DEARSUGAR and Slighted Skylar need your help. Her ex's fiancee's jealousy is getting so out of control that she is giving Skylar dirty looks whenever she runs into her. Skylar would like to put the past behind her and move on. She terribly misses her ex's friendship, but she's unsure how to handle the situation. What would you do?
About four years ago, the guy I'd been seeing for about six months and I split up because we realized we'd be better as friends than as a couple. We stayed very close friends for a few years. As a matter of fact, I considered him one of my best friends.
Last year, he abruptly stopped speaking to me. He wouldn't return my phone calls or emails. I found out from a mutual friend that he had begun to see someone new, and they were getting serious. I was happy for him (I, too, had begun to get serious with someone new) but was upset and confused about why he'd begun to avoid me.
Our mutual friend eventually reported back to me that my ex's new girlfriend didn't want him associating with me, or with any other women he'd ever dated. I was really hurt that my ex, my friend, would so willingly give up our friendship for another woman. I can even see where his girlfriend was coming from (she must be painfully insecure).
I eventually got over it. I was still upset, but I decided that a friend who'd give up on me so easily wasn't worth wasting my time feeling bad about. Since I never saw them anyway, it was easy to put the whole situation out of my mind.
A few months ago, though, I found out two things. First, that my ex and his jealous girlfriend had gotten engaged, and secondly, that they'd moved into an apartment just around the corner from where I live with my boyfriend. I've seen them together several times since then; at the market, in a restaurant and walking their dog - and each time, no words are spoken. He looks contrite, and she shoots daggers from her eyes at me.
I know that my ex is just doing what makes his fiancee happy. But now that I see them from time to time, it's hard for me not to feel strange. I'm angry that she's so controlling that he's not allowed to even say hello to me, and I'm hurt that he goes along with it. At this point they are engaged and I live with another man, there are no lingering romantic feelings between us and haven't been for years.
Should I just suck it up and feel uncomfortable every time I get dirty looks from his fiancee? Should I try to speak to him again? Or should I try something else entirely? Slighted Skyler