Do Tell: How Long Do You Date Before Changing Your Relationship Status?

February 25, 2009

I'm Hurt Helen wrote in yesterday asking for advice and venting her frustration about the fact that her boyfriend hasn't changed his online profile from single to dating, and I've got to say, I'd be pretty bummed if I were in her shoes too.

Using online social networks is definitely the easiest way to update your friends and family about what's going on in your life, but broadcasting your relationship status to the world wide web is a pretty big deal. Being ready to take that step is a personal decision, so do tell, how long do you usually wait to change your profile when entering into a new relationship?

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49 Comments

2 years

I think it may depend on your age and the type of relationship you have. Personally I believe something that has long term potential deserves a status change. I don't particularly think it is everyone's business however, but the best way to fix that is NOT to friend every entity online that sends you a request or is a friend of a friend you met once, etc... keep your social network to the people you know and care about. The first thing all women check when interested in a guy is his relationship status and honestly, who wants to be with a guy who isn't committed to her? Being in a relationship doesn't mean you're married to the person and declaring it on a social networking site doesn't make anyone faithful, however advertising yourself as single shows intent to be single and invite solicitations from the opposite sex. When I am in a fulfilling relationship, I have no problem letting people know and I expect the same from my guy.

2 years

All I want to do is to remove my choice for status and leave it blank.Can someone help me, please.

3 years

I am surprised by the number of people on this topic that keep saying that your relationship status is private and not for the masses of facebook to enjoy. My question is, who the heck do you have on your facebook???? I thought facebook was for TRUSTED family, friends and aquaintances? Don't you want these people that you have a great interest in, knowing that you are either extraordinarily happy or on the other hand a little bit sad that you are now in/or out of a relationship??? If you are trying to maintain some privacy, then either limit your friendships or get off of facebook altogether! But back to the question that was originally asked.... When you have both decided that you are exclusive, you are now in what is termed as a 'relationship' that can be announced to all of your family and friends by whatever means you both desire, including facebook. You should both be proud to make this announcement. If he/she doesn't want to announce your releationship to all family and friends, I would have a lot of concerns about exactly how serious they were about an 'exclusive' relationship. The 'single' reference leaves a LOT of doors open.

3 years

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and been friends for 13 years and I put a request out the other day. He still has not "confirmed". It is important to me as I am the mother of his only child and it bothers me that he doesn't feel the need to confirm that I am his only woman. I guess it is really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but upsetting just the same.

3 years

My boyfriend and I started dating about a month ago and just became official a few days ago. I did not show my relationship status after my last break-up, but he told me that he wants people to know we are together so he asked that I show it. I wasn't bothered by it. I know that feeling secure and exclusive is important to him, so this was just another way of showing that we are together.

dikke kus 4 years

Actions speak louder than words. You have a boyfriend who states he's committed, he loves you. Ok, then you see him every night? Good. He takes you out and gives you flowers. Fantastic. Then he's committed. Status hasn't changed online? Who cares if he spends every moment with you. You say he was missing one night? I guess you should check into it. You caught him at a bar with someone else? On top of another woman? Guess he's single now. Doesn't matter what the ole facebook states one way or the other. Take a look into his real life actions.

StephanieInCA 4 years

One problem that I ran into when I ended my relationship with my boyfriend of three years is that if your statuses are linked, (ie, Dick is in a relationship with Jane), then if Dick changes his status to single, it appears to facebook as if Jane has just entered a NEW relationship, and goes about announcing it to the world. AWKWARD. More here: http://urbzen.com/2009/02/17/breakup-20/

LoveLinds20 4 years

After my boyfriend and I had been together for about 6 months he still hadn't changed his status to "in a relationship". So I sent him a message that said "i hate to have to be the one to tell you this but your not single anymore. love, your girlfriend." And he changed it the next day.

designerel 4 years

Lol I assume we are mostly talking about Facebook here. I've had it all kinds of ways-- there was a time I was single and my status said "Single." Sometimes I left it blank so it wouldn't show up at all. At a time it said "In a Relationship" but didn't say with who because my bf at the time didn't have Facebook. Now it says "In a Relationship with ____." He "relationship-requested" me as soon as we had our talk so I accepted :) And on Myspace it says "In a Relationship" and my bf is the number 1 person on my friends. Hahaha ridiculous, I know...

macchiatolove 4 years

we discussed it with each other and changed it together when we were at his house to 'in a relationship [with each other] :) I know what people mean when they say it's silly and that it shouldn't be a big deal, but I guess if you've made it clear it's important to you, and he won't change it... if it's just a silly little thing, then who cares what is on there? I would be suspicious of a guy who wouldn't change it, unless he didn't even have facebook. And married guys listed as single? VERY suspicious! tidalwave, jesssa & skigirl, I totally agree - if he can't commit online, to what extent is he prepared to commit at all? it's BECAUSE it's not a huge deal that him not wanting to do it raises a red flag for me.

