DearSugar and Distraught Debbie need your help. Her 28-year-old daughter is involved with a man with a shady past. Although she doesn't doubt his love for her, she's concerned for her future. Do you have any advice for this worried mom?
My daughter has been with her boyfriend for about three years — they are both 28 years old. When he was 17, he was charged with statutory rape (he was dating an underage girl) and he now has a sexual offense on his record. Although he loves her —who wouldn't? she's a beautiful person— I think he's been using her. She's a professional and he is still in school. He works odd jobs to make ends meet while he saves money for his education.
We are upper-middle class, and this has been extremely embarrassing for us. He's an OK guy, but he's very rough around the edges. He comes from a broken home, his mom has kids with three different men, and his dad was in prison. I could easily get past his upbringing, but it's the police record that's a concern. How do my husband and I get our daughter to understand that if she marries him, she'll be marrying his criminal record as well? She will also never be able to live in a "good neighborhood" because of his past mistakes. We don't want to be controlling parents, but we do want the best for our daughter, so what can we do or say to make her understand the severity of this situation?