About 8 years ago, I cocktail waitressed at a nightclub, and made AWESOME money doing so. I was also 19 yrs. old. After 1 1/2yrs. of working there, and having no health benefits, I decided it was time to get a job that offered more.
I got a job working in an office, which also paid well, and had excellent benefits. I started in customer service, then got into sales, and eventually became the office manager. While my job was stressful, I was GOOD at it. And the customers made it all worth the hard work. I fell in love with the customers. Everyone there loved me. I really would go the extra mile for people, and was always honest and sincere. I was at the top of my "career", I guess you could say, mostly due to my customer service skills.
After working at the office for about 7 years, my husband and I ended up having to move due to his job relocation. It was time for me to find a new job. Originally I had wanted to go for the casino host position at the casino, since I figured I LOVED working with people, so this job would be perfect for me. And I know how to handle stress, so that wasn't even a worry. And I am GREAT at dealing with people, even in difficult situations. So many friends and family tell me I just "have a way" with people.
Instead of applying for the casino host position, like I should have, I took a lower paying job at the casino first, but in the same department, to learn the system, figuring in time I could move up to casino host and then that way I'd already know half of my job duties. I thought this was a GOOD idea.
It didn't work. While the customers loved me at the casino, the corporate "big wigs" thought I was "too nice". I stayed in this position for about 9 months. When I first got the job, I told my boss the only reason I was taking this job was so I could learn the system so I could be a better casino host. She KNEW I was there to become a casino host. And she was ok with that, as she also ran all the casino hosts.
It was time for me to go for it. My boss informed me she'd let me shadow an actual casino host. That never happened. We were always too busy. I was doing great at this job, it was a piece of cake...brainless, really. I learned the system quickly. I wanted more though, I wanted a challenge. I wanted to become a host!!! My boss literally informed me that I'm "just too nice, so we need to work at that first, before anything".
It put me in tears that day. I KNOW I could do this job. I could probably even run circles around the others...but for some reason, my kindness kept me from advancing. I was really upset. How could something, like BEING NICE, be a BAD thing?!?! Something that put me at the TOP of the ladder at my old job, was now pulling me down to the bottom at my new job.
I know if I would have just gone for the casino host position in the first place, they wouldn't be able to judge me, and I'd land it just fine. But I made the wrong decision...thinking it was the better thing to do first. To get experience.
Anyhow, I can't change who I am. I AM nice. I love people, I'm honest, sincere, hardworking, and far from fake. And customers appreciate it. SO many of the customers at the casino even filled out comment cards, LITERALLY saying how they should make me the new casino host!!! SO many cards were recieved. My boss even showed me. But it just didn't matter...because, "I'm too nice". I ended up quitting that job...after 9 months. My husband hurt himself and was off work, so I had to take care of him. But now it's time for me to go back to work.
I can't get the phrase "too nice" out of my head though. I used to have SO much confidence in myself, and now I shutter at the idea of going somewhere new, in fear I will again, waste my time and be told "I'm too nice" when it's time to advance.
I have SO many dreams...I KNOW I can do it, deep inside, because I have a passion for working with people, but now I have such low confidence from what my old boss told me. It's terrible.
Please help...I'm seriously thinking of just going back to waitressing...which was my first love. But I'm 28 now. And while I'm not bad shape, I have gained more weight since being off work taking care of my husband, and don't have the "body" like I used to, back in my old cocktailing days. So I don't fit into the "skinny cocktail waitress" group at all the clubs these days...lol. Not that I care, but in that industry, "sex sells". But I don't fit into those tight little clothes anymore...lol.
However, at least waitressing I wouldn't have to deal with the corporate politics and their crappy view of what "good enough" is. I refuse to be anything else but who I am. But is being who I am a bad thing? Nice? Is nice really so bad? I KNOW I can be something special...but it's almost too easy to just go waitress again. Afterall, it's good money, and I get benefits through my husband's job. I'm so lost. Please, any advice, would be great! Sorry so long!
By Caprice
If being "too nice" is a negative for you job, then that job isn't worth it. You're good at what you do because you ARE nice and in the customer service field that is a rarity.
I would test the waters and start looking elsewhere (could you work at another casino?)
1I agree with Bonne. If you can't be the person they want, you will never do well at that job. Maybe try another casino if that is really what you want to do. If you find they are all of this mindset, maybe you need to find another career choice.
There is nothing wrong with being nice, and you deserve a job that lets you be yourself.
2Have you ever looked at becoming a psychologist, or perhaps even a teacher? From what it sounds like, your excellent people skills are being wasted at a job where they think you are being "too nice". I've never heard of such a thing! I admire your confidence and your high self worth...you should put your energy into a job that will appreciate your excellent customer service.
3I think you need to start to shake off what your boss told you about being too nice. I know it still hurts, but youre better than that. She was being dismissive with you and thats just not right. It sounds like you have excellent potential and truly are capable of advancing in this casino host job. I think you should apply to a new casino for the position of host and gain back your confidence. Im just thankful you didnt let this lady stymie your career any longer than you did. Nine months is def an appropriate amount of time to test the waters.
4I'll give you some advice a mentor gave to me: If, at a job, you're ever made to feel like you're not good enough, not smart enough, and your accomplishments are constantly overlooked, it's simply not the right fit. Move on. You can keep trying and trying to get ahead at that place but if it doesn't work or have the outcome you want, you have to have the sensibility to accept that you tried and let go. Make room for something better.
5It's not that you are too nice but who you are too nice to. Be nice to your customers but with those that you work with you've got to make sure you look like you are doing what's best for your position. Bosses don't care if you are nice, they want you to do your job well and make them money. And you could easily make sure they feel you are doing that while still being courteous and nice to those around you. "Nice" does not go on your resume. "Great customer service skills" and "excellent work ethic" does.
6As a woman, you've got to toughen up and grab what you want. Don't let someone take it away from you!
Your so right redegg. The bottom line for any company is monetary so you need to definitely toughen up. You should ask your last boss what she meant by "too nice". If you really wanted to improve yourself than you wouldn't be afraid to ask for an explanation from her. It sounds like you are in an entirely different industry than where you started so there is a defnite learning curve. Bottom line learn to work in corporate america or get out because you are setting yourself up to be disappointed every time!
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