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DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Prevent a Falling Out?


DearSugar and Ready For a Baby Betsy need your help. Her sister is unable to have kids and is now begrudging her because she and her husband have decided to start a family of their own. Though she's trying to be sensitive to her sister's misfortune, she doesn't feel that she should be punished for moving forward in her own life. Do you have any advice on how to prevent a falling out with her only sister?

Dear Sugar,

My sister is 12 years older than me and about a year ago, she found out that she will not be able to conceive. She and her husband have now started the adoption process. A few months ago she asked me whether my husband and I will start a family and I told her that we have decided to start trying within the next six months. She immediately turned nasty on me, told me that she cannot imagine me as a mother, asked me why I wanted children now since I had never wanted them before, and generally disrespected my lifestyle even though I don't drink, smoke and am very physically active. Since then she has become a nightmare to be around. She constantly makes references to ex boyfriends of mine in front of my husband, which thankfully doesn't really bother him, but I resent her doing it — she even whipped out photos of an ex of mine at dinner last week!

I know she is devastated about her situation but she has made it clear that I shouldn't even mention children to her. I would love her to have some part in this huge aspect of my life, but she's put up a wall that I can't seem to break down. I've tried talking to her nicely but she gets patronizing and nasty. I feel a real fall-out coming on so what can I do to prevent it? Will she ever be happy for me? I want my children to have a relationship with their aunt but I feel like she's going to always resent me for having my own kids. Do you have any words of wisdom for me?

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