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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is This a Deal Breaker?


DearSugar and Thrown For a Loop Laura need your help. Her new husband suddenly had a change of heart about his religious beliefs. While Laura loves him, she feels betrayed that he wasn't honest about his faith before they got married. They've already said "I Do" so it's too late to turn back now and Easter is tomorrow, so she needs some advice, fast!

Dear Sugar,

I am a newlywed and I find that everyday, I discover new things about my husband. For instance last night, we had a paradigm shifting fight that has changed the way I look at him. When I met him, he told me he was Catholic, like me. As we were preparing for marriage, I realized he didn't really know what Catholicism was, at all, not even really basic stuff like why we celebrate Easter. This was not a problem at the time because I figured we at least had similar beliefs about why we are here. However, last night it was revealed to me that he isn't even really Christian! He believes there could be Gods or one God, but that's about the extent of it.

Frankly I was shocked. This wouldn't be a big deal to me if it were anyone else. I respect the beliefs of others and I don't think of anyone as lesser for whatever they believe in, but since this is my husband, I feel betrayed that this wasn't discussed sooner — like before we got married! He says he respects my beliefs and if I want to say a prayer over dinner or go to church, he's OK with it, but he will never participate with me — ever. I love him, of course, but it makes me worried about what our future family would be like. Saying prayers over dinner and celebrating holidays for their religious significance has always been a big deal to me and my family. I never thought that once we were married, that I would have to celebrate my beliefs alone. What will it be like if I have a family one day? I feel sick just thinking about it. I guess the gist of it is that I feel spiritually betrayed and I don't know what to do. How do I reconcile my feelings about this?

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