Not once I cried to my friends or to anyone about my singledom! Actually, if anything, singledom is like my trademark! hahaI'm very proud of my maidenhood and ever since I was in high school I would tell anyone that I'd die a virgin.So far it hasn't happened, but it could, and most horribly, it was very close to actually happen once.

Asia84 4 years 45 weeks

With my close friends? lol. most of those tramps are married or divorced and remarried. I think i'm the only single one . . .and I usually don't go on and on about my trials with dating, or the "I don't wanna marry Dan" drama.

Asia84 4 years 45 weeks

With my close friends?lol.most of those tramps are married or divorced and remarried.I think i'm the only single one . . .and I usually don't go on and on about my trials with dating, or the "I don't wanna marry Dan" drama.

Renees3 4 years 45 weeks

My best friend is like this. Really, I just tell her the same things over and over. She doesn't put herself out there and expects things to fall in her lap so I'm always telling her to get out and do new things. It doesn't help that her parents pressure her a lot, telling her things like "when you get married we're doing this and that or going here". The girl doesn't even have a boyfriend! But really, she's had guy problems so I'm used to it. I'm always there for her and always will be

GlowingMoon 4 years 45 weeks

Truthfully, I have only one friend who is single, and she does not complain about it. She has a lot going for her, and she's not the type that self-pities. She just purchased a home, and got accepted into her dream grad school. She has a lot of positives going on in her life.

zombielove 4 years 45 weeks

quite honestly i just tell them "get the f*ck over it". When they're single they wish and complain about how they want to be in a relationship...when they are with someone they wish and complain that they wanna be single.i usually just let them vent to me but all the while theyre talking to me im dozing off, i have trouble feeling sorry for people when it comes to mundane things like that, being with someone doesnt mean you're better at life...being single doesnt mean you suck at life.

zombielove 4 years 45 weeks

quite honestly i just tell them "get the f*ck over it". When they're single they wish and complain about how they want to be in a relationship...when they are with someone they wish and complain that they wanna be single. i usually just let them vent to me but all the while theyre talking to me im dozing off, i have trouble feeling sorry for people when it comes to mundane things like that, being with someone doesnt mean you're better at life...being single doesnt mean you suck at life.

popgoestheworld 4 years 45 weeks

vinvegas - your friend sounds insanely annoying! I don't know how you put up with it.I had a friend who would complain to me about it and I would try to be sympathetic but then she'd get mad at me because according to her I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through. It was a lose-lose situation.Sometimes though, if people I know well say things like that to me, I'll be like: "You know, you are right! You'll never find love again."And then they're like, "Of course I will!" because really the idea that they won't is kind of ludicrous, and they KNOW that but are insecure about it anyway.The best advice I got from a friend of mine about this is that I might end up unmarried for the rest of my life, and would that be the worst thing? The answer is a resounding NO. Most of us are good at making the best out of what life throws at us.

popgoestheworld 4 years 45 weeks

vinvegas - your friend sounds insanely annoying! I don't know how you put up with it. I had a friend who would complain to me about it and I would try to be sympathetic but then she'd get mad at me because according to her I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through. It was a lose-lose situation. Sometimes though, if people I know well say things like that to me, I'll be like: "You know, you are right! You'll never find love again." And then they're like, "Of course I will!" because really the idea that they won't is kind of ludicrous, and they KNOW that but are insecure about it anyway. The best advice I got from a friend of mine about this is that I might end up unmarried for the rest of my life, and would that be the worst thing? The answer is a resounding NO. Most of us are good at making the best out of what life throws at us.

zawackirz 4 years 45 weeks

haha, a lot of my friends get this way, especially when they are drunk. I shrug it off and tell them to be optimistic and stop focusing on what you don't have and be grateful for what you do have. I'm single and it is fun to date different people, you learn a lot about yourself.

zawackirz 4 years 45 weeks

haha, a lot of my friends get this way, especially when they are drunk. I shrug it off and tell them to be optimistic and stop focusing on what you don't have and be grateful for what you do have.I'm single and it is fun to date different people, you learn a lot about yourself.

geebers 4 years 45 weeks

I avoid cliches at ALL costs. I was single up until last year and I HATED when people told me crap like "your time will come" and "love happens when you stop looking for it". Nowadays I just tell friends that being single can be fun -and tell them that I was happy single and I am happy now that I am in a serious relationship. The difference is that being single is way more fun than being in a crappy relationship. Both have ups and downs. I feel that by being realistic with them, they appreciate it so much more.

vanessasworld 4 years 45 weeks

I have a really close friend who is CONSTANTLY in a state of depression over her single-dom, honestly it's really obnoxious. She'll decide that THIS is the guy she wants to be with after knowing him for maybe 3 weeks and talking primarily over myspace. She'll stress over whether or not to tell him her "feelings" and she never, ever takes advice. Then she'll spend the next 6 months depressed and feeling sorry for herself either because she told the guy she was feeling him and he got scared off (because he's only known her for a month) or she didn't tell the guy how she was feeling and she's jealous because she's not the only one he's talking to. I've always tried to explain to her that being in a relationship isn't going to make everything perfect and that being in one is sometimes even harder than it is being single. I've also tried to tell her that her "poor me, I'm soooo depressed without a boyfriend" attitude is a major turn off and screams desperation but she doesn't listen. After 10 of her friends give her their own variation of the exact same advice, she'll just go off and write a "poor me" blog about how her friends who aren't single just don't understand. Like we all weren't single once too. She is seriously the most emotionally draining friend I have and at this point when she starts lamenting her single status, I've resorted to just telling her "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not going to be happy in any relationship until you learn to be happy with yourself solo." While I'd love to be more supportive of her at this point it's just too much. She has some crisis of loneliness every other day and it's just too much to have to deal with my own life and her issues too.

vanessasworld 4 years 45 weeks

I have a really close friend who is CONSTANTLY in a state of depression over her single-dom, honestly it's really obnoxious. She'll decide that THIS is the guy she wants to be with after knowing him for maybe 3 weeks and talking primarily over myspace. She'll stress over whether or not to tell him her "feelings" and she never, ever takes advice. Then she'll spend the next 6 months depressed and feeling sorry for herself either because she told the guy she was feeling him and he got scared off (because he's only known her for a month) or she didn't tell the guy how she was feeling and she's jealous because she's not the only one he's talking to.I've always tried to explain to her that being in a relationship isn't going to make everything perfect and that being in one is sometimes even harder than it is being single. I've also tried to tell her that her "poor me, I'm soooo depressed without a boyfriend" attitude is a major turn off and screams desperation but she doesn't listen. After 10 of her friends give her their own variation of the exact same advice, she'll just go off and write a "poor me" blog about how her friends who aren't single just don't understand. Like we all weren't single once too.She is seriously the most emotionally draining friend I have and at this point when she starts lamenting her single status, I've resorted to just telling her "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not going to be happy in any relationship until you learn to be happy with yourself solo." While I'd love to be more supportive of her at this point it's just too much. She has some crisis of loneliness every other day and it's just too much to have to deal with my own life and her issues too.

Le Luxe 4 years 45 weeks

I tell them that love always comes when your not looking for it! Focus on your life as it is, and love will find you ;)

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