Can a Guy Be Too Nice?

October 7, 2010

Last week, a TrèsSugar community member asked for advice about a guy she was dating. He calls her, makes plans weeks in advance, and even delivered flowers to her at work. So what's wrong with him? Nothing. And that's the problem. The guy meets all her standards, but she says the thoughtful gestures are turning her off. I'm thinking it might be a matter of attraction. If she was into him, she would probably find his actions sweet. Even so, do you think a guy can have everything going for him and still be too nice?

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15 Comments

2 years 32 weeks

I don't think being nice is the issue. I'm very attracted to nice guys. It seems that some guys come on too strong or act overly eager. If someone calls you constantly, makes plans before you discuss what you want to do for the weekend it can be too much.

genesisrocks 2 years 32 weeks

Yes and no. I love a nice guy, but sometimes you meet a person who thinks he's being nice by letting little things go and not making drama when something bothers him. Well I'm all for not making drama but sometimes you have to speak up when something bothers you and a guy that doesn't is letting the relationship deteriorate.

Community Manager 2 years 32 weeks

@ stephley, we're sorry for your comment getting caught in our spam filter but it sometimes happen. Just ping me if you notice and I'll be sure to get it published right away. Thanks for your patience. ;-)

Spiderlove 2 years 32 weeks

I really used to worry that my guy was "too nice"... I figured eventually the other shoe would drop and I'd see his "real self"...lol... Its three years in and he is just genuinely NICE.

katykat1980 2 years 32 weeks

This is just what I have found out about myself, but I think it may be true of a lot of women- when you reach a certain point of maturity, you realize that a kind, good man is a lot more attractive than a "bad boy".

kimmieb124 2 years 32 weeks

I agree with Amber and Roaring. Nice and pushover are not the same. My husband is super nice and he gave me gifts and planned nice dates for us while were dating (and still does), but he has never been a pushover. He has opinions and he will not do something he doesn't want to do just to make me happy. He is his own person and I respect him for that, but he still treats me well and I consider him to nice even when he's standing his ground.

amber512 2 years 32 weeks

I agree! I think people mistake being a pushover with no opinions for "nice."

RoaringSilence 2 years 32 weeks

I think when people say someone's too nice, what they really mean is someone is boring or has no opinions of their own. That is not at all the same thing.

2 years 32 weeks

yes, when a guy is so nice he's practically a doormat, he's too nice. I don't like being able to take advantage of my significant other.

lickety split 2 years 32 weeks

NoThe problem with that guy was t that be was too nice, it was that he was inappropriately. When you're IN a relationship it's sweet that the guy plans out your future. When you've known him less than a week and he does it it's just creepy. When someone sits themselves right down in your life with out asking that's creepy.I dated a guy once who called be on his way over from work. He left a message saying he would shower at my house so he wouldn't be late. If w had been in a relationship I wouldn't have minded. But we weren't. So for um to assume tha he could do that was too weird. End of it right there.

lickety split 2 years 32 weeks

No The problem with that guy was t that be was too nice, it was that he was inappropriately. When you're IN a relationship it's sweet that the guy plans out your future. When you've known him less than a week and he does it it's just creepy. When someone sits themselves right down in your life with out asking that's creepy. I dated a guy once who called be on his way over from work. He left a message saying he would shower at my house so he wouldn't be late. If w had been in a relationship I wouldn't have minded. But we weren't. So for um to assume tha he could do that was too weird. End of it right there.

stephley 2 years 32 weeks

I'm getting really tired of Sugar's flag filter.

stephley 2 years 32 weeks

I said yes, but not because I need a bad boy – people can be too nice and before you let things go to far, you need to ask questions. A person obviously can be genuinely nice. But there are times when the niceness masks or is an indicator of deeper issues: a too quick to please person might be spineless and looking for someone else to literally complete them; the ‘niceness’ can be a controller’s initial attempt to seduce. You may think they’re too nice because you’re used to be treated badly and are uncomfortable with being treated ‘too’ well. Like anything else, if someone’s behavior makes you uncomfortable, you probably should look into it before things go further.

tlsgirl 2 years 32 weeks

Maybe not too nice exactly, but if a guy is a pushover or too cutesy he just seems like a wimp to me.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 32 weeks

To me, it kind of depends on which point in the relationship you're at. When you're in an established relationship and plan on the long-haul, I think sweetness on both ends is kind of essential. But if a guy is way too sweet right away, it can come off as pushy and clingy.

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