I dont think its right!

Isn't this something you should have discussed before you got married? He's obviously not comfortable with the idea of an open marriage. Anyway there are tons of ways to spice up your sex life TOGETHER!

"I don't understand why. Sex is supposed to be fun and interesting. With my husband we make wonderful and passionate love, but I'd like to have different experiences once in a while without hurting him, of course."

So, basically what you're saying is, you're husband no longer does it for you, and rather than talk to him about it and work it out between the two of you, you'd like to go have sex with other people, but you want him to be ok with it so that you don't have to feel bad. I don't think so sweetie. Forget about that temporary easy way out and work on the relationship with the man that you have expressed lifetime commitment to.

You don't understand why he doesn't seem thrilled with this idea? Did your vows not include the words "forsaking all others" ??? If you wanted to sleep with other people, you shouldn't have gotten married.

OH, and P.S.
Your poor husband....

I agree with you sweetpeasmom

I am totally with Purple and SPM. Are you kidding me? Poor hubby is right. Get over it or get out. Im sure he can find a woman that will be more then satisfied with one woman.
AND ARE YOU KIDDING ME? There is no such thing as safe sex unless you are both clean and monogomas! Condoms dont always work neither does birth control, how the hell would your hubby feel if you got pregnant and didnt know if he was the father? COME ON. U made vows grow up
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Ewww...you are sick! Hello??!! He is your HUSBAND in case you didn't know! What do you mean that you aren't looking for another relationship? You honestly think that sleeping with someone other than your husband is no big deal? I feel so bad that your husband got stuck with someone like you...he deserves someone much better...

Oh, and by the way. You say that you don't want to "HURT your husband"? Well, you did the minute you told him you wanted to sleep around with other people...

totally
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ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!

If you are interested in a swinging lifestyle then you should have married a swinger. You can't expect your husband to want this. You should have had this straightened out before the wedding. Your poor husband. Are you sure you want to be married?

i'll take the really unpopular decision and say that i can see where she's coming from. can ALL of you honestly say that you have NEVER thought about being with another man (no matter how happy you were with your partner)????

i think there are some ways to work around this and one of them may be to try new sexual forays with your husband. for now, tamp down talk about wanting to be with other people as it obviously makes him feel terrible (as it would make me feel as well!). if trying new positions/tricks/etc. with sex still isn't keeping you satisfied, then maybe its time to see a counselor to discuss this. your husband obviously isn't into this and you have to respect that so try and find some ways that you both can be satisfied and keep this talk in your head.

(okay so i guess i didn't disagree with you all too much, but still...)

lol Nica, Im sure other women have fantasied or wanted to be with other men, I have not ever I swear I think went is cute but Id never want to sleep with another man, however I think most women keep that in there heads and def dont make it a point to want to act on it! And you didnt disagree you just added in a point some women may have forgotten about
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ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!

Nah mate, have fantasies, sure but actually want to go out and do it and expect your hubby to jump up and say 'YAY! great idea! ill go out and do it too!', that's just too much.

You married him, k?
Marriage is marriage.
marriage is with one person, you shouldn't be thinking of going with anyone else.

maybe marriage isn't for you and you should just cut your loses now.

I think I can understand what you are saying. Even though you enjoy sex with your husband, you wouldn't minda little someting with someone else.
It dosen't mean you don't love your husband or he "doesnt do it for you". As most people know sex can sometimes be jsut sex, physical and nothing else.

I think its goods that you bought this up with your husband but you have to be prepared for him to say no, and thats it. You are married and you have to respect his decision. I think that when you get married you promise to forsake all others. If you both decide to loosen the rules that is fine BUT you need to be prepared to except that he will be the only man you will ever be with again

Some people have open relationships that work, but the few people that i've known that have tried this all found the experience to end in disaster.

There is a lot of jealously. People wondering if they enjoy doing it more with the other person. Would you really like to think of your husband out there kissing etc another woman?

