Did We Have Sex Too Soon?

"I Haven't Heard From Him — Should I Leave It Alone?"

February 9, 2012

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been talking to a guy for about three months now. At first I wasn't looking for anything, I just wanted to go on a few dates with the guy. Sex was involved, but I inserted in my mind that I could not get attached because he had just got out of a long-term relationship as well. He is the second guy I've slept with ever and having sex just like that is something I never thought I was capable of but felt comfortable doing it with him. So after an amazing night, he was such a gentlemen and swooped me off my feet and then yes, we had sex.

The problem is, after this night I couldn't help but to fall for him. I guess I'm not capable of this friends with benefits ordeal. Now that I have let down my guard, the worst happened: He completely cut me off and now I'm crushed. Unless he is a great actor, it's safe to say he enjoyed that night as well. But now I'm crushed. He hasn't texted me in over 10 days and ignored me when I texted him yesterday morning. I have a billion thoughts going through my head as to where I went wrong other than having sex too soon. I know I have to move on but should I send him one last text to tell him how I feel or just leave it alone?

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9 Comments

testadura67 1 year

Leave it alone. Take the lesson that you're not a fwb kind of girl and move on. It hurts, I know, and it's a sucky situation. But if it's been almost 2 weeks and he can't be bothered to call you, then he's not someone who's going to be reliable in a relationship which is what it sounds like you want. If a man wants you, he'll find you. Doesn't sound like he's looking too hard. In the meantime, find something to take your mind off it or you'll obsess. That's never fun. Have some fantastically cliche slumber party with your girlfriends. Drink wine, cry, eat brownies. Then chin up and move on.

henna red 1 year

Yep, leave it alone. His ignoring you is the answer, he's not worth your time. Lots of gals can't do friends with benefits. Our bodies are designed to attach emotionaly to the men we sleep with. It's an old, evolutionary adaptation, designed to help insure a partner is around to help raise the kids. If you know that you're susceptible to strong emotion quickly, and feeling attached after sex, then be very careful to know the guy you're sleeping with before you do it. Casual sex isn't for everybody. Now you know it isn't for you. Sorry you had to have hurt feelings and disappointment to learn it. Time to leave it alone.

missmaryb 1 year

Agree with all the others. He was only after one thing, and you don't want/need a shallow guy like that anyway. There are plenty of guys out there who are real men and wouldn't have done what he did. Your time is better spent looking for a decent guy as opposed to pining for this one. I also vote for leaving it alone. His loss.

cutedez65 1 year

Chalk this up to a hard lesson learned and put it behind you. You've gotten emotionally attached because you gave too much; try to remember that if he ever attemps to booty call you. He hasnt attempted to contact you in 10 days, plus you texted him and he ignored you. That is your answer about whether or not you should pursue him or this relationship. Let him go, forgive youself, and date other people. It hurts now, but you will get past this.

JessicaM25 1 year

The more you continue to reach out the more you are going to feel shitty. I'm not trying to sound harsh but if he wanted you around, he would be around. With that, if you really want to send him a text or anything. I would just call him and say something really simple on how you were stopping by to say hi. If you can resist the urge then I would say that would be the best. GL.

rhiansarah 1 year

Just leave it alone, its safe to say he used you for a quick sex session. Learn from your mistakes and know that you can do better than someone like that. Delete his number so you can't text him! Xx

Raynne413 1 year

Definitely leave it alone.

kurniakasih 1 year

Leave it alone, sweetie. If he wants, he could contact you, but he chose not to, his action shows that he's not interested in pursuing anything serious. Good luck.

Pazuzu 1 year

Just leave it alone, I hate to say it but I think you were his rebound. You learned about yourself though and know casual sex is off the table, so from now on save sex for later in the relationship. I'm sorry you got hurt but you've just got to forget about him, move on and have fun. Don't text or call him.

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9 Comments