Dear Poll: When It Comes to Men, Do You Warn Your Friends?

April 21, 2008

If you’re like me, you’re often torn between supporting your friends and wanting to stop them from making bad decisions. It’s a tricky line to walk, especially when it comes to the new men in their lives. I always try to give every guy the benefit of the doubt, but if he starts to rub me the wrong way, I often find myself debating about whether to keep my mouth shut or say something to my friend before the “just dating” window closes. Do you warn a friend if you think her guy might be trouble?

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21 Comments

JaimeLeah526 5 years 4 weeks

If I know for a fact that the guy is trouble. I'm trying to butt out and live my own life. It's hard to see people make mistakes but I've learned that they're going to do it whether you warn them or not. At least you'll still have a friend when their relationship ends.

mia804c 5 years 4 weeks

Yeah, I used to speak up, but my friends (and myself) typically hear what they want to no matter what anyone tells them.

LaLaLaurie06 5 years 4 weeks

they don't always listen, though

lickety split 5 years 4 weeks

yes i speak up, man or woman. anyone noticed that people pick basically the same person over-and-over-and-over again? different hair or car or job, but the personalities and the issues are the same. if you're use to something it draws you like a magnet no matter how unhealthy it is for you, you know how to respond.

Random 5 years 4 weeks

Sometimes I will, but I'm pretty careful about it. My sister's dating a guy that no one in the family likes, and she refuses to talk about it. Or about the bf in general. Whenever they go somewhere, it's in her car, on her gas, even when it's his idea to go, and he has his own vehicle. He's never made any attempt to try to get to know the family; he clams up whenever he's around us, will leave early, and the first time he was over for dinner, he literally stood up as he was still finishing chewing and said, "I'm taking her car to see a friend of mine." He didn't say thank-you, offer to help with anything, or even stay for dessert. And now Mom and I are worried that he's talking her out of becoming a pilot, something she's always wanted. However, to try to talk to her about is ends in a fight where we don't speak for days, so I've gotten really careful about what I say. Other than that, I haven't really had the reason to warn a friend about a guy.

Random 5 years 4 weeks

kh61582 5 years 4 weeks

My best friend since I was 7 has the absolute WORST taste in men. She's had 3 serious relationships since I've known her. She's also one of those girls who seems to forget she has friends as soon as she starts dating a guy. Her dependency issues are intense. I'm talking even after years of dating a guy she still doesn't have any time for her friends, which is why I am the only friend of hers that still talks to her. Boyfriend #1 was a total jerk. He was mean and insulting to everyone. I told her numerous times during their relationship that I thought he was a jerk and she always made excuses like "Oh he just has low self-esteem." Of course once they broke up her reasoning was that he was a jerk to her and always told her she was stupid. Boyfriend #2 was the guy she cheated on Boyfriend @1 with. At first I thought they were perfect together. Then it turned out he had a drug habit that was costing him hundreds of dollars a week. Of course knowing that she figured that the next move was naturally to merge their bank accounts. I don't even need to explain what happened there. On top of all that she thought he was too clingy. So they break up and she plays around casually for awhile. Now we have Boyfriend #3. He's married. They began their relationship less than a week after his wife moved out. Also he's a Satanist! For months he goes back and forth between deciding to end his marriage and giving her another chance. He keeps my friend at an arms length but keeps her just close enough to play with her head. After 8 months of this she tells me that she's thinking seriously about ending it. This was the point where I was finding out all these horrible things about him and I wanted to say something but I figured that she was coming to her senses on her own so there was no need. I wish to God I had said something, ANYTHING. A few weeks later, she calls me up and tells me she's pregnant! Not only that but she's happy about the situation. She's had the baby and I'm still convinced that in a few months he's going back to his wife with the baby he and his wife always wanted. She wasn't even useing birth control and I'm also convinced that he talked her into that. When I went to their house to see the baby he has posters of skeletons all over their living room and Gothic knives on their coffee table. I realize that's a long narrative but my point is, had I maybe said something and made her understand the dangers of a situation like this then maybe she wouldn't be where she is now. She seems to have ruined her life and brought a baby into an unstable environment and a lot of that is due to stupidity on her part but as her friend it was my job to at least warm her and I didn't. I'll always regret that.

jennjennnbubba 5 years 4 weeks

I like to think that I have the ability to <em>read</em> people and I will voice my opinion on a man if I think he is up to no good but my friends rarely listen and end up finding out own their own.

jennjennnbubba 5 years 4 weeks

I like to think that I have the ability to read people and I will voice my opinion on a man if I think he is up to no good but my friends rarely listen and end up finding out own their own.

Stacey Cakes 5 years 4 weeks

No way... it always leads to trouble and unnecessary drama ... plus as soon as you tell a girl to stay away from a guy, he becomes irresistible to her.

emalove 5 years 4 weeks

I would definitely speak up if I thought the guy was questionable...but I'd do it in a way that wouldn't put my friend on the defensive.

Merlin713 5 years 4 weeks

I haven't been wrong yet. My friends seem to pick the worst men.

Merlin713 5 years 4 weeks

I haven't been wrong yet.My friends seem to pick the worst men.

rpenner 5 years 4 weeks

If I just don't like the guy, than I never say anything and I usually won't say anything if I'm just feeling like something is off with the guy, but if I know for a fact the guy is a shady character I will always say something. Even if it causes an arguement. At least I warned her. Cause like omilawd said, they always regret not listening to me.

BlueKitten 5 years 4 weeks

I've learned the hard way that speaking up usually does more harm than good. The friend almost always takes the boyfriend's side and gets pissy that anyone tried to rain on her happiness. Unless it's an abusive situation, I keep my mouth shut.

brittanyk 5 years 4 weeks

It depends, if a guy is just rubbing me the wrong way because of personality, then I really won't say anything, but if a guy is obviously using a friend or something like that, then I will say something.

BeautyXRush 5 years 4 weeks

I try to, but I mostly just keep it to myself. I will only say something if my friend is in an abusive relationship.

Muirnea 5 years 4 weeks

I'm with omilawd, I usually speak up, but it doesn't ever make the friend change anything...and then they will end contact/relationship/etc. with the guy and be like "i know i know, you were right" haha. Oh well, I think people do have to learn for themselves, but that doesn't stop me from trying to help, lol.

omilawd 5 years 4 weeks

I always speak up, but I always end up regretting it, because it just causes arguments.But EVERY TIME, said friend will break up with said guy and will regret not listening to me. EVERY TIME.

omilawd 5 years 4 weeks

I always speak up, but I always end up regretting it, because it just causes arguments. But EVERY TIME, said friend will break up with said guy and will regret not listening to me. EVERY TIME.