Often these things sounds like a good idea but in reality not so much

Im still stuck on what if you get pregnant or give him a std no matter how careful u are
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ATTENTION ALL SECRET SANTA LOVERS VISIT THE ONCE UPON A FAB FINDING HOLIDAY SUITE ASAP TO CONFIRM PARTICIPATION!

why did you bother with the ceremony of marriage? there are plenty of men who would LOVE to have open sex with no obligation. you should have stayed single and just enjoyed the bed hopping. i feel for your husband. but no, i don't think anyone understand what you are feeling.

I can relate your desire to experience other people but I feel that since you have committed yourself to this man through marriage, you cannot act as though you are single. Monogamy & marriage go hand in hand. You did not marry a swinger and so, you can either accept the monogamy of your situation or get out.

um, maybe you could try role playing? meet up at a bar and flirt with each other, don't let him get you right away. make him flirt, buy you drinks, convince you to hang out with him. maybe you miss the thrill of the hunt. i do this with my husband and it's fun. that way you don't have to be with other people.

it sounds like you're stuck in a routine and you're missing the crazy excitement of being with someone new, so why not try stuff you guys haven't done before? sex outdoors (the idea of getting caught can be thrilling), submission and domination, having another couple watch or watching another couple, and there are tons of crazy toys out there if you simply must have another, um, shape and size to play with. i heard that the internet is full of useful information on this matter, lol, perhaps you should check it out! monogamy can be hot. good luck!

what's with the name calling and judgement here? i thought that was saved for celebrities?

Swinging is not something that a majority of people approve of. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't admit it.

My suggestion is perhaps start slow with your hubby. Maybe ask about including another woman into the mix. Let him feel like he has control of the situation.

Swinging is not a disease and you can remain happily married and STD free if you practice safe sex and control your own situations.

I would strongly suggest that you and your husband visit a web site called adultfriendfinder, it will have others in your area that are looking for the same.

Goodluck with your adventure.

I don't see the problem with it at all! I actually have some friends that got married 2 months after we graduated from HS they have been married for 18 years and have an open marriage. They talked about it 4 years into their marriage and decided to pursue that area of their sex lives together. They are still married and much more happily then my friends that are in monogamous marriages I might add! Do what is right for you and your husband at least you had the balls to go to him instead of going behind his back like a majority of people do!

Wild Child,

As we know, women reach their sexual maturity later than men. Currently, you must be feeling it more than ever. These biological impulses are normal, and do not change the fact that you truly do love your husband--and it is understandable that you might be a bit "bored" at this point. It seems to me that you have also realized that, sometimes, sex is just that: sex. Not a committment to someone else, not an engagement for life. Sometimes, people just do it because it feels good.

However, you may want to ask yourself, in the first place, if you are truly satisfied in all other areas of your marriage, or if there might be something that isn't quite working as you'd like it to. If that isn't the case, and because your husband is not open to the idea, you may have to try to spice things up within your relationship. It appears to me that you are more open to sex in general than he is--you may want to try exploring different things together, like watching adult movies (ones which do not portray women in derogatory ways).

Do keep in mind at all times that a relationship is delicate, and that you run certain risks if he does welcome the idea. He could end up falling for someone else, and STDs are always an issue. If this marriage really is something you want to maintain, I suggest you try to liven up your sex life with him first.

Don't do it..you'll be playing with fire.

We tried to tell our friends not to join a swingers club, but they had to find out on their own. They went ahead with it, even meeting up with people on their holiday in Bermuda (with their kids along) (nice eh? )

Their marriage broke up and they are now with other people. Their kids are not doing well because of it.

She didn't want to work it out and he was left looking for someone else. It was sad and devastating for him especially. It was really hard to bite our tongues so we wouldn't say we tried to warn you.

What started out as curiosity and a "hot new idea" turned into a marriage break up and was traumatic for the kids.

LOL and you've only been married for 5 years! I hope you haven't any children.

This is absolutely horrible. Sex is as fun and as interesting as you make it to be. Instead of immediately looking for someone else, why don't you just new things with each other instead.

Open relationships is something you get into before your married. Marriage is a step you take when you're ready to commit yourself to one person. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

If this rut is all it takes to have you looking somewhere else, maybe you should reevaluate your relationship.

--
"A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman, and loose enough to prove you're a lady."
--Edith Head

No means no.
and yea Im still stuck on what if you get pregnant haha Im lame I know.
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Secret Santa Guidelines are up Check them out and double check your on my list!