Mizz Independent 4 years

It was over a year for me! I know, definitely not the norm.

jazzytummy 4 years

It never ceases to amaze me why announcing details of your personal life on a social networking site is so important to so many people. I guess I am the old one here. Whatever happened to privacy and just enjoying your relationship without having to announce it to the world? If you have close family and friends, you will theoretically be talking to them occasionally, right? They will know if you are together or apart, so why do people give a fuck about what other facebook "friends" know about their relationship? Seriously. I honestly don't even get why this is an issue. It seems so stupid to me, sorry.

emalove 4 years

Eh, seems kind of silly to me... But I do have some guy friends who are married, but say that they're single on Facebook (their wives aren't on there). That's a little odd to me.

prblms4loki 4 years

I've been in a relationship for over 2 years now and although we both took off "single" I don't think it's necessary to put that we're in a relationship our for everyone to see. I agree with what people said, we've got pictures and close friends/families know, so who cares? That being said, if engagement/marriage ever showed up in the picture, then the status would definitely be changed.

jesssa 4 years

skigurl, same here. he didn't want all the other broads he was dating to know that he had a gf... soon after we broke up, he changed his relationship status to in a relationship with some girl he had been seeing for 3 months before we broke up lol. some guys! dm8bri - lovely! what a gem haha

care0531 4 years

Its been so long. I would say at least a month.

oohsexypenguin 4 years

My husband and I changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with ___" after we had "The Talk." Sure, facebook shouldn't be the end all, be all of your relationship, but I think it's a fun thing to do. I'm proud of my marriage. :)

skigurl 4 years

it certainly raises questions among your closest family and friends when you log on and the first thing you see is "jane doe and john smith have ENDED their relationship" - especially when these two have been living together since they were like 19 years old

skigurl 4 years

dm8bri - ridiculous! i have a friend who was living overseas with her boyfriend of 6 years and right when she began grad school, he ended up moving home temporarily(due to work visa issues) - she met some new guys there when she began her grad school program and started liking the "single feeling" so instead of telling him what she was feeling, she decided to remove their relationship status from facebook...when he questionned it, she said she was doing some "spring cleaning" although this was the only thing "cleaned"....needless to say she was prepping herself for their eventual breakup and making herself "available" for potential new suitors who may add her on facebook

plus_2_kid 4 years

I'm married and for a while had "It's complicated" listed as my Facebook status -- 1) It's no one's business 2) close friends already knew my status and 3) marriage IS complicated!!!! My husband got bummed so I changed it. BUT if I were single I wouldn't list anything unless I was married. I'm so glad none of these things were issues when I was in college. Ah, to be old -- occasionally it's a good thing!

dm8bri 4 years

oh, and Jesssa/skigurl - My ex "broke up" with me via facebook! I had no idea anything was up until I logged on and had a bunch of "oh, no, what happened??" messages from mutual friends. I called him and he was like, "I just want to be in college and live my life, but I still want to be with you." Um, ok? Seeing as how people use facebook to network socially AND romantically, you can't have a relationship and say you're "looking for dating, a relationship, and random play" - which is what he put on his profile.

dm8bri 4 years

Once we've had "the talk".

skigurl 4 years

jesssa - my ex got facebook right after we broke up and i put how i knew him by saying we dated from 2002 to 2006 or whatever it was and he went nuts and made me get rid of it (he's not smart enough to do it on his own) because obviously he had been cheating on me with other girls throughout those years and didn't want them to catch on...grrrr stupid guys

jesssa 4 years

i think this is where the term 'facebook-official' came from. if it says so on facebook, it must be in real life. one of my old roommates from university recently got engaged and i found out through facebook. lol... that's just the way it goes i guess. and as for my ex not confirming our relationship status on fb, it was something he did purposely; he didn't want to have that on there in case other people saw it... meaning other girls. mmhmm.

luna08 4 years

I left the 'relationship status' blank. The people I care about always know my "status"! :) I actually dated someone over the holidays who would put things like "Had a great date with..." after our dates. Sweet, but so not my thing. Kind of a deal breaker to me. I'm super private.

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