Dear Poll: A Bun in the Oven?

March 15, 2007

I'm feeling extra warm & fuzzy about puppies and babies this week. It comes in waves every now and again, and my usual fondness for them doubles or triples overnight. Maybe this has something to do with shopping for baby clothes this past weekend? A good friend of mine just had a baby girl, and I spent Saturday touching teeny tiny socks, shoes and onesies.

I'm wondering how many of you ladies are pregnant right now, and how the rest of you are thinking about the baby question. And that's what a poll is for! I'm hoping you'll share your 'status' with me, ladies!

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34 Comments

aprilann 5 years 38 weeks

It's true, we each have our "magic age" when we consider starting a family, and that's a valid personal decision. But biologically, the longer we wait, the harder it is. I've read studies that show that a woman's fertility takes a nosedive at 27! So many of my friends in their early 30s are having problems getting pregnant and staying pregnant, it's scary. It took my husband and I two years to conceive our first baby, and I was 25 when we started trying. Also, the physical strain of chasing after and just raising your kids only gets harder the older you are. In hindsight, I wish we had started earlier.

JustMe21 6 years 8 weeks

We're waiting a little bit longer but hopefully within the next year we will be expecting :-)

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

Last comment on this topic (I hope!). I think that 35 is just the number they consider to be AMA (Advanced Maternal Age). All it means is that there are increased risks due to age of eggs, but despite that, the majority of the pregnancies are totally healthy with no problems. Typically AMA patients will have additional genetic testing or receive genetic counseling to help mitigate any risks. But so many women these days aren't even getting started on kids until their mid 30s and are able to have healthy families! Good news for those who want to wait :)

xchelseax 6 years 9 weeks

well i am only 17 so i dont plan on having one anytime soon but if it does happen then i will kepp it. but my friend is 6 mnths pregnant and ever since she told me about it have been seeing babies everywhere and looking at baby cloths which makes me want to have one but i no im not ready yet

gossipqueen 6 years 9 weeks

I would LOVE to have a baby with my husband...but our economic situation right now is not the best. We are making progress...and hopefully my health problems (i might not be able to have kids)...will not stop my dream. :(

Masqueraded_Angel 6 years 9 weeks

Y'know...I had my son at 19 years of age. He is now 4 years old, and I was married at 22 and am now going to turn 24. I am also going to school at night and working part time. I do think that Katie's comment was a little ignorant, but that's besides the point. My professor in my Early Childhood Development class is now saying that any woman over 35 will most likely not have a successful pregnancy, because of the age of her eggs. In that case, why not get the pregnancies done early, and then you don't have to worry about it? :D

honeysugar28 6 years 9 weeks

Popgoestheworld I'm sorry for bringing up your old posts I was not trying to use it as ammunition. I just felt it wasn't fair that Katie was being called out for posting her personal opinion when we all do the same thing but I think I may have been too hard on you. Again I apologize.

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

Katie - I read your statement as written, that 22 "is not just too young for you, [you think] it is too young for anyone." So that is what I was basing my comments on. As stated, I truly didn't mean to turn this into anything personal. I simply felt that the statements made were judgments, that is all. From reading your later posts, I understand that it isn't exactly what you intended to say. So my apologies if you felt I took what you wrote too literally. I was not attempting to misrepresent your comment. HoneySugar, I'm not sure what to say. The comment you are referring to was prefaced by me saying: "I don't mean this in an unkind way..." and was embedded within a larger context. The part you excerpted wasn't representative. I'm not sure why you felt you had to go through my old comments as some kind of ammunition for this discussion. I apologize if I somehow offended you.

Escape 6 years 9 weeks

By the way Kate22 - some of us are old fashion and WANT families. That was rude for you to say 22 is too young for everyone. I guess it is because some of your generation is very immature and raised without much responsibility. No way would I want to wait until my late 20s. I want to enjoy my daughter as long as I can. The time you wait to have them is years you can't get back. ~~~ Niki ~~~

honeysugar28 6 years 9 weeks

Popgoestheworld I did not put words in your mouth if you read my post again you would see that I was talking about 2 different comments where one girl wrote that she had low self esteem and to be precise you said she was self-absorbed not self centered but here's the link if you forgot about it. http://dearsugar.com/100886 All I'm saying is we all have the right to express our opinion and Katie was just doing that she may not have said it in the way that you like sometimes our thoughts don't come out perfectly but I understood her point and she kept saying over and over she wasn't trying to be judgemental its was just her opnion.

katie225 6 years 9 weeks

and i don't mean to make blanket statements that are supposed to hold true for every person in the entire world that is at the age of 22. i apologize if my comment came off like that. sometimes i say "everyone," "anyone," "everything" or whatever and actually don't mean every person ever (this is very common on these pages! lol). i usually mean *generally*. it is generally true for the majority of young women out there that 22 is too young to have kids. not for everyone. but for most people. it is my opinion that women should wait to have kids until they're older. and the "right" age for each woman is different, of course, but generally it's not 22. for me, it'll probably be 25 or 26, simply because that's when i plan on finally buying a house. i think that most mothers would tell their daughters that 22 isn't the right time yet, most of the time.