If you want "interesting sex" with other people GET A DIVORCE! and sleep around. If your man doesn't want you sleep with others and you're in a "comitted" relationship I don't see how you can ignore his feelings...why are you married in the first place!

It's amazing how small minded people can be, but not really surprising, coming from a website based on superficiality.

I think it's wonderful that Chastity had the courage to open up to her husband. A lot of women would have kept it to themselves and either cheated, left or become unhappy because of an inability to share true feelings. This is exactly what a marriage needs to survive.

I'm guessing that once Mr. Chastity has a chance to get used to the idea, it might appeal to him. I honestly don't know a lot of men who wouldn't be at least a little curious. As long as he's not pressured, he might just come around on his own.

If and when that happens, 'swinging' should not be taken lightly. Each participant's feelings must be taken in to account and catered to. Inviting others into a marriage can be fulfilling for all involved but can also go wrong if selfish desires get in the way of personal feelings.

1) Your poor husband! You are MARRIED. If marriage to you doesn't include being faithful to your spouse, then you aren't ready for marriage.
2) If you did do this sort of thing, would you really take every partner to the doctor to make sure they have no STDs? If you get one, your husband gets one, and everyone else your with gets one, and everyone your husband is with gets one, and if you ever have kids, they'll have them. It's DEADLY.

Wow, this is definitely the #1 in non-supportive posts of all the DearSugar columns I've read.

You don't sound like you've been married for very long, despite having a relationship of 5 yrs total. Are you sure you aren't getting a delayed case of 'cold feet'? After I got engaged, I panicked-- what about the dating I'm going to miss out on? The men I will never have sex with? Oh no! But really, my dear, it should be oh yes! You've found someone to love you for the rest of your life, someone to share your life with. And you know there is so much more to life than sex.

If casual sex was so important to you, I think you would have realized that in your years prior to getting married. If you did, then shame on you for expressing yourself sooner or finding someone else with similar values. You could just be over-reacting to the routine and realization that HE is IT, and you need to start mentally associating "marriage" as positive.

Good luck, and hopefully you will be able to figure things out before doing something rash that might jeopardize your marriage (and hurt your husband).

sorry, for *not* expressing yourself sooner...

hey babe

sounds like you should keep it to yourself
maybe...
...with some people
...not everything
...can be shared

or you could just stay together and be the faithful stepford wifey and just settle for thaht divoirce in almost no time

[and to everyone else]
[what planet are you living on?]

Omg I think I understood herbie.
NYC good advice.
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Watch us play secret santa, and every tuesday fab find for our wishlist!

Oh, that's right, that's why I don't come to this site anymore.

Heavens. The woman hasn't done anything wrong. She's been honest, communicated, and not acted impulsively. The fact that most of the people here feel free to condemn her for having the feelings she does, or for thinking a little differently than they do, is really depressing.

Marriage is for the people IN IT to define. Some people have some submissive-wife-and-dominant-husband ideal of marriage. Do you want them telling you you aren't allowed to come up with your own way of living with the person you love? What if two people want to get married but neither of them is interested in having sex, ever, with each other or anyone else? Are they up for judgment and condemnation too? Why aren't they allowed to live their own lives?

I've known people in open marriages. They were great, fun people with dynamic, lasting marriages. I've also known people with open relationships that were shipwrecks. The bottom line is, they aren't hurting you by working out how to live their own lives. If her husband feels comfortable trying something someday, okay. Her bringing it up is NOT some sort of cardinal sin. You are free to decide marriage means not only fidelity but wearing matching hats every day if you want. That's your marriage. This is hers. Stretch your mind.

The sheer, vicious judgmental nature of the comments on this site has driven me away again. See you when next I forget.

made of chocolate: this person asked for advice and people responded by how they think-again it is their opinion-a lot of the posts are very supportive. When someone asks a question like this one-she is going to have to be prepared for all types of responses. She will have to have thick skin because this is a loaded subject. I don't believe in swinging for couples but one of my friends has an open relationship with her husband. I don't condone it but I am still friends with her and think that if it makes her happy-then it is none of my business. I don't give my opinion unless she asks for it. I think that the person who wrote the original post is going to have to weigh what people have said and make her own decision. That is why she asked us.

