DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is It Possible to Love Someone Without Liking Him?


DearSugar and Completely Confused Constance need your help. She's been with her boyfriend for four years but her feelings are starting to change. She loves him, but she's not so sure she likes him anymore. They've been together for so long it seems like she's lost her clarity. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

Is it possible to love someone and no longer like them? I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years; we used to talk about marriage and children but for the past couple of months, I have been thinking that he may not be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I no longer have butterflies in my stomach when we talk and I don't even look forward to seeing him sometimes. He is the perfect guy in every way — he's loyal, honest, generous, and family oriented; however, there are a lot of things that I never noticed about him which are beginning to make me not even like him as a person anymore. He is very anti-social, he's moody, controlling and incredibly jealous.

At first I thought I could live like this, and just spend all my time with him, but I just can't. I miss my life, I miss hanging out with my friends and going out — I'm only 22! I feel like I'm being suffocated with no room to breathe. I have talked to him about the way I feel a billion times, and he always changes for a day or so and then goes right back to his old self. How can I share my life with someone who is not willing to change? I love him, but I no longer like the person he's become. It seems like I am growing everyday and he is still the same person I met four years ago with little to no improvements. I'm so confused because I truly believe that he is my soul mate, but I just wish we had met later on in life. I don't want to sit around to wait for him to change anymore. I guess my question is can people with such different values live happily ever after?

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