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

HoneySugar, if you read what I wrote about the book-lover, nowhere in my comment did I say that she was "too self-centered and only cared about herself." Please do not put words into my mouth. By doing that you are making this a personal attack and not a legitimate discussion about an interesting topic. Nowhere have I personally attacked either you or Katie. I may be disagreeing with what has been set forth, but that is different than playing games with words. Katie brought her mother into the discussion as her example of why she felt 22 was too young to have kids. All I said was that it wasn't right to say that people "should" do something based on one personal experience. All opinions are not judgments. I have the opinion that waiting until you are a bit older to have kids is a good idea. This whole discussion started when Katie asserted that 22 wasn't just too young for her, it was too young for everyone. Nowhere did she say she thought people who did that were horrible. Nowhere did I say Katie was horrible for what she wrote. That isn't what this is about. The difference, and what I take issue with, is the idea that what is right for one person, is right for everyone. To me, that is the difference between and opinion and a judgment. I apologize if any of this came off as a personal attack. I have nothing against Katie or anyone else on the site for that matter. Given the nature of the hot topics and controversies inherent in these posts, it's likely that we won't always agree. I fully respect Katie's and you opinion that 22 is too young, as I hope you respect mine, that each person's "too young" can be a different number than 22.

emisaurusrex 6 years 9 weeks

We're not ready for kids right now. Someday we will either have some of our own or adopt... or both.

LizaToad 6 years 9 weeks

my mom had me at 18 and my sister at 19... this didn't stop her from having an AMAZING career and being a spectacular mom at the same time. BUT, my bf and i are both 24 now and even though we have been living together for 3 yrs and are very stable financially, we both agree that we're too immature to have kids just yet... so, i really think it's a completely individual thing... there is no 'right time' that works accross the board for everyone...

honeysugar28 6 years 9 weeks

Popgoestheworld Katie was just expressing her opinion just like yesterday when you said the girl that's being teased for reading was rude for reading in front of others or when you said the girl with low self esteem was too self centered and only cared about herself, that's just your opinion. I don't think is right for you to bring her mother into this.

Deba 6 years 9 weeks

we want to do things before committing to a baby

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

No one is giving you a hard time for encouraging women to be educated. The point is that you said they "should be doing" x, y, and z. And yeah, you made a blanket statement about 22 being too young for everyone, not just for you. I'm not trying to attack, but I feel like you are basically telling people out there who had kids at a young age that they should have focused on other things before having children. That's just not right for everyone. I'm sorry your mother regrets her loss of freedom by having kids at a young age, but that experience alone doesn't merit judgment.

honeysugar28 6 years 9 weeks

Katie I don't think you're being judgemental I actually think its very wise to wait and have some life experience. Life is not about partying from age 17-19 there's so much to experience and learn specially in your early 20's when you're a young adult not to mention career wise. Its a very personal choice you should have a baby when you're ready and different women are ready at different stages in their life but I don't think that telling someone to wait a few years and live your life a bit is bad advice.

katie225 6 years 9 weeks

just because you value having kids doesn't mean you have to do it at a young age. i value kids more than having an education or traveling, personally. if someone said that if i got an education, i wouldn't be able to have children ever, then i would have had kids instead. that doesn't mean i want to do it when i'm too young. generally, for the majority of women out there (and of course, there are always exceptions), 22 is too young. i'm not being judgmental. i don't think that every woman who has a baby at 22 or younger is the worst person in the world. absolutely not. i just think that for most women, having a baby at a young age isn't the wisest decision. wow, i had no idea that encouraging women to be educated, have a career, be independent, and try to travel (i know that one's hard, i haven't been able to do it yet!) would be such an issue.

LEX0 6 years 9 weeks

YES KATIE IS BEING T0TALLY JUDGEMENTAL, S0ME PE0PLE D0NT LIKE T0 G0 0UT & PARTY, S0ME 0F US HAVE LIVED 0UR PARTYING LIVES WHEN WE WERE 17-19! I W0ULDNT MIND HAVING A BABY & IM 20, BECUZ I'VE LIVED MY PARTYING LIFE, AS FAR AS TRAVELING... WHY N0T BRING BABY AL0NG AFTER A YEAR 0R TW0? & SCH00L SH0ULDNT INTEFERE THAT MUCH! IT ALL JUST DEPENDS 0N WHERE Y0U ARE IN LIFE...

lemuse20 6 years 9 weeks

I'm 20, and I have 2 friends, ages 20 and 22, got married just recently and one them already has a little kiddo. I think it's a personal choice on whether or not the person WANTS to have children and is ready to devote at least 18 years of their life to someone else. It's not the matter of being too young, but being ready and willing.

nicachica 6 years 9 weeks

honestly, i wouldn't mind having a baby if i got pregnant tomorrow (i'm 24) since i truly love my boyfriend and know we could make it work but it's not at the top of my list for "things i want to do now." but definitely, i want to have kids in the next few years. somehow, being with the right man just makes me want to have babies!

honeysugar28 6 years 9 weeks

My husband and I are trying to have a baby now I'm 28 he's 29 and even though we're having difficulty getting pregnant we both agree that earlier in our marriage or even 2 years ago we were not ready financially, emotionally, just not ready to handle parenthood. I'm glad we've waited I just hope we don't have to wait much longer because we're ready now. LOL

popgoestheworld 6 years 9 weeks

Katie, despite what you said about not being judgmental, I think you actually are being judgmental. The past couple generations basically mark the first time in the history of the US (or the world, for that matter) that 22 would be considered "too young" to have a child. Just because you are placing your value on schooling, furthering your career, travel, and other activities, doesn't mean that someone else's value in starting a family is not equally valid. The fact that you have the opportunity to go to grad school and travel is highly unusual, and while it's great for you, many people - even in the US - have never had the option to do either one of those things. I happen to be 27 with a great education, lots of travel under my belt, and no kids. So the above rant is in no way an attempt to justify choices that I have made. But in no way would I try to push the choices that I have made as "the right choices" because what is good for one person, isn't always good - or possible - for another.

boxem180 6 years 9 weeks

i'm right with grlintheworld: planning to adopt is going to be my route once i decide it's time.

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