MadeofChocolate, I'm sorry you feel THIS site is too harsh. Obviously you need to go somewhere else, maybe CuteOverload.com?
Anyone who writes in to DearSugar knows that the advice will be public and commented on. I reread the comments and think that the prevailing comment is that swinging isn't a popular choice, but if both parties are interested it is ok. Wild Child wants to swing, her husband DOES NOT. This is not a good match, and it is something that should have been discussed before marriage.

The commenters on this site take the sanctity of marriage very seriously, sorry if that offends you.

la_clique, I agree with you..if the husband was into it, then fine. Everybody, is different..and, to each his own. But, Wild Child's husband isn't into this life style, therein lies the problem. Can you even imagine if your husband or wife, asked you this question? I would feel like...who did I marry! I would also, feel like, I want out fast (and, I'm a FIRM believer on doing whatever it takes, to make a marriage work..intense couples counseling, separate counseling, etc.) I feel sorry for her husband.

angelbaby2, I just read your comment 11/12/06 6:55 pm. I completely agree with everything you said, and I would handle my friend the same way.

Made of Chocolate, I don't want you to feel like your being ganged up on at all so, I really hope you don't take it that way. I just wanted to point out that, angelbaby2's comment is the truth. This site is, for the most part extremely supportive, and when someone asks a question, she is opening herself up to peoples opinions, and it is up to her to weigh the options...just like angelbaby2 said.

madeofchocolate, people like to be mean on the internet, that's just how things are. i don't think it's right either,
it makes me sad to see how vicious people can be. they have the right to say whatever they want but i think it's been interpreted to mean "i can be as mean as i want to and you can't stop me". unfortunately, tact and kindness are not as prevalent on the sweet sugar sites as i think they should be.
if someone is having a bad day, it's easy to write something cruel to someone they don't know and will never meet. if someone has frustrations or is unhappy, judging other people harshly and using cruel words must be a way to feel better. i have no idea why else someone would do it.
peace

We werent being mean we only gave our honest opinion which is what was asked for. Being mean would have been ur going to hell or some shiz of that sort. If you dont want advice dont write to DS.
Madeofchocolate: Myadvice is dont come to sites that offend you esp if you arent going to read it all. It blantantly states she wants to and he doesnt and she wants to change his mind thats wrong in our opinion. Its sad that so many problems get started because people dont want to read all of it but comment on it all.
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Watch us play secret santa, and every tuesday fab find for our wishlist!

"Hi" Wild Child Chasity,

After extensive mutual soul-searching and personal research, many
marital couples that consent to have an open marriage do so under
the belief that their relationship is strong and secure enough to
avoid the pitfalls of a non-exclusive arrangement.

Often they feel that total honesty, acceptance, and communication
can make such an open relationship work – and in many such
unconventional marriages they do. However, the captivating erotic
appeal and highly sensuous relationships with others can sometimes
unexpectedly bring on the destructive forces of jealousy,
selfishness, and mistrust that possibly may threaten the primary
relationship with a spouse.

However, by clearly understanding how these harmful influences can
develop and occur, and moreover, by continuing to build on the love
and trust on which they had originally built their life together,
couples can successfully overcome such damaging forces through
determination and commitment to their marriage.

Having a non-exclusive relationship is very seductive and
liberating, and if good choices are made selecting first-rate people
as outside partners (sexual playmates), often beneficially brings on
the experience of catharsis, growth, and other positive changes to
one's life in having such playful outside encounters and sexual
experiences.

For your further understanding, the following insightful information
below may be of further help to you…

===================================================================
What Is An "Open Marriage"

In its widest meaning and usage, an open marriage is a marital
relationship where both married partners agree to allow various
kinds of sexual relationships for one or both outside the marriage,
without regarding this as sexual infidelity. Often this may
include "dating" activities without both partners automatically
being present or sexually involved.

