Can You Share a Bedroom While Visiting Family?

December 22, 2009

You may have a sleepover with your significant other every night, but when you're under your family's roof, their rules apply. If your parents, grandparents, or other hosts are traditional that probably means sleeping in different bedrooms until you're married.

It's often easier to play along, and miss out on cuddles and pillow talks, than argue with the folks about it. But, you could always try compromise by offering to sleep in separate twin beds in the same room — at least you'll get to vent about the family craziness that inevitably will ensue.

Source: Flickr User lavilleautady

47 Comments

3 years 7 weeks

What about when you have children you may see it differently. Especially if there is a new b/f g/f every six months. Sometimes you dont know how you react until your in the situuation

danakscully64 3 years 18 weeks

It's tough because you shouldn't be uncomfortable. I say, even if it does offend her (which would be ridiculous), do what you feel is best. If you do stay in the Cottage, You could look at it as an opportunity to get to know the other girls your boyfriends brothers are dating. Who knows, they may be your sister-in-laws someday. Plus, that would save you money. I once stayed for 3 days in a hotel room with people I didn't know at all, it wasn't that bad. I didn't spend a lot of time in the room anyway. It was a school related trip and the students I stayed with were from another school. You definitely don't want to burn a bridge, but I don't think you staying in a hotel room with your boyfriend or getting your own hotel room would do that. You shouldn't feel like you're walking on eggshells with your boyfriends Mom. You are an adult and she needs to respect the choices you and your boyfriend make. If you decide to get your own hotel room and she asks about it, just politely say "I would feel more comfortable being in room by myself." She can't argue with comfort.My boyfriend went to a Catholic school, but his family is now non-denominational Christian. He knows the teachings of the Catholic Church, that's why he's so turned off by it. There's also a big generational difference between you and his Mom. I'm sure you're not the only girlfriend who feels the way you do, I would be weirded out too. If you two plan on getting married in the next few years, I would just stick it out until then. :)

danakscully64 3 years 18 weeks

It's tough because you shouldn't be uncomfortable. I say, even if it does offend her (which would be ridiculous), do what you feel is best. If you do stay in the Cottage, You could look at it as an opportunity to get to know the other girls your boyfriends brothers are dating. Who knows, they may be your sister-in-laws someday. Plus, that would save you money. I once stayed for 3 days in a hotel room with people I didn't know at all, it wasn't that bad. I didn't spend a lot of time in the room anyway. It was a school related trip and the students I stayed with were from another school. You definitely don't want to burn a bridge, but I don't think you staying in a hotel room with your boyfriend or getting your own hotel room would do that. You shouldn't feel like you're walking on eggshells with your boyfriends Mom. You are an adult and she needs to respect the choices you and your boyfriend make. If you decide to get your own hotel room and she asks about it, just politely say "I would feel more comfortable being in room by myself." She can't argue with comfort. My boyfriend went to a Catholic school, but his family is now non-denominational Christian. He knows the teachings of the Catholic Church, that's why he's so turned off by it. There's also a big generational difference between you and his Mom. I'm sure you're not the only girlfriend who feels the way you do, I would be weirded out too. If you two plan on getting married in the next few years, I would just stick it out until then. :)

Jemma84 3 years 18 weeks

Hey Scully. Thanks for the input. She is paying for 2 cottages for all of her sons and their respective dates to stay in. I have asked my boyfriend if he thinks she intends to split all the couples up, and he said, "Of course." That means there will be 10 of us and definitely NOT 10 bedrooms. That means I will either be sharing a room with a woman I have never met (I have only met one of the other girlfriends b/c we live so far away), or getting my own hotel room. She might be offended if I do that though.All in all, somewhat of a sticky situation. I already offered to pay for a hotel room for my guy and I, but he didn't seem particularly keen on this option because his mother expects him to stay in the house. This woman will probably be my mother-in-law within the next couple of years, so I don't want to offend her too much, but I also want to be treated like an adult. I was surprised by how much it bothered me that we had to be separated on different floors last time we were there. My guy reverted to some guilt-ridden Catholic teenage boy state and wouldn't even be alone in my room with me for longer than a minute or so. It was odd, I tell you.

Jemma84 3 years 18 weeks

Hey Scully. Thanks for the input. She is paying for 2 cottages for all of her sons and their respective dates to stay in. I have asked my boyfriend if he thinks she intends to split all the couples up, and he said, "Of course." That means there will be 10 of us and definitely NOT 10 bedrooms. That means I will either be sharing a room with a woman I have never met (I have only met one of the other girlfriends b/c we live so far away), or getting my own hotel room. She might be offended if I do that though. All in all, somewhat of a sticky situation. I already offered to pay for a hotel room for my guy and I, but he didn't seem particularly keen on this option because his mother expects him to stay in the house. This woman will probably be my mother-in-law within the next couple of years, so I don't want to offend her too much, but I also want to be treated like an adult. I was surprised by how much it bothered me that we had to be separated on different floors last time we were there. My guy reverted to some guilt-ridden Catholic teenage boy state and wouldn't even be alone in my room with me for longer than a minute or so. It was odd, I tell you.

