Do Tell: Do You See Your Parents Differently Now?

October 4, 2008

As kids it’s nearly impossible to see our parents as anything but our parents, but as we grow older it’s not uncommon to gain a deeper insight into our parents’ lives outside of their parental roles. In the last few years I’ve learned more about my parents as individuals than I did when I lived with them for two decades. And though they’ll always be Mom and Dad, now that I’m an adult and I have a different perspective on parenthood, I’ve really started see them for the people they are. Do you feel the same way? Now that you’ve grown up, do you think of your parents differently?

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dikke kus 3 years 48 weeks

I see my parents the same as when I was younger. That's becuase my mother liked to remind me she was a "person" before she had me. I think that got my mind going long before other people I know.

baybelle 4 years 21 weeks

My father was always my idol growing up - he still is in many ways, but I see his flaws now as well. My mother - she was always too emotional for me - still is, but I respect her for sticking in there when things were really rough and being a loving, caring and incredible mother to her three kids through it all. She had a seriously rough time with her in laws (and I am talking emotional abuse here) and I get upset that she did not stand up for herself sooner. I really respect my father for the man he is and all that he has accomplished, but I just cannot understand why he did not stand up for her (ever). I see their relationship as hopelessly flawed - many days they can't stand one another, but they can't do without one another. Still, the strength of their relationship has been the cornerstone of our lives and they have brought up three strong, level-headed kids, so they must have done loads right :-) But better than the whole perspective of them as people from the outside, my relationship with both of them is stronger than ever and is based on trust and respect both ways. Frankly, I'd walk through fire for them.

allesmogliche 4 years 22 weeks

Both of my parents have died, and looking back I not only see them differently, but I have realized what amazing parents they were. My mother and my father never gave me the idea that there was anything I couldn't do, and protected me from a great many things. I can only hope that when I have children, I can be as honest, loving and fun as both of my own parents. They never lied to me, though obviously there were some things that they didn't answer completely until I was older, and because they answered my questions on everything from why lightbulbs work to why people do evil things, I (and my brother as well) tend to be able to view the world more clearly than many people my age, and I question the status quo every day. Many parents I have known choose to protect their children by keeping them ignorant of things like war, crime and death. My parents took the time to explain reality to me in a way that was easily understood when I was a child. That is one of the things I admire most about them. Children cannot be entirely protected from the world, no matter what the parents try, and it's better that they learn of things like sexism, war, racism and intolerance from their parents than personal experience that could be avoided with knowledge.

unl07nn 4 years 26 weeks

I suppose I am beginning to understand my adopted mother a bit more. Throughout my life I resented and feared her. I was so angry at her for mistreating me and making me feel like I was nothing but dirt. But now that I am no longer living with her I am starting to forgive and desire to have a relationship with her. But she decided to cut all ties with me once I moved away for college. Sadly, I do not miss or feel like I lost anything because there was nothing between us to begin with.

Marni7 4 years 32 weeks

Yes! My boyfriend and i were actually just having this conversation..I see them more as human beings now, individuals that are HUMAN and make mistakes..I really didnt realize that just like me and everyone else they have pasts that shape their views and life I kinda just overlooked that ..well not overlooked but just never thought about it, or allowed myself to look at them in that light when I was younger..now i am in my 20's and I do feel like I get them..sorta lol

indieglam 4 years 32 weeks

Since I moved out a year ago I definitely see my parents differently and I think our relationship is actually better now than it was before. There's a lot less resentment and anger now. I was mildly aware of their flaws and personalities before and now everything is much more clear and I see them more as people than just my mom and dad. When I was 9, one of my younger brothers died from a brain tumor. That has been a major defining period in my life and I feel it made me grow up faster than some other kids my age. From then until about age 20, everything I did was based on how it would affect my parents because I didn't want them to ever experience the pain of losing another child. So as their oldest child I got the best grades I could, didn't stay out late, didn't get involved in alcohol or drugs during high school, and was just as well-behaved as I could be and did what I thought they wanted me to. What I didn't realize was how much of a strain it was living like a robot and that subconsciously I was becoming resentful of my parents. So I had a delayed rebellious teenager phase in my early twenties. Everything is better now and I've worked through a lot of the aforementioned issues on my own. It's been hard but I'm so grateful that all of this happened because I'm so much happier now than I've ever been. I don't think my parents know or realize all of this.

melizzle 4 years 32 weeks

Yup. My mom and stepdad have become good friends to my my husband and me. We can relate on a much different level than when I was younger.