The new term originated and achieved certain popularity with the
1972 publication of the book "Open Marriage" by Nena and George
O'Neill that sold more than 1.5 million copies. The majority of the
book subject matter is on non-controversial approaches to
revitalizing marriage in areas of communication, trust, role
flexibility, identity, and equality, but chapter 16 - "Love Without
Jealousy" - was focused on the intriguing proposition that an open
marriage could beneficially include some forms of sexuality with
outside partners. To the expressed regret of the authors, it was
this chapter's unique dynamic concepts which have remained in the
cultural consciousness a generation later. Yet by then the open
marriage idea and term had already gained a life of its own where
today many married couples are avidly and happily engage in this
liberating sexual lifestyle.

These days with many committed couples not immediately choosing or
wanting formal marriage, but desire such sexual liberties within
their own mutual partnership, the new synonymous term presently
being used for both married and committed couples is open
relationship. Moreover this latest term for the concept of being
sexually open versus closed also applies to triads and other groups
larger than two.

Open relationships are sometimes considered as a kind of polyamory
(involvement in loving relationships, of a sexual kind, with more
than one person), but regarded broader in concept than polyamory by
including sexual play outside the context of loving relationships.
Be that as it may, naturally there is much potential for overlap.

There is difference of opinion as to whether marital or committed
couples involved in swinging are in open relationships. Swinging
involves sex with one or more persons within a particular group
context. While swingers may "swap" or exchange partners, they
usually do not have dates and sex with others entirely separate from
their partner who is close by. However, quite the opposite is true
for those in an open marriage (open relationship) where typically
there are outside activities (such as dating, etc.) separate from
the spouse or committed partner. Again, there is a natural
propensity for many to overlap sexual concepts and involvement in
other sexual lifestyle communities.

Lifestyle's Expectations

While the arrangements for each open marriage (open relationship)
are defined by the individuals involved, they usually tend to have
particular expectations such as:

• Other relationships or sexual activities are supplements or
enhancements to the marriage, not replacements for anything in the
marriage.
• There is honest and open communication between the primary
couple about what is allowable and what is not - and a trust that
both partners will abide by those expectations.
• There is mutual consent from both partners to the type of
open marriage chosen.
• The nature of an open marriage, along with the rules that
could apply to it (see below), often changes over time as each
person and their relationships grow or change, or to adapt to new
circumstances that arise.

Sometimes in this type of relationship only one spouse
has "permission" to have sexual encounters with others, while the
other partner is expected to remain monogamous (sexually exclusive).
The monogamous spouse may be indifferent to their partner's
experiences with others, or may derive sexual satisfaction from
watching, hearing, or simply being aware of them. In other open
relationships egalitarian rules for both partners are a crucial
component.

In certain societies, such as Nepal, this practice is somewhat
socially acceptable. In the United States, as well as Western
Europe, however, the practice, is much more controversial and
generally socially not accepted

Considering Emotional Issues

Like other relationships, including "normal" marriages, open
relationships are subject to emotional stresses and inter-personal
issues. Those who have attempted open marriages often say it either
brings the couple closer together on many levels and strengthens the
marriage and the trust, friendship, and respect for each other, or
leads to jealousy and damages the marriage. Those both successful
and unsuccessful, often refer to the challenges of 'NRE' ("New
Relationship Energy") that can be confused with love for a third
party and damage the marriage.

There is the potential of many emotional pitfalls for couples who
experiment with open marriage, as well as many potential benefits
for those who are successful. In cases where this type of
experimentation is meant to "fix" a marriage, or either partner is
emotionally or morally unable to, the potential for a negative
outcome increases.

For those who claim success in open marriages, the reported benefits
commonly include a deeper emotional connection with their partner, a
more enduring trust, and/or a deeper sexual satisfaction for both
partners.

Outsiders, or even some who practice egalitarian open relationships,
may have difficulty understanding how a monogamous husband, for
example, could benefit from letting his wife date, build emotional
bonds with, and have sex with other men. Husbands involved report
an "near primal" urge to engage in these activities, and often the
more skilled the spouse's lover is, or the more intense the "New
Relationship Energy" is, the more it heightens the husband's
experience, even if this temporarily relegates him to a subservient
or lower position than the wife's new lover.