danakscully64 3 years 18 weeks

That's a tough one, Jemma. If your boyfriend doesn't stand behind you on it, there's really nothing you can do. If you get a hotel room and he won't stay with you, that's on him. If you didn't get a hotel room, would they be putting you up somewhere? What would that situation be like? My boyfriends Mom didn't believe her sons were all virgins, but I think she preferred to just not know for sure. About 2 year into our relationship, we were taking our 3rd trip to stay in San Diego. It slipped out that she didn't like the idea of us going away together and flat out asked "Are you having sex?" My guy didn't lie. She later apologized for butting into our business and passing any judgment. A few months before this, she put us together in a hotel room at his brothers wedding.... I wonder if this was because she thought we weren't having sex. I think if she's paying for the sleeping arrangements at the wedding, you should just do what she wishes. If you're uncomfortable with it, I suggest getting your own room :) I think even if his Mom knew for a fact that all of her sons weren't virgins, she would still put the men and women in separate rooms, those are just her values. (When my guys Mom found out about us, I hope she wasn't thinking I was the evil one who took his purity :p It was the other way around)

danakscully64 3 years 18 weeks

Jemma84 3 years 18 weeks

We can sleep in the same room at my parents' house, but not at his. Even worse, his brother is getting married this summer and we are all staying at a beach house for the festivities and we STILL have to sleep apart. The woman has 6 grown sons and she makes all of them sleep apart from their girlfriends until they are married, even on family vacations. This includes the oldest, who is 36 years old! I want to get a hotel room for the wedding weekend, but my (26 year old) boyfriend says no because that is "too obvious." Um, what?!? I know she is Catholic, but really? Your mom honestly still believe you're a virgin?? It's completely absurd. I need to figure out how to handle this wedding weekend situation. Any thoughts, ladies?

Jemma84 3 years 18 weeks

Veka 3 years 19 weeks

My parents would never let that fly in their house. It would be separate rooms, and it would probably end up being on separate floors as well. Until I'm married, of course. I agree with care (post 18) and since they've given me so much already, it's not worth arguing, so I'd just deal with it. His parents live locally so I don't think we'd ever need to stay with them. I don't think they'd care though.

danakscully64 3 years 19 weeks

My parents originally didn't like the idea when I lived there, but when my brother lived with them, his girlfriend and their son stayed in the same room. It was a double standard and I didn't put up with that (my parents are pretty cool,they understand our generation pretty well). My guy and I have been together for 5 years and recently moved in together (in September). When we visited for Christmas, we each stayed at our own parents homes. He stayed over only once. My parents didn't care, they actually expected him to be staying with me. As for his family, his Mom is old fashioned. It's weird though, when we traveled to Michigan for a family wedding, she put us in the same hotel room together (2006). The day night before he left for military training, she okay-ed us staying in the same bed. If you already know your child is intimate with their partner, I would be less concerned with putting them together in the same bed to SLEEP. Seriously, why are some parents so hung up on SLEEPING? I don't have sex when I'm sleeping :p It's not like letting them share a bed is going to cause them to have sex if they weren't already.

danakscully64 3 years 19 weeks

hypnoticmix 3 years 21 weeks

Well they could always sew the guy up in an 18th century bundling sack, lol. I voted yes because most of my family wouldn't mind but there are some that would.

hypnoticmix 3 years 21 weeks

Well they could always sew the guy up in an 18th century bundling sack, lol. I voted yes because most of my family wouldn't mind but there are some that would.

Venus1 3 years 21 weeks

Excuse the second input. I am so disappointed with so many of the responses here; I really thought the world had moved on.

Antioxidant 3 years 21 weeks

His parents will not let us sleep in the same room together. They don't even like it when he sleeps over at my place. Ugh. They are very conservative and although they don't make a big fuss, they do not budge.

3 years 21 weeks

the weird thing is if they don't let you share a room when you already have kids together! or are already living together! as if they will go to hell for helping you sin or something

b1uebunn 3 years 21 weeks

My husband and I were together 5 years before we got married, and lived together (officially) for one year before that, but neither family let us stay in the same room. It was never even an option. It was "This is your room, this is his room, the end." Even though we're now married, who wants to get it on with all the family there? Gross.

b1uebunn 3 years 21 weeks

biarose 3 years 21 weeks

I just rather not stay at my parents house. I had enough of that when I was a teenager.

xgreenfairyx 3 years 21 weeks

...Who cares? If they can't deal with you having sex, maybe they should've thought about that before inviting their ADULT child over.

spacekatgal 3 years 21 weeks

Sure, Mamacita. So then, you'd be doing it for yourself. I didn't have sex with my husband until we were engaged, so I totally get your feelings on that. I really understand it.

mamasitamalita 3 years 21 weeks

SKG, to me it's not even really about sex or repression... I actually have a very healthy relationship with my mother in terms of talking about sex, masturbation, female issues, etc.... there is no doubt to her that my boyfriend and I have sex, but I was raised with a rule in our house that we couldn't have sleepovers with boys under my parents' roof unless they're a husband. I also have a teenaged brother so it would be awkward for me to have us open the door and walk out.... though probably more awkward for him? I'm not really sure, I'm rambling now :) bottom line is its less about sexuality and more about just how I was raised and what I feel comfortable with

ManiMartinixo 3 years 21 weeks

At his moms we sleep on two couches in the living room simply due to lack of space. IF my mom lived by herself we could share a room but since she is living under my grandmothers roof right now (she had a stroke in 2007 and hasnt been able to go back to work yet) he cant even sleep in the house. So we sleep at his old roommate house.

medenginer 3 years 21 weeks

At my age if it was an issue with any parent I would just get a hotel room.

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