Dear Poll: Do you Want him to Ask for your Hand?

August 9, 2007

When it comes to weddings and engagements, I am extremely old fashioned. One of my closest girlfriends got engaged over the weekend after hearing the engagement story, we found out that the ring had been burning a hole through his pocket because he was having a hard time tracking down her dad so they could have "the talk." The sly guy that he is was finally able to ask his permission to marry his daughter, but his persistence got me thinking about the importance of engagement tradition. While it will be immensely important to me that my boyfriend asks my father for my hand before asking me, how do you feel? Would you be upset and disappointed if your boyfriend didn't?

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71 Comments

calli gurl 4 years 41 weeks

i really cant marry a guy if my dad aint alright with it. its in my religion that i would need my dads permission. but luckily, i do have my dads permission for my marriage already

quietone84 5 years 36 weeks

No, it's my decision thank you very much. I think both of my parents would be flabbergasted if someone did. Except probably not by my current boyfriend. It would be somewhat fitting to his manner.

BDH813 5 years 37 weeks

Hy Dh did ask for my hand, and that was the only thing I asked. That was actually the first thing out of my mouth...."Did you ask my dad?" and then I said yes!

missro21 5 years 38 weeks

I would prefer that he asked however, if he could not find my parent's information or if they per chance have not been introduced properly, I would hope he asked and then ask after the proposal explaining he wished he could have done it before.

Green 5 years 38 weeks

He should ask both but if he doesn't that's fine too.

Jeng112 5 years 39 weeks

Ummm... I'm pretty sure that would offend me. Two men deciding the fate of a woman before she's even let in on the question. sounds pretty archaic to me.

heineken67 5 years 39 weeks

My father had to meet and approve every boyfriend before I was allowed to date him, and has explicitly mentioned multiple times that he will require my future husband to ask for my hand first. While I consider myself to be very independent and my father to be painfully old fashioned (and rather sexist), I can't help but want there to be peace between him and my husband. I would likely say "yes" regardless, but I would rather not have my father angry and heartbroken. I know my father will never consider any man "good enough," but I hope that the action of asking for my hand would make things a little smoother.

melda 5 years 39 weeks

i even didnt understand this poll sorry :)

estoiles 5 years 40 weeks

my dad is emotionally abusive and we don't speak to him. so, the only person he would ask would be my mom, but she already told him he's like her son anyway so no big deal there.

kythera 5 years 40 weeks

My fiance hasn't met my father. He never had that talk with me. But my sister's husband asked my dad. I don't care whether he has our blessing or not, I am a grown woman and have been on my own for a while.

jennlgrube 5 years 40 weeks

I definitely want my future fiance to ask BOTH my mom and dad for my hand before he asks me! As old-fashioned as it may be, it still shows respect and honor to my parents. And if a guy doesn't respect and honor my parents, he doesn't respect and honor me!

avocado_seed 5 years 40 weeks

Ha. My parents seem pretty picky about what kind of guy I end up with, so unless he meets their expectations, I don't think I want my future fiance to go up to my dad and ask him. Their ideas of who I should be with and my own ideals about a guy are not the same! I don't think I should have "permission" to marry...

maggieNZ 5 years 40 weeks

I'd be pretty annoyed if my Dad knew I was getting married before me! Plus, I do think it's pretty sexist, so I'd actually be insulted if he did ask "permission" first.

Stella 5 years 40 weeks

I wouldn't care either way.

Stella 5 years 40 weeks

I wouldn't care either way.

smp7328 5 years 40 weeks

I don't think that it is a "must" but i think it would be a nice gesture.

rain1983 5 years 40 weeks

When my fiance proposed, he wanted to ask my dad's permission first. My best friend chided that this was the twenty-first century and that asking my father would be a misogynistic gesture. I, on the other hand, felt that it was sweet and respectful. My parents and I are both assured of my idependance; if my father had said no, I would have questioned him regarding such an unexpected response (you should never accept a proposal that you think your parents would disagree with for some logical reason) and, if I thought he was in the wrong, I would have married my fiance anyway.

remedios 5 years 40 weeks

I would have been offended if he did ask. I'm not my father's property.

valepere 5 years 40 weeks

Well, he should ask me first and then I tell my parents, and theeeeen, we can all sit and talk about it.

Chica8a 5 years 40 weeks

Me and my boyfriend have had this talk so many many many times, I would like him to talk to both my dad and mom! but if he doesnt i would understand, times have changed now. But its super sweet to do that in my opinion. :)

Chica8a 5 years 40 weeks

Historygal3 5 years 40 weeks

My parents would not see someone asking for permission or their blessing as respectful, in fact they would have seen it as the exact opposite. My husband did not even tell my parents he was going to propose and they were still excited beyond belief.

trendyindc 5 years 40 weeks

Other - I think the guy should go to BOTH parents out of respect and say that he'd like THEIR blessing.

amanda02215 5 years 40 weeks

I'm my dad's only daughter. While I know that he doesn't feel that he 'owns' me, I know he would want my boyfriend to ask for my hand, just so that he could be involved. We're very, very close, and I think he'd feel left out if he wasn't in on the secret!

reese05 5 years 40 weeks

He can ask them and we can tell our parents together!

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