Dear Poll: Does High Self-Esteem Equate Cockiness?

November 6, 2008

Last week I asked you to tell me if you have high self-esteem, and some of you that answered yes feel as though your confidence is easily confused with cockiness. I think that's a common misconception — that just because you're sure of yourself you're automatically arrogant or rude, when in fact, those two characteristics are completely different. So to all of you self-assured women out there, tell me, is your confidence often confused with cockiness?

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30 Comments

calli gurl 4 years 21 weeks

im pretty confident and i have a high self-esteem too. people tell me that im strong and that nobody can do just anything to me. they never called me arrogant or snobby or cocky. though i must say, i joke a lot, sarcastically. it does offend a few people

RaCheer 4 years 28 weeks

I am rather confident and have high self-esteem. I've had people tell me after they've gotten to know me that I came off as snobby and full of myself when they met me. Not the case at all!!!

sparklestar 4 years 28 weeks

It depends. You can have self esteem and not be a bitch but a lot of people who have it sadly are.

ilanac13 4 years 28 weeks

well i have been told at times that i come off differently than i think that i do. personally i don't think that i have a lot of self esteem...i get very self conscious about a lot of things, but the topics that i'm sure about i've been told that i've come off a bit like a know it all.

smartgirl77 4 years 28 weeks

People who are cocky are people with low self-esteem. They tend to look down on other people because it covers their insecurity. When they feel someone is better than them they then focus on their weakness. A person with high self-esteem feel good about their self and spread their goodness to others.

Muirnea 4 years 28 weeks

Those are completely different things. Cocky people usually have low self-esteem, hence the cockiness, they overdo it to compensate. And people with true high self-esteem don't act cocky at all, they just act natural and are comfortable and they send vibes of "comfortable-ness" out, so they make other people feel more comfortable and open.

kiwitwist 4 years 28 weeks

i am very insecure... but like others have said, ppl always think I am intimidating or a bitch before they get to know me. But they quickly change their tune. :-) Thank goodness.

LoveSarah 4 years 28 weeks

All my friends that are girls said when they first met me they were sure I was going to be a total bitch. Which, I don't understand because I am very friendly and laugh a lot. But, I am confident and sure about myself, so they just figured I would be cocky and bitchy. Obviously I'm not since I am friends with them now, lol :D

jazzytummy 4 years 28 weeks

Danz and Sun- I would have to say I have heard that I am intimidating since I was in high school.. am I bit older than most of the posters here, but have to say, I still hear it, mainly from female friends who tell me that I am wonderful (true friends!), but that my professional achievements may intimidate a great deal of men. It is frustrating....why should we as women be considered intimidating just because we have the same brainpower, accomplishments, and ambition as men? Just because I am successful doesn't mean I am a ballbuster... just looking for love like the rest of you! The man I most recently loved was not highly educated, but an incredibly talented, but broke musician...I had so much admiration, love and respect for him, though, it didn't matter. Friends told me my professional achievements may have been tough for him, which is why he pushed me away. Either way, a frustrating thing...I guess I have to keep looking for the guy that is psyched to have a successful woman at his side. Hard, though, because the heart wants what it wants, and I have never been one to look at who is "good on paper".

Mesayme 4 years 28 weeks

Vanilla J... I know one the same way...only she's obsessed with her body staying toned and tanned because she knows her face is horrendous. She also sleeps around with whoever will sleep with her...just to feel worthy. Shame.

Vaadsfweytes 4 years 28 weeks

I know this girl who is overweight, has no class, and has no manner. Who thinks of herself so highly, and when you get to that point, it is more like a denial.

Mesayme 4 years 28 weeks

My self esteem only turns to bitchiness when I truly don't like someone. I don't think I become cocky as I express most thoughts through humor and sarcasm and not so much self promotion.

quitecontrary 4 years 28 weeks

Real, honest confidence should NEVER be cocky or arrogant. Cockiness is almost always overcompensation or nervousness.

myystque 4 years 28 weeks

In high school, I was more introverted and shy than I am now, and the other girls at my work thought I was stuck up because I didn't say much.

Sun_Sun 4 years 28 weeks

i've got the intimidating thing too :S thats the last adjective i'd use to describe myself

Jude C 4 years 28 weeks

danzerdrea7, me too.

danzerdrea7 4 years 28 weeks

i know people who are cocky who are seriously insecure. i am very confident i try not to be cocky. i have had some people call me intimidating though. has anyone else had this problem?

Sun_Sun 4 years 28 weeks

although insecurity usually leads to cockiness, oftentimes high self esteem causes it too. i can be confused as a cocky person at first glance, but as soon as people get to know me, they know that is sooo far from the truth. i've actually been accused of being too humble for my own good :P

356UIK 4 years 28 weeks

Confidence does not always equal cockiness, and vice versa I have found :)

missyd 4 years 28 weeks

My boyfriend has high self esteem and it clearly comes across as cocky alot of the time. I try to tell him about it, but he doesnt see it. Sometimes it makes him sound like a total dick

Jude C 4 years 28 weeks

People who are "cocky"--arrogant, rude, abrasive, and determined to show off how much better than everyone else they are--aren't self-confident. They're insecure; that's why they go to such lengths to prove themselves. Real self-confidence is quieter. If you're sure of yourself, you don't need to prove it at every turn.

pumpkinsugar70 4 years 28 weeks

In my experience, often the people that deny that they are cocky are typically the most cocky, whether they rate themselves as having high self-esteem or low self-esteem.

Renee3327 4 years 28 weeks

I've been told I'm very confident but never arrogant or cocky. Cockiness always reads to me as insecurity, not confidence at all. The people that exude the most confidence are always the ones that believe in themselves and their capabilities but know how to present that in a way that doesn't isolate others.

aprilmayjune4 4 years 28 weeks

I notice that the people who are the first to call someone a name are almost always insecure.

austerity 4 years 28 weeks

Though they are not the same, they can of course get confused. I get mistaken for cocky too. I'll admit I am sometimes, but I even get mistaken when I'm just 'normally' confident.

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