Dear Poll: Would You Let the Pressure Get to You?

April 17, 2008

So Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey haven't been together all that long, but the swirling pressure for them to get engaged is even felt by total strangers. I don't know if it's the media's perception that she's ready for him to get down on bended knee or if she's actually come right out and said it, but engagement pressure of any kind sure can put a serious strain on even the best relationship. No matter if the pestering is done in a supportive way — "You look so happy, it must be happening soon!" — it can still send anyone into a tailspin. I've never had to deal with relationship bullying, but have you? I guess what I want to know is, would you or have you ever let the pressure get to you?

Bauer-Griffin

29 Comments

lizlee89 4 years

I just hate that people (especially older family members and family friends) always try to drop these heavy-handed hits - this friend of my mom keeps doing that to my brother and his girlfriend, and I just think it's none of her business - you and your partner need to tune everybody out, take your time, and when you are ready you can enter into what is a very serious commitment...

keiraz 5 years

It has happened before and I'd just make them feel so dumb and idiotic, by jokingly saying things about how one should wait and not just rush and jump in etc..

kattie_kat 5 years

I think it gets worst if the couple has been together since school days. They've been together for so long, waiting for the engagement seems to take forever, especially for the girl I would think. It also doesn't help that finances are getting in the way of the engagement as both are just starting to work.

PinkNC 5 years

It sounds like Nick is the only one taking his time so that he can be sure. Maybe in his heart Nick needs to see or hear more out of Vanessa in order to make up his mind on if he’s hearing and seeing things in the right way, when it comes to the way that she does everything with & for him. You know sometimes marriages fail because during you’re dating you each pretend to be the person that the other wants you to be. And some people can pretend for years.Nick should not allow the pressure of Vanessa badgering him, or the media, make him feel as if he’s moving too slow. This is Nick’s life. Once Vanessa has children then Nick’s attached to her for life, and she seems like the kind of woman that would get pregnant ASAP without his consent.Now I believe that marriage is a bond of more than just togetherness. Two people can live in a house together for 20 years and honestly still be strangers to each other. At some point the acting has to stop. And you’re not living in a loving home....it’s just a lonely house. No laughter, no conversation, no warmth, no love, and/or you argue all the time. Now who in their right mind would allow too much badgering, to lead them to face that despair everyday?

PinkNC 5 years

It sounds like Nick is the only one taking his time so that he can be sure. Maybe in his heart Nick needs to see or hear more out of Vanessa in order to make up his mind on if he’s hearing and seeing things in the right way, when it comes to the way that she does everything with & for him. You know sometimes marriages fail because during you’re dating you each pretend to be the person that the other wants you to be. And some people can pretend for years. Nick should not allow the pressure of Vanessa badgering him, or the media, make him feel as if he’s moving too slow. This is Nick’s life. Once Vanessa has children then Nick’s attached to her for life, and she seems like the kind of woman that would get pregnant ASAP without his consent. Now I believe that marriage is a bond of more than just togetherness. Two people can live in a house together for 20 years and honestly still be strangers to each other. At some point the acting has to stop. And you’re not living in a loving home....it’s just a lonely house. No laughter, no conversation, no warmth, no love, and/or you argue all the time. Now who in their right mind would allow too much badgering, to lead them to face that despair everyday?

Silverlining10 5 years

Bettyesque, If I ever get badgered, I think I'll be a smart ass and use that line about the divorce. My boyfriend and I are too young to be badgered. I know for a fact that my mom won't badger me until I'm at least 25 and out of grad school with a good career, and my boyfriend's parents couldn't care less whether he ever gets married or not. And our friends are not ones to be giggly and bubbly, talking about marriage, so we're pretty safe, I think.

Silverlining10 5 years

Bettyesque, If I ever get badgered, I think I'll be a smart ass and use that line about the divorce.My boyfriend and I are too young to be badgered. I know for a fact that my mom won't badger me until I'm at least 25 and out of grad school with a good career, and my boyfriend's parents couldn't care less whether he ever gets married or not. And our friends are not ones to be giggly and bubbly, talking about marriage, so we're pretty safe, I think.

JaimeLeah526 5 years

If you let other's badger you into getting married or having kids than you're really not going to have a great relationship. It's going to be too much to live up to and you can't please everyone. Worry about you and him and no one else.

