DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: What Religion Are The Children From Interfaith Marriages?

October 5, 2006

DEARSUGAR and Love One, Love All Lara need your help. I have found a list of books dedicated to Interfaith Marriages. Hopefully this can help you guys figure out some answers. Readers, what do you think is a healthy compromise for children of interfaith homes?

Dear Sugar
My husband and I are madly in the love. I am Jewish and he is Catholic. The wedding was easy; we had it at a hotel, and incorporated traditions from both religions. Neither of us are particularly religious, but we are each only familiar with our own customs.

I am now pregnant with a baby girl. We are overjoyed, however, we never really discussed what denomination, if any at all to raise our baby. People keep asking us what we are going to do about choosing a religion and we don't know what to say. Will our child have an identity crisis if we don't raise him/her with one religion on particular?
Love One, Love Al Lara

15 Comments

2 years 10 weeks

siouxsie, those people are not Jewish.

TrippleC 6 years 32 weeks

My friend who also happens to be Jewish has taught me a lot about Judism. Her mother converted when she married her father. Before or after, I'm not sure. Traditionally, in the Jewish faith, whatever the mother is, that's what the children are. I would say incorporate both faiths, but the only problem with that is the actual beliefs. Incorporate traditions from both religions, and decide what you're going to primarily teach the little one. Let her decide what she wants to believe in. Good luck!

workin9to5 6 years 32 weeks

My mom just told me the other day that even though I grew up not practicing my religion very closely (we celebrated holidays but I wasn't all that involved by choice), I "turned out great." Ha, I found that funny, but I know what she meant. My point here is that you can choose to be the person that you are no matter what, and as a parent, you make certain choices that guide your children and how they will "turn out." For me, my religion is about my heritage, traditions, and where I came from. Although I am dating someone outside of my religion who I hope to marry in a few years, the traditions and heritage is what I will pass on to my children. I want them to understand us both. I can't deny that it is more difficult for more religious people than it will be for me. But does it mean you shouldn't love your husband, who is a good person and who "turned out" well, no matter what his religion? And your child can't embrace more than one thing and choose what beliefs to subscribe to? I know religion is usually based on heritage, which is something that makes me feel close to mine, but isn't it essentially supposed to be a choice?

cubadog 6 years 32 weeks

You are so right MsRoyalTee.

MsRoyaLTee 6 years 32 weeks

I can't agree with adriana. Be accepting. Learn about differenr faiths. Raise your children with a knowledge of both faiths - let them know their heritige. Let them make decisions for themselves - that is the best way to make your child into a happy, free and loving person. And are you saying if you met somebody and you two just clicked, and the more time you spent with them, the more you thought "This might be the one I want to marry, and maybe even have children with"....and then because he's Jewish and you're Christian, you walk away? I could never do that.

la_clique 6 years 32 weeks

I have many friends who grew up in two religion households. They grew up learning/attending both and chose which one they wanted when they were old enough. Christmakah was popular!

honey31 6 years 32 weeks

I could not do it personally.

My Opinion 6 years 32 weeks

Who's to say....I'm half Jewish and my husband is Italian....we both believe in the same God.................Let your daughter choose in time...*

cubadog 6 years 32 weeks

Adriana normally I would just drop the whole religion conversation with anyone but YOU ARE SO WRONG. You say you have respect for other religions but you do not sound all that open to any idea other than your own! Religion isn't the only thing that will define who a child will become. That is the parents key role not the church. I have many friends that are raising their children exactly like CortneyLynn and they are the most amazing, accepting children! By not celebrating differences within a family how do expect children to accept differences within our world?

Adriana42 6 years 32 weeks

That is one reason I wont marry someone of different faith. I have respect for all religions but when it comes to marrying and raising a child with someone it has to be pure for me. I'm not very religious myself but still have values and morals that I carry with me that come from the book and want to raise my child same way my parents raised me. I need my child to know who he/she is. You can't be both at the same time and every religion will tell you that. Practicing two religions at the same time nulls both of them, so there's no point of getting your child to do that. It might seem like the right thing to do but it's isn't that simple. How is the child going to make a choice between religions, grown ups have a tough time with that one let alone a child.If I was in the same situation I would not initiate teachings from either religions but wait until the child grows up and is able to make the right decision for him/herself.

LaurenG22 6 years 32 weeks

oooooooooooooh good suggestions-- i never thought of the "jewish christianity" thing... that sounds like a great choice! :) the best of both worlds!!

herbiefrog 6 years 32 weeks

...why not let her choose ? explain to her why you feel the need to have this or that faith ...and let her choose or she may choose not to...

siouxsie 6 years 32 weeks

there is a sect of christians called jewish christians...basically they believe in jesus and do the christian stuff but also honor all the old jewish laws and traditions as well...shoot for something like that...you don't have to pick one or the other...i think honesty is the best way to go...

cubadog 6 years 32 weeks

I agree. I have a ton of friends that have done the same thing and their kids are just fine and not only that but they are more aware of the differences in the world!

workin9to5 6 years 32 weeks

I think you should handle this similarly to how you handled your wedding, strange as it may sound. Teach her the major principles, history, and traditions of both and celebrate all of the holidays with her in the same way you do now. Then, when she gets older, it can actually be an informed choice, or she can continue practicing both. Either way, she will understand where both her parents came from, instead of knowing about only one parent's religion. How can she have an identity crisis that way? She gets both the full picture of her heritage instead of something one-sided AND eventually gets the freedom to decide what kind of person she wants to be. I think there is something very beautiful about that.

Link Love

15 Comments

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