Jinx 4 years 32 weeks

Yes I do, I have for some time, seen them as people, not just parents. It can be a rude awakening, but over time, I have learned alot, and realise why they are the way they are.

stargazer25 4 years 32 weeks

Now that I am in my mid-twenties, I see them more has human beings (the fact that we make mistakes are not perfect) and I wonder how they did it all (working, taking care of a home, raising kids, etc).

smileyface 4 years 32 weeks

When I was growing up I didn't have the best relationship with my parents, especially my father. But as I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate them and what they did for me and my sisters growing up. I still don't agree with some of what they do, but as I have gotten my own independence and my own life I have tried not to let it really effect me. I also used to be the kid who wanted her parents to split up, but they never did. Now their relationship has improved in some ways and it still kind of shocks me to see them talking to each other or being affectionate. I used to resent them for staying together, but somehow they managed to male it work so I don't really question why they stayed together too much anymore. As I continue to get older and my relationship with my mom changes I realize more and more that I am truly my mother's daughter, and I'm actually kind of ok with that. :)

Mesayme 4 years 32 weeks

Nope. They were irresponsible then and irresponsible now. My father's getting it together but then he didn't have to raise his three children nor make an effort with his grandchildren. Nothing but time on his hands. I respect the man he's become as a man, but in no way as a father. My mother's a disaster basically. I wish her the best of luck with her life but at this point no one can tell her anything she's worst than a teenager.

italianblonde 4 years 32 weeks

I used to think they were 'trying to ruin my life' and that whole thing for a little while when I was younger, around 12. But that went away quickly. After this terrible fight, I imagined what it would feel like to be a parent and hear my child say things to me that I said, and I felt terrible and tried so hard after that to not fight back. Also, my parents divorced when I was one so I grew up seeing their positives but also faults and negatives, which helped me see them as a whole person and accept their bad points, as I should. Also, my family is pretty open so I know all of their crazy stories from when they were my age. I guess I mostly always saw them as I do now...

omigosh 4 years 32 weeks

I do see now that every time I had a fight with my parents, they always had my best interest at heart. Still, I don't see them that differently, because my parents were never strict. I did not have a curfew, and was brought up with a lot of freedom. And I'm really glad about that because now I know that I am the way I am through self-discovery. Not that I was a wild teenager, on the contrary. Maybe my parents never had to be strict because I didn't want to stay out late, go to parties a lot, or spend a lot of money. But I'm still so grateful to them for giving me the space that I needed to develop and know that I'm able to set my own boundaries. It gives me a lot of confidence in myself.

lickety split 4 years 32 weeks

ummm, not really. i didn't get the things my mom did then, and i;m more baffled now that i have daughters, and feel the emotional attachment that just IS because the child is yours. i was talking to a friend today about this very thing. his mother and mine were very similar and our fathers didn't see things the way we did, more like what they wanted to see. so when we talk with our dads about our childhoods they are baffled; it's not their truth.

totygoliguez 4 years 32 weeks

My mom and I have always being very close, I understood her more as a person when she open up to me and told me about her child hood, and that made me love her even more because regardless the abuse she was victim of when she was a little girl she was the best mother someone can possibly ask for, and I'm very grateful that she didn't continue with the cycle. she is the only person that I ask for advice because I know that she would guyed me through the right path. She is my hero, my inspiration, my everything, and I love her to death.

lilwildone1202 4 years 32 weeks

i dont think i see them differently-- my parents were always 'upfront' with who they were when i was growing up- my mom has been one of my best friends since i was about 18 so... i do respect them a hell lot though..regardless

kia 4 years 32 weeks

Growing up my family went through some tragic circumstances that I unfortunately witnessed first hand. I always had some serious compassion for my parents and as a kid did what I could to stay out of their way and not be a bother. I view my mother the same as I did as a child. My perspective on my father has changed a little. He and I did a trip to his homeland that he had not visited in over 40 years... a lot came out about his family that I never met during that time and it just makes me want to tell my mother to STFU for how much she tried to make everything about her when I was younger. Like he never had a story or background. I am really irritated by that.

