Dear Poll: Are You Scared of Being Alone?

July 23, 2008

These days, if a woman admits to being sad about her single status or reveals that she's scared she might end up alone, she's suddenly considered needy or unempowered. Though we may not be rushing out to alert our friends of these thoughts for fear of judgment, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling a tinge of trepidation at the thought of being alone — it's totally normal for both genders to want companionship! So without worries of being labeled as something you're not, answer this: Are you scared of being alone?

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31 Comments

calli gurl 4 years 20 weeks

i know that i can get a guy anytime i want. im confident about myself. :)

looseseal 4 years 42 weeks

"These days, if a woman admits to being sad about her single status or reveals that she's scared she might end up alone, she's suddenly considered needy or unempowered"I'm not so sure this is true, Dearsugar. For as far back as can be recorded by history and in mainstream society to this day, it is considered the normal thing to want the company of someone else and be really sad when you don't have it. If you're happy about being alone, people still get all "what is wrong with you?" or "oh, you're just saying that." or "oh, this is just a case of sour grapes." or "OMG, you must be a unibomber!"Maybe the internets have more gatherings of people writing backlash against the centuries of bs that is the "humans are social animals, and if you're not social, you're not human" belief. But this is one of those things that's prevalent on the internet but is still "niche" in the real world.In the real world, I have never seen someone called "needy" or "unempowered" to their face over wanting to be with somebody. People are more prone to saying something to the effect of: "aw, don't worry, you'll find somebody!" Or at the most: "Enjoy yourself, it'll happen when it happens." Annoying sayings, sure, but they still validate the wanting of companionship. "Loners" can hope for no such validation most of the time. Hoping not to be considered a "freak of nature" may even be too much to hope for.I believe humans can have various levels of need for companionship, just like the way different people prefer different flavors of ice-cream.

looseseal 4 years 42 weeks

"These days, if a woman admits to being sad about her single status or reveals that she's scared she might end up alone, she's suddenly considered needy or unempowered" I'm not so sure this is true, Dearsugar. For as far back as can be recorded by history and in mainstream society to this day, it is considered the normal thing to want the company of someone else and be really sad when you don't have it. If you're happy about being alone, people still get all "what is wrong with you?" or "oh, you're just saying that." or "oh, this is just a case of sour grapes." or "OMG, you must be a unibomber!" Maybe the internets have more gatherings of people writing backlash against the centuries of bs that is the "humans are social animals, and if you're not social, you're not human" belief. But this is one of those things that's prevalent on the internet but is still "niche" in the real world. In the real world, I have never seen someone called "needy" or "unempowered" to their face over wanting to be with somebody. People are more prone to saying something to the effect of: "aw, don't worry, you'll find somebody!" Or at the most: "Enjoy yourself, it'll happen when it happens." Annoying sayings, sure, but they still validate the wanting of companionship. "Loners" can hope for no such validation most of the time. Hoping not to be considered a "freak of nature" may even be too much to hope for. I believe humans can have various levels of need for companionship, just like the way different people prefer different flavors of ice-cream.

Janine22 4 years 42 weeks

I have been with enough assholes to know that I would rather be alone than with some jerk who doesn't appreciate me.

hithatsmybike 4 years 42 weeks

in response to fluffyhelen: You actually think you "just can't" go to restaurants or movies or on vacations alone? I do all of the above pretty regularly -- I did when I was single and I do now when I'm in a committed relationship. It's good & healthy to spend time on your own.

hithatsmybike 4 years 42 weeks

in response to fluffyhelen:You actually think you "just can't" go to restaurants or movies or on vacations alone? I do all of the above pretty regularly -- I did when I was single and I do now when I'm in a committed relationship. It's good & healthy to spend time on your own.

Jinx 4 years 42 weeks

I left a long term relationship about a year ago, and I'm still digging being alone. When I'm old and gray, I hope I have some companionship, but for now it's cool.

Jude C 4 years 42 weeks

Nope. I enjoy my own company perfectly fine when I'm alone, and for a lot of reasons I think I might have preferred it if I hadn't found my love.