Bettyesque 5 years

Big ha ha ... people are dumb. I was telling my BF about this post last night and were laughing hysterically because it really is funny how this is like the ultimate goal for some. Sorry, but I love my BF to death like I said we are gonna be together but right now my focus is my education, my career and how Im going to change this world we live in. That to me is more important then open bar or not? Pink napkins or white ... and roses or lillies.

bigestivediscuit 5 years

Haha Bettyesque ... I don't mind when people joke, but once, this girl I hardly knew was like "So, when are you two getting married and where do you think you'll have the wedding?" I was like, "Um, excuse me? Not any time soon." And she was completely shocked by my answer and asked, "You mean you DON'T want to get married???" Unnnghghghghghghg leave me alone!!!!!!

lickety split 5 years

seems like these 2 have been together for longer than he and whats her name.

mel15brk 5 years

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we get pressure from family and friends all the time. It's not that we aren't ready, we just aren't in the right place, money wise, right now. At first it really bugged me when everyone would ask me when we're getting married but now I just ignore it. Honestly, we'll do it when we're ready and they'll just have to wait. :)

Bettyesque 5 years

Ugh, let me tell you. Seems like everywhere I go Im or we are asked "So when you getting married" After a while its gets really annoying. I am so tired of it. We love our lives, we are so happy and right now everything is the way it should be ... eventhough its not what society considers the norm. But who cares! I hate to say it but its just a piece of paper it does not determine the strength of your relationship. I think the next time someone asks, Im gonna say .. I dont know .. when are you getting divorced? :rotfl:

Bettyesque 5 years

Ugh, let me tell you. Seems like everywhere I go Im or we are asked "So when you getting married" After a while its gets really annoying. I am so tired of it. We love our lives, we are so happy and right now everything is the way it should be ... eventhough its not what society considers the norm. But who cares! I hate to say it but its just a piece of paper it does not determine the strength of your relationship.I think the next time someone asks, Im gonna say .. I dont know .. when are you getting divorced? :rotfl:

aimeeb 5 years

rpenner so true!

aimeeb 5 years

rpenner so true!

Renees3 5 years

Both our families are pretty cool, although our aging grandparents ask about it. I do want to get engaged soon, we've been together over 4 years. It has nothing to do with outside pressures, it's just the next step in our relationship

BeautyXRush 5 years

He seems to be over her anyways, I can tell by the look on his face lol.

BeautyXRush 5 years

No, I don't care about people pressuring me to do something. I do it when the time is right for me. I think Nick is just apprehensive about marrying anytime soon. Which is understandable.

lily3484 5 years

My bf and I have been together a long time. Honestly, I am so happy with the place we are in now that I dont feel its completly necessary to be married. I am entering a new career and he recently started his. We are focusing on preparing to be in a place where marriage is the next step. Weddings are so expensive and take a lot of time to plan. I am satisfied knowing that I am in the right place. My family brings it up occasionally at family functions or on holidays but we just assure them that it will happen at the right time and the right time is not now.

rpenner 5 years

Me and the BF are constantly baggered by people about when we're going to get married. We've lived together for a few years and some people, mostly family, just can't grasp why wouldn't have gotten married by now. I really have to work at not letting it get to me. It gets really frustrating that people think they know more about what's right for your relationship than you do.

Merlin713 5 years

The pressure for me and my boyfriend to get engaged is intense. We are going to do things when we are ready, and some family members (on both sides) are just crazy about it.

romes 5 years

I think they are taking their time. Nick dated his first girlfriend 8 years and dated Jessica 4 years before they got married. I don't think he's in a rush. I like her and they have the same birthday.

injustica 5 years

I have never felt any pressure from others to get engaged. Maybe it's because my boyfriend and I are so young -- only twenty years old. But I'm putting a strange kind of pressure on myself lately. I REALLY want to be married. Or even just engaged. And not so that I can brag about my ring or my fiance, but because I want it to be public and official that I'm going to marry this man. I'm so excited and happy about where my life is going, and where our lives together are going, that I'm worried I may be putting pressure on my boyfriend to propose perhaps sooner than he would like to. He's stubborn enough though, he'll wait until he is ready I suppose.

Kristinh1012 5 years

For the life of me I can NOT figure out why anyone would ever feel they should give an opinion or ask when or why regarding engagement or marriage. I think it's rude and ignorant. I've had total strangers ask why me and my BF are not married. I can't stand it. Especially when it's a personal choice we decided on and I've had people argue with me about it! Like WTF!??! WHO are YOU?

Link Love

29 Comments