californiagirlx7 4 years 32 weeks

Well I used to resent my dad (sometimes) after my mom died because he jumped back on the dating scene so quickly and he got engaged twice in the past 7 years (although both of those fell through). However, I can see now that he really missed my mom and he just didn't want to be lonely anymore, but my mom set the bar high and none of these women have been able to exceed those expectations. Anyway, I am very proud though that my dad has raised three girls all by himself for the past seven years and has been able to deal with all of our teenage girl sh*t. It must not be easy and sometimes I don't give him enough credit...I mean he had to put up with the depression and anxiety issues that I faced after my mother's death, in adddition to my sisters' own disciplinary issues (although none of us have been bad kids, just going through some mild teenage rebellion). Not to mention the fact that we have been able to stay in the same house in the Bay Area that we have lived in my whole life despite the fact that this is a very expensive area to live in and my dad has wanted to move to a cheaper area (this was also only supposed to be our "starter home" but we never moved out)...he also allowed me to attend the private school of my choice for all four whole years of high school (which was over $10k a year, but my social security money from my mom's death partially paid for it), I got to go Europe for almost 2 weeks after high school graduation with some of my high school classmates, I was allowed to attend the local university (which my dad would paid for, as long as I would live at home to help take care of my sisters & the house). We also go on vacation to Disneyland every year, and we go all out on the hotels, restaurants, etc. My dad enjoys the trip as much as we do, which is nice to see because not every dad is like that. I also appreciate the fact that my parents were so over-protective. When I was younger, I did not like that they were over-protective, but it really allowed me to be a kid for as long as possible and I didn't have to grow up too fast.

GlowingMoon 4 years 32 weeks

I do. Unfortunately, overall, I consider them poor role models. If you knew my parents, you would understand. :) To me, they serve as warnings, not an inspiration. :)

ilanac13 4 years 32 weeks

well i think my mom and i have a newfound respect for one another, but i can't say that i really see her in any different light than i used to. she's always been more than just a mom for me since i've always seen how she's had to work to accomplish things and who she was separate from being just around myself and my brothers. my father is an entirely different story though. i've never had a relationship with him, so the way that i see him now is pretty much the only way that i've ever seen him.

kluster86 4 years 32 weeks

I realized that my mother was actually a person about a year ago lol. I think we tend to forget that at one point and time, our parents were our age, having fun, fucking up, dating, partying, etc. I also think that when we are younger, we also forget that our parents dont know how to be parents. They weren't born parents, so they cant be perfect all the time. My mother was a single mother and she raised two boys and a girl. I gave her hell for the first 18 years of my life, and it wasnt until i went off to college that i really appreciated her. I'm 21, no kids, not hooked on drugs, and on my way to Grad school all because of her. My perception of her has totally changed, and we're much closer than we used to be.

Shopaholichunny 4 years 32 weeks

Awwww! Heidi! :) Most def. My parents were always sooo strict on me when I was younger, they gave me curfews (when my other friends didn't have any) and they were always calling me to check up on me. I hated them for it and I always thought they were being too strict on me. But look at me now! I'm 21 in college full-time, work full-time and I have a GREAT boyfriend. I have now since found out that my friends back in high school got into drugs and some of them got pregnant early and now they have more than 1 kid. That is something that I did not want in my life to happen. I realize now that they did all that because they love me and they were trying to protect me. I appreciate them even more for it. They were strict on me because they cared. They wanted a better life for me and they could see through my friends for what they were when I couldn't. They protected me from teenage pregnancy and drugs. :woohoo:

HeidiMD 4 years 32 weeks

Each year that goes by, the more I respect I have my dad. He raised my brother and I as a single parent with not a lot of money and not much help from anyone else. I know that's not an uncommon story, but he was very good at putting on his brave face and his best foot forward for our sakes. It is only now, as an adult, that I realize how sad and overwhelmed and angry (at my mom) he must have been at times. To his credit, he did an amazing job, and he's an amazing guy who did a courageous thing, at least to me.

JaimeLeah526 4 years 32 weeks

Now they are just like any other adult I'd meet. I see their flaws and their strengths that I didn't see when I lived with them. That really happened when I was 17 and they were getting divorced.

allourregrets 4 years 32 weeks

Oh for sure. My mom raised 3 girls, all very close in age, by herself. When I was younger, I thought for sure she was doing everything in her power to make my life miserable. Now that Im older I realize how difficult it must have been to be a single mom of three teenage girls and we are much closer now.

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