This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
I am 26 and since I can remember I've always had a thing for older guys. My first big celebrity crush was Ralph Fiennes in The English Patient and Jeremy Irons in The Mission — which is pretty weird but those actors/movies are pretty awesome and I'm sure many women have felt the same. Difference was, I was 9. When I was in early primary school and everyone was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio, I was doodling Alan Rickman's name on the back of my lever arch file.
I have dated guys that are my age and I have enjoyed their personalities and had (somewhat) successful relationships and although I was attracted to them, I never felt myself get gooey on the inside — if that makes sense. I just find older guys physically appealing. I get really turned on by grey hair and male pattern baldness. And dare I even say the slight paunch that men get when they are older. I have not found a man in his 20s or 30s attractive in a few years now. This is pretty weird, because I am definitely a young looking 26 year old (still get carded) and I am quite fit, dress for my age, often get approached by guys my age etc. I would not say I am craving the security and stability that comes with being older or dating someone who is older, although those are things most people who would like a relationship would logically desire . . . including me.
By the way, this is definitely not "Daddy Issues." My parents have a long, healthy, happy marriage and I come from a very close knit loving family. In fact, my Dad who is 55 is a fitness junkie like me and often passes for 44-45ish.
It's also definitely not financial. I am pretty successful and independent (have lived by myself and paid my own way since 18), and do not want someone to take care of me or buy me things in order to feel appreciated. Nor do I feel at this stage that I want to be nurtured and treated in a juvenile manner. I feel this is a sort of sexual awakening.
I am currently dating a man who is 41. We started dating about 3 years ago and I originally lied to him and said I was a young-looking 30 year old for our first three dates so he would take me seriously — we met through online dating. Although I love him dearly and think he is very attractive, I still find men that are much older than him more appealing. Like around 60 would be ideal for me.
I've tried talking to my best and closest girl friends about this, and they usually just say . . . "ewww that's gross!" and laugh it off as a joke. But I'm being serious. I am considering leaving my current relationship because these feelings are causing me to feel a bit distracted. I think I should try pursue this. I am worried about what my family and friends will think.
Everyone knows I have always liked older men, but I'm afraid that dating anyone older might cause my parents to have . . . um . . . heart attacks.
Do I need help? Is this a weird fetish, considering I am thinking purely with my loins? AM I CRAZY?!