Cement Jesus Statue Held for Ransom

It all started with a mysterious phone call. The voice on the other end of the line whispered, "Check your mailbox!" That's when this lady discovered a ransom note threatening to withhold and possibly harm her Jesus lawn statue until the neighborhood "weiner poopie" is all cleaned up. But she always picks up after her pets, so what more can she do? More importantly, WWJD? Y'all prepare yourselves cuz all Heaven is about to break loose. . .