De-Friending an Ex on Facebook

Do or Don't: De-Friending an Ex

July 12, 2010

If you've ever gotten caught in the trap of Facebook stalking an ex, you know hiding is not enough. Love, after all, is an addiction and its withdrawal can make the sanest people do crazy things.

But de-friending makes far more of a statement than simply not talking — it says you care in the most unpleasant way — and the consequences of formally cutting him out can be terrifying. Is it better to just stop looking when you're ready, or do you need to cut yourself off?

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15 Comments

2 years 36 weeks

I de-friended my ex-husband awhile back. It wasn't because of anything he had done (or not done), nor was it because of a request by my new husband. I did it simply because no matter what I posted on his Wall, his new girlfriend (and her family) saw it as necessary to personally attack me. Even if I wrote "Happy birthday!" I would get snapped at; she'd post something like, "How can you say that to him---you left him, you cheating skank!!" or whatever. So to distance myself from her petty behavior, I de-friended him. He actually called and asked about it, and when I explained that I didn't need that kind of stress, he understood. I wonder how his g/f would react if she knew I asked him for computer help sometimes....

WritingLikeCrazy 2 years 44 weeks

Defriend him, ladies. Last summer, an old flame got married...and I found out on Facebook! But what I realized, after running through the streets crying for 3 hours, was what was wrong with life since him, not life without him. Check out my blog post, "I Won't Let You Be Happy, Why Should I?" and let me know what you think: http://tartandsoul.com/2009/09/07/i-wont-let-you-be-happy-why-should-i/

genesisrocks 2 years 44 weeks

Defriend if you know you're going to stalk him or think he might stalk you. But I've had relationships that have ended just because we saw less and less of each other and drifted apart. Really didn't feel the need to defriend those guys.

jocupcake 2 years 44 weeks

I'm of the opinion that if you're not actually friends with your ex or your FB friend status is causing issues in a current relationship (yours or his) you might as well just de-friend. Honestly what is the point of staying friends on Facebook if that's not how it is in real life? I guess some might say that de-friending is mean, but I just think it's being honest. Plus I think it's kind of creepy to be sharing stuff with people you never speak to and/or no longer really care to stay in touch with.

2 years 44 weeks

If it's been a few months post-break up, REMOVE HIM for goodness sake....! It's best for the both of you. Whether you're over them or not, or if it was 'amicable' or horrific, we all know that our memories haunt us every once in a while - even years later. (And, not to mention, I'm not a believer in post-sex BFF's... and neither is your new/future partner.) If you're not friends, not talking, no longer having sex, have few 'mutual friends', and you're dating others, then why let him in on your fabulous life? it's probably more torturous for him anyway ;). i personally find that the more "removing of the unnecessary" i do, the better my day. I removed my exes a while ago from fb... i didn't want to be the first, but I feel so liberated and glad to have put my pride aside for me. AT THE LEAST, de-tag yourself from your last trip together, and get back on the dating saddle stat.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 44 weeks

I think it depends how bad the breakup was. If it was a bad ending, I don't see a problem de-friending your ex on Facebook. I'd probably do that. If the split was amicable and less complicated, then it's cool to keep 'em on your friends list.

POPSUGAR Food 2 years 44 weeks

This is a bit off-topic, but one of the weird repercussions of Facebook is learning that your exes now have serious significant others and/or are married. Whenever I see that kind of stuff, even with someone I'm still friendly with, it's always a little weird for me.

browneyedgirl90 2 years 44 weeks

I think it's a do. I defriended an ex after we had a horrible breakup. I knew he would use facebook as a way to keep tabs on me, and I was past the point of caring what he was up to. Even afterwards, he kept sending me friend requests, so I blocked him, and it still is to this day. Another guy I defriended was because he decided to he wasn't interested in me anymore the day after we slept together. I thought we had more than a fwb situation going on, because he led me to believe so. I wish I hadn't defriended him though. Most of my friends who have gone through breakups use facebook as a way to keep in touch with what their ex was doing (where they were, who they were talking to) and not letting their mind rest, and making the recovery process so much more difficult.

2 years 44 weeks

I recently defriended an ex boyfriends family. The actual ex does not have a facebook. From what I gathered, his long time girlfriend has some insecurities regarding me. I mean gesh, I have not met her or had contact with the guy for 7+ years. It was not necessary to keep in contact with the family. Who knows, the contact I did have with the family could have been hurting there relationship.

2 years 44 weeks

I defriended an ex because we were no longer on speaking terms and I didn't really want him to have the luxury of being able to find out what is going on in my life. If I'm not friends or at least friendly with someone then I'm not friends with them on facebook. Hopefully he didn't get the impression that I still have feelings for him 5 years later haha- I kind of felt like by not defriending him it seemed like I still wanted to be able to know what's going on with him or still have feelings for.

chequettex 2 years 44 weeks

I'm friends on Facebook with my one major ex from high school. We broke up over ten years ago, before FB was even around, but the breakup was pretty amicable - we remained friends and he even came to my wedding. It was probably better for me that FB wasn't around back then, though, as I was still hung up on him for at least a year or two after, and I definitely would have been a stalker! Nowadays I just like to see what he's up to every once in awhile. He recently got engaged and I'm happy for him!

kismekate 2 years 44 weeks

I had an ex-bf recently de-friend me and we broke up like 8 years ago. The de-friending occurred right after I posted some pictures of me and my current bf. This then led me to believe that he obviously still has feelings for me - which is something I had NO idea about. I mean...it's really kind of sad actually. But now I know not to let anyone else ever think the same of me and man up and just hide them from my news feed rather than deleting them entirely.

French Kiss 2 years 44 weeks

I did for the last one - because he really desapointed me a lot, our relation was really bad, and i couldn't get over him because i was full of anger. So, to forget about him (because we don't text or chat or anything) i de-friended him, and now we are absolutely not connected anymore. I'm very fine with it ! However, i still have other ex-boyfriends in my contacts. So i said it depends. The most important thing is to get over them in an adult way, to de-friend is NOT a good way if we don't work hard to get over him aside.

French Kiss 2 years 44 weeks

skigurl 2 years 44 weeks

It depends!! I have never needed to do this, but I've had friends who have, and I seriously think they made the right decision! Stalking was making them nuts.

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