Mutual Tenets And Agreements

Some couples involved in open marriages or relationships adopt a set
of "rules" or "agreements" to guide their amenable activities. These
rules are individualistic and often change over time. Such
agreements, and more importantly the process of negotiating them,
can help people to consider and anticipate what behavior to expect
from their partners and what intentions they have for themselves.
This is intended both to reduce the uncertainty that can breed
jealousy, insecurity and resentment, and to focus the commitments
that continue between the couple even while the convention of sexual
monogamy is modified. These agreements attempt to allow partners to
explore new territory without doing something disastrous to the
primary relationship.

Some example elements which might be included in such relationship
agreements are described below; a given agreement might include any
or all of these elements (in the forms given or modified, or even
reversed), or many others. There is no one correct set of
agreements, as the needs of each individual and each relationship
vary considerably, and tend to evolve with time and experience.

• Our marriage and family always comes first, (or) We will not
harm the quality of our existing relationship, (or) Our individual
freedom to grow and explore must not be unduly constrained.
• We will always inform each other prior to any outside
activity, (or) We will attempt to inform the other partner first if
possible and as soon as possible afterwards if not, (or) We will
inform our partner of our general practices but not about specific
people or times or places.
• It is enough to keep the other partner informed of all
activity, (or) We will not proceed without explicit prior agreement
from the other partner.
• The other partner must meet any new person first, (or) The
other partner can eventually meet all people that might be involved,
should they want to.
• The other partner has a right of veto any relationship or
activity at any time, (or) The other partner may inhibit further
development of a relationship but any "rollbacks" of existing
relationships need to be individually negotiated.
• We will only be involved with people who fully disclose the
relationships and activities to their own spouses or committed
partners, (or) We will encourage but not require others with whom we
are involved to have open relationships with their other partners,
if any.
• We will always use agreed upon safer sex practices until and
unless our regular partner agrees to specific exceptions, (or) We
will trust each other to be appropriately careful about sexual
safety without details.
• We will not cancel plans that we have together to be with
someone else, (or) We will not neglect our partner to be with
someone else unless the spouse agrees.
• We will continue to meet each other's sexual needs as well,
(or) Each partner is responsible for their own sexual needs.
• We are allowed to omit specific details except as needed for
full disclosure for safer sex decisions.
• We will not disclose these activities to other friends
without mutual consent, or We are each free to share about these
experiences within our own judgment of appropriateness and safety.
• We will not use this against each other in any fights or
arguments later down the road.
• We will engage in sexual activities only together with both
of us present, (or) We may engage sexually with others alone or
together.
• We will return home to sleep after each encounter, (or) We
will accept overnight visits by prior negotiation.
• We will not compare anything that has gone on with the other
person to anything that goes on between us. We can pick up pointers
of new things to try with each other from the outside source but not
in a harmful way.
• We will not hide or minimize emotional connections forming
with other people, (or) We will not form strong emotional
attachments unless and until our existing partner forms their own
friendship and connection as well.
• We will promptly disclose and discuss any breaches to these
agreements in order to remain in integrity with each other and avoid
building walls of shame and hiding.
• We will honestly discuss any concerns or feelings that arise
and which affect our closeness or safety with each other.
• We will reconsider any of these agreements if experience
shows that they are not serving our ultimate purposes

===================================================================

I hope this information is useful and that it helps.

Take care...

J.C.

"Hi", Again, Wild Child Chasity,

I just came across this ABC News website article ( http://abcnews.go.com/US/LifeStages/Story?id=3464575&page=2 )and thought it may be of further interest to you.

=============================================================
Are Open Marriages More Successful Than Traditional Couplings?

A New Generation Tries Swinging, but Leaves the Leisure Suits in the Closet

By RUSSELL GOLDMAN
Aug. 10, 2007—

To many, "open marriage" is a phrase so laden with 1970s nostalgia that the idea can't be considered without imagining its practitioners leering at each other across shag-carpeted conversation pits, their chest hair spilling out of maroon polyester leisure suits.

While many of today's adherents are aging swingers from the old school, a new generation -- well organized and committed to legitimizing a lifestyle -- continues to push traditional notions of marital fidelity by having sex with people other than their spouses.

But do marriages -- fragile institutions traditionally built on the fidelity and sexual intimacy of two people -- work when the doors of the bedroom are thrown wide open?

