Ever since I broke up with my ex of four years — which happened a year ago — I've had a pattern of rebound guys who either got really clingy, moved too fast, or disrespected me. Throughout that time, whenever I did anything with a guy, I felt guilty. I still do. If it's even just to kiss a guy I really like, when it's over, I beat myself up about it a lot — as if I wasted a kiss on someone I thought really cared about me. I know it's dramatic, but every time I think about it, I feel cheap and horrible.
Truth is, I feel like my ex was all I'd ever known. I've had two rebounds, and one of them I really liked, but he became possessive and told his friends that we did things we didn't do. Lately I've realized that my self-esteem has become low. Why, I don't know: all I know is that I started chatting to guys. They pick me up and drop me back down. One guy that I spoke to, he was so cool, we had so much in common, and we spoke all the time. But when I told him to stop calling me after several attempts to get me to his house for a first date, he said: "I only wanted to have sex with you anyway." He made me feel special, then dropped that line and disappeared. Since then, the guys I've attracted have been horrible and I run away before anything happens — and when anything does happen, big or small, I beat myself about it. Why does this keep happening?