AyrtonSenna 4 years 42 weeks

Since I have essentially been alone for quite awhile, I am sick of it. Sure, I have lots of friends and interests and I can entertain myself, but there is just no substitute for having a woman you love to share it with. I would not say I am scared of being alone, I just don't want to be alone. For me, at least, it just gets depressing after awhile.

AyrtonSenna 4 years 42 weeks

c a t h 4 years 42 weeks

I think I might have the opposite problem. I am way to comfortable on my own...

joesbabygirl 4 years 42 weeks

Yes. Guilty! I'm terrified of being alone..

sc cutie 4 years 42 weeks

I'm not afraid of being alone, but I don't like it all the time. I'm self-employed and spend most of my time alone anyway, so sometimes it really does get to me.

leeluvfashion 4 years 42 weeks

Right now I'm fine with being alone however I wouldn't be as cool about it in a decade or so.

sparklestar 4 years 42 weeks

Who isn't afraid of dying alone? Jeez. Our society is tailored for couples. There are tons of things you just can't do when you are single... like go out to the cinema or to a restaurant. A lot of things just aren't available either like holidays away (who do you go with?) and you are less likely to get invited along with other couples to events.It's all well and good saying "I can invite my friends" but friends can be flakey and I've been let down more times by my friends than a boyfriend.I won't settle for anybody though. They have to be decent and polite and respect me. I've spent rather extended amounts of time being single and not been bothered by it. It was easier to do in University when I was surrounded by people but suddenly the "real world" feels very cold when you are on your own. ;pYes, I probably need therapy. Who doesn't?

sparklestar 4 years 42 weeks

Who isn't afraid of dying alone? Jeez. Our society is tailored for couples. There are tons of things you just can't do when you are single... like go out to the cinema or to a restaurant. A lot of things just aren't available either like holidays away (who do you go with?) and you are less likely to get invited along with other couples to events. It's all well and good saying "I can invite my friends" but friends can be flakey and I've been let down more times by my friends than a boyfriend. I won't settle for anybody though. They have to be decent and polite and respect me. I've spent rather extended amounts of time being single and not been bothered by it. It was easier to do in University when I was surrounded by people but suddenly the "real world" feels very cold when you are on your own. ;p Yes, I probably need therapy. Who doesn't?

quitecontrary 4 years 43 weeks

I was really happy being alone for a long time. I felt strong, secure and I really got to know myself as ME, not just as part of a couple. It was an amazing time in my life! Then, POOF!, out of nowhere (and certainly was not looking for love), I met my now husband!

italianblonde 4 years 43 weeks

Sometimes I am. But then I think of all the plus sides of being alone, and I am okay with it for awhile. Of course I want to have love in my life, but I think all of the negative relationships I go through or see other people go through have finally made me think that being okay is a great idea, haha...hopefully my mindset can be changed again.

Pumpkin08 4 years 43 weeks

I used to be afraid of being alone, and stayed in a really bad relationship for a long time. I finally broke it off, and realized I needed to focus on myself, my needs, meet my goals and do things I've always wanted to do that i couldn't do if I was with someone. I was sad in the begining for a while, but my confidence grew, and later realized i didn't need anyone. I am in a relationship again now, but am not afraid of being alone anymore.

hithatsmybike 4 years 43 weeks

No.I don't think my life would be any less fulfilling and enjoyable solo than attached. I'm in a loving relationship now that I expect will be long-lasting, but I would be equally content being single my whole life.

hithatsmybike 4 years 43 weeks

No. I don't think my life would be any less fulfilling and enjoyable solo than attached. I'm in a loving relationship now that I expect will be long-lasting, but I would be equally content being single my whole life.

Silverlining10 4 years 43 weeks

It doesn't bother me, now, but I think my life would be very empty if I ended up alone. I'm still young, but my greatest fear in life is not finding someone I truly love, and having that person truly love me back. It may be wrong, but I honestly think life is nothing without love.

bluestar 4 years 43 weeks

And I agree, dating does suck...weeding out the a#@holes is a chore!

bluestar 4 years 43 weeks

I enjoy my alone time and know I'm not ready for a relationship yet, but there are times when I freak out...it bugs me.

Le Luxe 4 years 43 weeks

No. Life is always changing and you will never be alone. Unless your evil of course, then you deserve to be alone I guess. I don't really know where that came from hahahaa

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