"That's like asking if monogamy works," Deborah Anapol, a psychologist and author of "Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits" told ABC NEWS.com. "Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It depends almost entirely on the people involved and their willingness to tell the truth and do the work."

"Polyamory," which literally means "many loves" is a new name for an old practice.

"There were a few studies on open marriage in the early '60s and '70s, but the phenomenon seemed to die out and it was just called cheating after that," said William Doherty, a professor of sociology at the University of Minnesota.

"It resurfaced as polyamory, and some groups have imbued it with a spiritual side. They see it as a pathway to personal development. They see it as a high road; it's not cheating, it's growing their relationship," he said.

In 1972, George and Nena O'Neill published "Open Marriage: Love Without Limits," the first book to define the practice and counsel couples on how to grow their own relationships by creating friendships and sexual relationships with other people.

Ten years later, acclaimed journalist Gay Talese would publish "Thy Neighbor's Wife," an experiential look at American sexual mores between the sexual revolution and the AIDS epidemic.

In the book, Talese describes operating a massage parlor in New York City, attending nudist camps and having an extramarital affair.

Though Talese told ABC NEWS.com that his 50-year marriage to his wife, book editor Nan Talese, was not open, the popularity of "Thy Neighbor's Wife" led many Americans to re-evaluate long held ideas about sexual morality, obscenity and fidelity.

Do Open Marriages Work?
It is difficult to determine just how many married people are involved in open marriages. A study from the 1980s suggested it could be as many as 6 percent of all couples, but most experts believe that number is excessively high.

"At least 95 percent of married and cohabitating Americans expect sexual exclusivity," said Judy Treas, a sociology professor at the University of California at Irvine.

As for the success of open marriages, "there have been no scientific evaluations of how well open marriages work," Treas said. "The jury is still out."

Despite the small niche, there is a thriving industry built around the polyamorous. Self-help books, specialized marriage counselors, and retreats, which include everything from courses in Eastern philosophy to the chance to hook up with strangers, are targeted at people in open marriages.

Traditional marriage counselors typically tell polyamorous couples who are having problems with their marriage that it is the sex with other people that is causing their problems, but therapists like Dossie Easton who co-wrote"The Ethical Slut," disagreed.

Easton said polyamorous marriages were no more or less successful than monogamous marriages, but at least the polyamorous were never surprised to learn their spouse was cheating.

She said openly married couples saw her "for the same problems that traditional therapists deal with. Only traditional therapists tell polyamorous couples if they gave up being polyamorous, then they'd be happy."

Problems, she said, occur when spouses have different ideas about how polyamory should work.

"Sometimes one wants to have sex with strangers, and the other wants more meaningful relationships outside the marriage. Others want to join groups of likeminded people, [which] I call pods or constellations, where sometimes child-rearing responsibilities are shared."

The biggest challenge polyamorous couples seem to face is jealousy.

A whole chapter of "Open Marriage," the first polyamorous handbook is devoted to managing feelings of jealousy.

"Jealousy is inevitable just like anger is inevitable. All couples get jealous often for no good reason, but jealousy can be managed. If people are emotionally intelligent they work to manage their jealousy," Anapol said.

Polyamory, Polygamy and Friends With Benefits
Open marriage differs from polygamy in that it is legal, except in those states with extremely rigid anti-adultery laws. Unlike polygamy, in an open marriage both spouses agree to allow each other to have extramarital affairs and relationships can extend to people outside of a formally bound group.

In the open marriages of the 1970s, couples would often set rigid rules about whom they would allow to engage in sex with their partners.

Couples would meet in sex clubs or private parties and swap partners. These relationships were almost always purely sexual, and temporary lovers were rarely introduced to spouses.

Contemporary practitioners of polyamory have changed the rules, and in many cases thrown them out all together, said Dossie Easton.

According to Easton, polyamory is as much a reflection of changes in '70s-style open marriages as it is a reflection of broad changes in attitudes about casual sex. "There has been a real change in attitudes," Easton said. "We used to make a huge notion that if you picked up someone at a singles bar and didn't want to marry them in the morning you shambled out of their house."

"Nowaday, we have all kinds of open sexual connections with people that we call friends that we are not auditioning for marriage

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